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Aviation humor

 
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Aviation humor - 4/25/2008 4:53:09 PM   
mlees


Posts: 2263
Joined: 9/20/2003
From: San Diego
Status: offline 		This Email is making the circuit, thought it was funny enough to share.

quote:

Just in case you need a laugh:

After every flight, commercial and military pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Post #: 1
RE: Aviation humor - 4/25/2008 6:12:08 PM   
Joram

 

Posts: 3198
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline 		Ahh pretty old but always gives me a good laugh.  Thanks!

(in reply to mlees)
Post #: 2
RE: Aviation humor - 4/25/2008 8:11:19 PM   
mlees


Posts: 2263
Joined: 9/20/2003
From: San Diego
Status: offline 		Yeah. I posted this on another message board, and they said the same thing.

My apologies for posting a retread. 

(in reply to Joram)
Post #: 3
RE: Aviation humor - 4/25/2008 8:52:54 PM   
andym


Posts: 1117
Joined: 7/12/2006
From: Kings Lynn UK
Status: offline 		If you like Aviation humour check out Dos Gringos!They are a bunch of USAF blokes singing very funny songs.Google for them,you wont be sorry!

_____________________________

Press to Test...............Release to Detonate!

(in reply to mlees)
Post #: 4
RE: Aviation humor - 4/26/2008 2:19:49 AM   
Meta Baston


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline 		Very funny! Thanks!

MB

(in reply to mlees)
Post #: 5
RE: Aviation humor - 4/26/2008 2:31:02 PM   
Grell

 

Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/1/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Hi Mlees,

Thank you for sharing that it was very funny.

Regards,

Greg

_____________________________


(in reply to Meta Baston)
Post #: 6
RE: Aviation humor - 4/26/2008 3:02:49 PM   
SireChaos

 

Posts: 710
Joined: 8/14/2006
From: Frankfurt, Germany
Status: offline 		There´s an old story I heard that only almost fits in here. I think it´s hilarious, so here it is anyway:

An aircraft manufacturer had a device that fired dead chicken with about the speed of a passenger airplane. This was meant to test cockpit windows: if they withstood the impact of dead chicken, they could also withstand the impact of a live bird crashing into it during flight.
Then, some day, a locomotive manufacturer asked to borrow this device in order to test the windshield of their new high-speed locomotive. They loaded the device, aimed it at the locomotive, and fired. The dead chicken penetrated the windshield, the driver´s seat and an instrument panel and was lodged in the rear wall of the locomotive´s cockpit.
The locomotive manufacturer´s engineers were, of course, shocked about the results, and asked the engineers of the aircraft manufacturer for assistance. These guys came, carefully examined the experimental set-up, and came up with some advice:

"Next time, don´t use a frozen chicken."


(in reply to Grell)
Post #: 7
RE: Aviation humor - 4/27/2008 6:13:47 PM   
BvB


Posts: 187
Joined: 10/7/2001
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Here's another old one from memory:
Pierre the famous WWI French fighter pilot is home on leave and takes his girl Marie out on a picnic by the river.  After they eat Marie feels romantic and says, "Pierre, please, kiss me".  She closes her eyes and then is startled to find he has splashed wine on her face.  "Pierre, why did you do that?"  He responds, "I am Pierre the famous fighter pilot and when I have red meat I want red wine to go with it!"  So they start kissing and she gets a little more excited and says, "Oh Pierre, kiss me lower!"  So Pierre rips open her blouse and then splashes her chest with wine.  "Pierre! What the heck are you doing?!"  "I am Pierre, the famous fighter pilot!  And when I have white meat, I want white wine to go with it!"  So they continue making out and now she is getting very excited.  "Ohhhh.... Pierre!  Please, kiss me lower!"  So with that Pierre rips off her remaining clothes and and splashes cognac between her legs.  She decides not to say anything, but to just enjoy the moment and let him do his thing.  Then he tosses a match in her crotch. She screams and jumps into the river.  "PIERRE! JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!!!"  Pierre responds, "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot!  And when I go down, I go down in flames!"

_____________________________

Enlisted during Nixon, retired during Clinton then went postal - joined the USPS, then retired from that during Obama.

(in reply to SireChaos)
Post #: 8
RE: Aviation humor - 4/27/2008 11:32:37 PM   
Dixie


Posts: 10303
Joined: 3/10/2006
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


5 of the best (or worst ) words you can hope to see on paperwork

_____________________________



Bigger boys stole my sig

(in reply to BvB)
Post #: 9
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