Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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I forgot to mention another disaster. I was driving to Barnes and Noble last night about 8:20 to buy "Guests of the Ayatollah". The bookstore is in a big outdoor mall with stores and restaurants and a couple of meat market type bars (well, at least that is what I heard). So I am in a freeway interchange merge lane and I pull up next to a California Highway Patrol car. I need to get into his lane to go where I want to go but everytime I slow down, he slows down and it is the freeway so I can't slow down too much and I dare not give it the juice and try to cut him off, so finally I just have to make a right turn that I didn't want to make. I stop to look over my shoulder then realize I have a dedicated lane to make a right so I proceed (no light, no stop sign). Then I get stuck making another right because of the traffic flow..then another right..then there are center islands everywhere and pretty soon I am on the other side of the huge freeway from the mall and half the friggin' way back home so now I am getting pissed off. Finally, I find a big, lighted intersection with a dedicated left turn signal so I line up to make a U-turn. I wait for the light, it turns green, I make the turn, voila. Another half hour or so and I will be back at the mall. Dooohhhh! Flashing lights. What now? Did I forget to put the registration tag on? I pull over and it is a CHiP. "What is the problem officer"? (I try politeness first, holding unmanly crying and pleading in reserve) "That intersection is posted no U-turn" "F***", I say to myself. "Oh Hell", I say out loud. "Are you aware you were driving on the shoulder back there?" "Me, on the freeway you mean? Are you sure about that?" "That was a God****** merge lane you idiot", I say to myself. Then I think better of my tone. "I believe you are mistaken sir." "I have been following you since then." "Christ..it's the same jerk who purposely wouldn't let me merge", I say to myself. "What does he mean following me? I was follwoing him?" "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?" "No" I did have a gin and tonic while I was walking the dogs about 4:30 but that is not nightime...so there "Where are you headed?" "To the bookstore" "Oh, bookstore, eh?" in a really annoying sarcastic tone. "Look guy, if you are trying to stop bar denizens maybe you should wait until they GET to the bar." That is what I wanted to say. I didn't say it. So he goes as far to get me out of the car to do the field sobriety test and calls for back up. Then it begins to dawn on him I may be telling the truth after I gave him a neurophysiology lesson on why most people have a little bit of nystagmus when you make them gaze at extreme lateral gaze for a few seconds and it doesn't mean they are toasted especailly when there is nothing else wrong. Finally, he decides to cut his losses before the back-up gets there. "I am going to let you off with a U-turn violation" "LET ME OFF? Gee, that is bloody generous of you". I wanted to say that too. I didn't. I also refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 8/26/2007 9:49:24 AM >
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