RFalvo69
Posts: 1380
Joined: 7/11/2013
From: Lamezia Terme (Italy)
Status: offline
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[NOTE: I wrote the following while I was drunk. It could have been longer, but, since I don't plan to get drunk again soon, here it is.]
What do all those propaganda promises actually mean? What the very title of a game can tell you about it? What follows is a brief FAQ written as a guide for those who are just approaching the noble art of wargaming!
Turn based - AGC will not move a tank until it is clear how AGN is doing.
Continuous time - Stop’n’Go.
WEGO - Up in the air.
Unparalleled detail! - More detail on the XVI Panzer Division than ever its commander bothered to learn.
Unparalleled logistical detail! - The XVI Kitchen Sink Battalion is in the game.
Unparalleled OOBs’ research! - Tigers actually fight T-34/85 with air and artillery cover, but you only hear BOOOMS and see the result.
Innovative! - The Germans have one extra mechanised phase.
Card driven! - No Kasserine until you draw it.
Reworked UI! - Same buttons, different places.
Reworked AI! - Same level, different mistakes.
Intuitive! - Trivial.
Streamlined! - Left click moves, right click attacks.
Accessible! - Graphic counters option.
Moddable! - Graphic counters coming up!
Balanced! - Fixed.
Based on the most modern research... - Midway: three rowboats vs. two bathtubs.
Award Winning! - Reviewers were so in awe with the game that no one actually tried it.
600+ pages printed manual! - ...Obliterated by the first patch!
The most realistic ETO... - France WILL fall.
...On a map covering... - ...From Spain to the Urals and from Norway to North Africa.
You decide! - Poland, then France, then Barbarossa.
Band of... - Tactical, Normandy to the Elbe.
Beaches of Blood - Tactical, the PTO.
Streets of... - Stalingrad.
Guderian’s... - Either Smolensk or Typhoon.
Rommel’s... - Either Gazala or Kasserine.
Crisis at Dinant! - Where??
Monty's... - Either El Alamein or Market Garden.
Zhukov’s... - 1944 onward.
Patton’s... - The Bulge.
Highway to... - Market Garden, what else?
The Road to... - Eastern Front.
The Red God of... - Uranus
The Last... - Either Kursk or the Bulge.
The Tigers are burning! - Either Kursk or the Bulge.
Uncommon... - US Marines vs. everything else.
Forgotten... - Either Korea or anything Manstein.
Decision at... - ...Basically everywhere.
Something of Iron - WWI
Next... - Already surpassed by the times.
Full campaign and smaller scena... - Das_Reich_1962 vs. ProstaticFlame's full campaign AAR coming up!
It is suggested to play the small scenario fir... - Das_Reich_1962 vs. ProstaticFlame's full campaign AAR coming up!
AI assisted! - You can see how the AI f**cs up, live!
Abstract Air War - Guernica.
Now on Steam! - Wasted on the heathens.
_____________________________
"Yes darling, I served in the Navy for eight years. I was a cook..."
"Oh dad... so you were a God-damned cook?"
(My 10 years old daughter after watching "The Hunt for Red October")
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The big fat FAQ of everything - 
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