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Ok...crappiest warmovie ever (but an explanation is required)

 
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Ok...crappiest warmovie ever (but an explanation is req... - 4/24/2002 8:09:19 PM   
Les_the_Sarge_9_1

 

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I have seen many turkeys but todays missile target is deeeefinitely

Pearl Harbour.

Lost of hype lots of promise, then we get a lousy piece of **** love story, oh, and some people died at Pearl harbour.

And to top off the obscenity, make sure to include the unrelated Doolittle raid so the uninformed, and unknowing public is made to think the American's actually came out winners in the end.

Pearl Harbour was a horrible day, and it was a major defeat of American fighting men (and women too).

They could have made this a great tribute to American fallen on that day. All we got was a lousy way to use dead people to make a buck. The effects will never be special enough, to excuse the disgusting filth that is this movie.

And now I see they are advertising it for sale with a free movie. Not surprising they are having trouble peddling that garbage.

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Re: Ok...crappiest warmovie ever (but an explanation is... - 4/24/2002 8:27:51 PM   
sven


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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Les the Sarge 9-1
[B]I have seen many turkeys but todays missile target is deeeefinitely

Pearl Harbour.

Lost of hype lots of promise, then we get a lousy piece of **** love story, oh, and some people died at Pearl harbour.

And to top off the obscenity, make sure to include the unrelated Doolittle raid so the uninformed, and unknowing public is made to think the American's actually came out winners in the end.

Pearl Harbour was a horrible day, and it was a major defeat of American fighting men (and women too).

They could have made this a great tribute to American fallen on that day. All we got was a lousy way to use dead people to make a buck. The effects will never be special enough, to excuse the disgusting filth that is this movie.

And now I see they are advertising it for sale with a free movie. Not surprising they are having trouble peddling that garbage. [/B][/QUOTE]

The fact they are having trouble selling it gives me a slight restoration of faith in the American people....

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Battle of the Bulge - 4/24/2002 10:04:53 PM   
Grenadier


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What a load of crap from the story to the dialogue to the special effects and the equipment and the authenticity. Made in the "spirit" of the battle, not based on the actual events. I had no idea the Ardennes looked like Spain and that the Germans had no artillery so they had to use their tank guns to shell the American positions or that Ambleve was a town and not a river.

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Re: Ok...crappiest warmovie ever (but an explanation is... - 4/24/2002 10:53:15 PM   
Belisarius


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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Les the Sarge 9-1
[B]"...was a horrible day, and it was a major defeat of American fighting men (and women too).

They could have made this a great tribute to American fallen on that day. All we got was a lousy way to use dead people to make a buck. The effects will never be special enough, to excuse the disgusting filth that is this movie." [/B][/QUOTE]


..whoa... you pretty much summarized [I]Blackhawk Down[/I] as well. :eek: Although that one is scores better than 'Harbor...


Err.. can't remember the title right now, but some time ago I saw an incredibly crappy war movie on TV... standard M4's referred to, and used as Tigers, troops using hand grenades for busting tanks (no bazookas or AT's whatsoever), poor story...judging on actors and film/color I'd guess it's made in the early 60's.. *shrug*

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NO no my friends - 4/24/2002 11:21:27 PM   
Eberbach

 

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You have this wrong

Pearl Harbor and Blackhawk Down at LEAST had production value.

BUT NEVER in the history or war films, other than FORCE 10 FROM NAVARONE, has a character been taken for a BAD sequel, ruined, and put into a movie with such a bad plot and acting as our old friend STEINER from Cross of iron, as he appeared in this shabby *** sequel to COI called Breaktrhough

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0078320

THAT is your worst war movie.

Besides Force 10 from Navarone

And what a waste of a career move for Richard Burton, thrust into the role of a sappy Steiner, and what an insult to Peckinpah's great masterpiece.

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- 4/25/2002 12:29:54 AM   
Penetrator

 

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I would probably say Pearl Harbour, or even Black Hawk Down, but I have seen neither of them and am probably a happier man for it:):)

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- 4/25/2002 12:46:05 AM   
Kanon Fodder

 

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[B]Battle of the Bulge[/B]

Hands down.
:rolleyes:

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Battle of the Bulge - 4/25/2002 1:12:11 AM   
troopie

 

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Obvious American tanks used as German, poor production values, outrageous fake snow, poor acting, non-historical garbage.

troopie

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- 4/25/2002 1:16:36 AM   
Eberbach

 

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what you mean they didnt kill panzers by rolling flaming barrels of oil down on them?

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- 4/25/2002 1:27:45 AM   
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The music in Battle of the Bulge was good, so I say Pearl Harbor is the worst.

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Not sure if this one counts - 4/25/2002 1:29:34 AM   
Gary Tatro

 

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"The Universal Soldier"

Explination - Do I need to say more!

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Zero - 4/25/2002 1:37:51 AM   
mogami


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Hi, Thsi question pops up about every six months or so.
I'll stick to my usal answer

The worst war movie of all time "Zero" made by the people who brought you Godzilla and other monster movies.

'From the creators of Godzilla comes this epic that attempts to tell the entire history of Japan's participation in World War II from the perspective of an airplane. Not a single airplane, but rather a type of airplane. That airplane is the Japanese Zero fighter, which was a technological marvel when it first entered combat. Apparently this was a great surprise to the Americans in the film, one of whom declares, "[Japan] can't make what we would call a good car!"
In case you haven't guessed from that last line, this film is dubbed, and badly. The dubbing was done with same voice actors as those in Last Days of Planet Earth, and whoever wrote the English language script was going for laughs.

The main characters in Zero are Hamada and Mitsushima, two recruits in the Imperial Navy. Scared and disgusted at their treatment by the Navy, they plan on going AWOL until they are stopped by an officer, who realizes what they are about to do and then shows them the prototype Zero fighter. With tears practically streaming from their eyes, their hearts swell with national pride. The two men decide to continue with their training in order to have a chance to fly such a plane. This just goes to prove that men will do anything to have the latest cutting-edge toys.

Our heroes are are sent through a training regimen that looks designed to compete with the British in terms of sheer military goofiness (see Zulu Dawn). Crotch jumping and the weird two-person somersaults that the recruits are made to do should be Olympic sports, if you ask us. After the training is done, Hamada becomes a pilot and Mitsushima becomes a mechanic, thus giving us many heart-warming scenes in which grease monkey Mistushima waves his floppy little hat in circles while Hamada bravely risks his life flying around in a tin can. Who got the better deal? We suspect that Hamada and Mitsushima would give you an answer that is very different from ours.

There is an early scene that gives you some idea of the melodramatic territory that this film will cover. The captain of Hamada's squad dies during a test flight in a production Zero, which shimmies itself to pieces when flown at top speed. It turns out that the Zero's designers didn't bother to wind tunnel-test some modifications they made to the plane. So that's where Microsoft got their ideas about beta testing in the field! One of the engineering types defends the policy by saying, "We know there are defects, but we must fly. We can't wait till it's perfect."

Speaking of the planes, Zero contains lots of dog-fighting scenes, and the vast majority of them are accomplished through miniature effects. Those effects were realized by Koichi Kawakita, who would go on to do all the special effects for the Godzilla films from Godzilla vs. Biollante through Godzilla vs Destroyah. In general, the miniature effects are quite good, and they are blended with stock footage quite well. It was nice to see the planes actually flying around and shooting each other down, as opposed to the "fly towards Godzilla, now burn burn burn!" action we're used to.

Hamada soon becomes an ace, and Mitsushima is sent back to Japan to learn advanced mechanics. Once back on the mainland, Mitsushima meets Shizuko, a cute young woman whose bicycle has broken down. Mitsushima fixes her bike, and she offers him some eggs because she "has no other way to thank" him. He's been in the Imperial Navy for the last two years; we bet he can think of other ways she can thank him. After their little exchange of kindnesses, the two become friends and eventually fall in love.

Shizuko is a welcome addition to the movie, because her dubbed dialogue is so hilarious. During one example, she announces that being a woman during a war is frustrating because "We never get to test our protection first hand!" No really, she's talking about airplanes. Shizuko is this film's answer to Dr. Hibbert from The Simpsons, because she giggles at the most inappropiate times:

"I never thought we'd meet again -- the war kills everybody [giggle]!"

and:

"How can I [get married], when all the young men are being sent to die? I can't find a bridegroom [giggle]!"

Although the film shows some early promise, it drags on for about forty minutes too long as Japan slowly, agonizingly loses the war, covering nearly every defeat the Japanese suffered. (The use of the atomic bomb by the U.S. forces was strangely omitted.) We see Midway, and Hamada is part of the escort that was with Yamamoto when he was shot down. If this movie is to believed, Yamamato's escort was led by a captain who's name sounds like "More Sake." Who were his wingmen? Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels?

Because the American planes eventually overtake the dated technology of the Zero, Japanese pilots begin to die and become injured at a prodigious rate. After nearly dying in combat,* Hamada's only thoughts are of returning to the cockpit of his Zero. ("I kill Americans! That's all I know how to do!") Mitsushima, realizing that Hamada has lost his will to live, tries to "give" Shizuko to Hamada, theorizing that Hamada will have something to live for if a girl shows interest in him. Neither party is stupid enough to fall for it, however, and Shizuko's affections remain with Mitsushima.


No fertility symbolism here either.
The remainder of the film is filled with rather maudlin ruminations on the nature of war, the deaths of various cast members, and the wanton destruction of a Zero by the defeated, mourning ground crew. We think this last bit was supposed to be a tribute to the nobility of a plane with a skin so insubstantial that it might as well have been aluminum foil, but we're not really sure. There was an awful lot of screaming and crying going on.

Films made by the Japanese can be hard to figure out, especially when they concern such topics as the war in which they were so soundly defeated that it fundamentally changed their culture and their relations with the rest of the world. Zero tells that story from the perspective of its characters, but we're not sure what message the moviemakers were trying to project. Japan deserved to lose the war because it built planes that didn't protect its pilots? (If so, then why the tearful tribute to the Zero at the movie's end?) War is bad because young Japanese girls have to stay at home to build airplanes and can't go kill Americans? Don't become a pilot?

If this movie had been a lot shorter, and a little less melodramatic, we probably could suggest it. But so much of this film is silly, and it goes on for so long, that our enjoyment dwindled to... well, Zero.

Attachment (1)

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More Zero - 4/25/2002 1:45:47 AM   
mogami


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Zero pilots and mechanics are goofy

Attachment (1)

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- 4/25/2002 3:50:14 AM   
mao

 

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well, it's been picked but Battle of the Bulge... the rolling-barrels-of-gasoline defense is particularly memorable

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Battle of the Bulge - 4/25/2002 4:38:10 AM   
mogami


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Hi, Oh I think the BoB stinks. The great winter offensive in the Ardennes Desert. With the sun shine and all. But compared to Zero it is a master piece of accuracy and drama.:eek:

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- 4/25/2002 5:22:07 AM   
Goblin


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Pearl Harbor. Reason? Because it sucked. Can I say that?

Goblin-A Goblin is honest

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- 4/25/2002 5:22:31 AM   
Bernie


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Well, since no one specified it had to be a "realistic" war movie...

"McHale's Navy"

Starring Tom Arnold

Need I say more?

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- 4/25/2002 6:06:23 AM   
Rick Borovec

 

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"Battle of the Bulge"

I would have to agree this one is the worst, but for some reason every time its on I end up watching it? I especially like the tank that Telly Sevalas drives around after it got its turret blown half off without killing or wounding any of the crew.

Boro

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- 4/25/2002 12:28:16 PM   
JVRyk5

 

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Since asked: Red Dawn. Only thing going to that one is pretty authentic equipment. But I stand obious mistakes in hardware if story is good.

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- 4/25/2002 1:21:20 PM   
jlaurila

 

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Hehum.. man's gotta agree with pearl harbor here..
3 hours of pain and agony, to wait it to end.
promises sooo much of fancy action, and big emotions
but i wasted the movie waiting it to start..

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- 4/25/2002 9:45:45 PM   
Phil

 

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I remember an Italian-made show on North Africa. I think it was called "El Alamein" It had all the trappings of the traditional spaghetti-western.
The heros where a platoon of Italian infantry left out in the desert by the evil/overlord Germans against the main attack of the cold-blooded killer British.
For the battle scenes M113 Tracks and (what looks like) M-60 tanks are used. The Italians have in their aresenal a mortar-looking weapon, which couldn't be larger than a 50mm, but boy can that baby take out some tanks!!
Anyway, if nothing else, this flick is good for some chuckles.
One last comment on Pearl Harbor..................
Didn't see it. I figured a war flick from Disney just couldn't be any good.

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- 4/25/2002 10:37:03 PM   
Eberbach

 

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aww cmon now phil, Disney flicks are always true stories and close to reality!

just look at Might Ducks 3!!!


oh wait.....never mind

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- 4/25/2002 10:41:15 PM   
Belisarius


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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Phil
[B]I remember an Italian-made show on North Africa. I think it was called "El Alamein" It had all the trappings of the traditional spaghetti-western.
The heros where a platoon of Italian infantry left out in the desert by the evil/overlord Germans against the main attack of the cold-blooded killer British.
For the battle scenes M113 Tracks and (what looks like) M-60 tanks are used. The Italians have in their aresenal a mortar-looking weapon, which couldn't be larger than a 50mm, but boy can that baby take out some tanks!! *snip*
[/B][/QUOTE]

Yep! That's the one I was talking about - it has to be! :eek:
When you mention it, those are M-60 tanks (not M4's like I said - I [I]know[/I] to tell an M4 from an M60 :rolleyes: )
I don't think they got anything right in that one.

Uh.. here's another fresh nominee: [I]Behind enemy lines[/I] .
I can't believe Hackman agreed to take part in that one. Horrifying plot, stereotypical portrayal of Serbs (ie ALL serbs are deceptive, evil, murderous scum), the UN forces are all-obedient, and some renegade gung-ho US Marines saves the day. Hooray.

I saw [I]No man's land[/I] yesterday though - a whole much better, although more of a dark humor satire, than a war movie.

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I agree with Red Dawn - 4/25/2002 11:45:05 PM   
TheZel66

 

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Red Dawn

What a pathetic piece of Right-wing Reagenite propaganda..

WOLVARINES!!!
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- 4/26/2002 1:25:38 AM   
screamer

 

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battle of the bulge.



its all in this tread, more like a comic.
And they could at least have called the american tanks M24's but that is what they are[i beleve] and they where in service back then. And the scene where they do areal recon in the fog..............................................


battle in the river plate is pretty crappy too but not as crappy as battle of the Bulge.

im only 16y old

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Re: Re: Ok...crappiest warmovie ever (but an explanatio... - 4/26/2002 1:29:03 AM   
screamer

 

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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Belisarius
[B]




Err.. can't remember the title right now, but some time ago I saw an incredibly crappy war movie on TV... standard M4's referred to, and used as Tigers, troops using hand grenades for busting tanks (no bazookas or AT's whatsoever), poor story...judging on actors and film/color I'd guess it's made in the early 60's.. *shrug* [/B][/QUOTE]

ehhhmmm the big red one?? tigers look like shermans there, but thats an 80's movie[1981 i beleve]

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- 4/26/2002 8:01:50 AM   
Figmo

 

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I have to go with "Full Metal Jacket" being the worst. Half the movie is boot camp (like I haven't seen enough movies with that) - then the big seen and it's one girl holding up the whole platoon - and the guy don't want to shoot her cause she's a girl - give me a break!!

Figmo

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- 4/26/2002 8:22:27 AM   
ZeroAntipop

 

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worst war movie: The Green Berets

Need I say more?

Here's why -
John Wayne running w/ 2 M16s and hitting every shot
Viet-Cong advancing in closed order
Head North Vietnamese General guarded by about 10 drunk soldiers at night
Said General captured and sent up in a giant lobster suit to a plane
Pine Trees instead of Palm Trees
Films scened in the San Diego Zoo (obvious moulded rocks and plastic fauna)
Indiana Jone's sidekick ruins it as well

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- 4/26/2002 8:23:11 AM   
Les_the_Sarge_9_1

 

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I have a knee jerk bias against modern and vietnam era movies I suppose.

I dont often rate them as good or bad in most cases. I often dont even allow them in polls.

Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Hamburger Hill, The Boys In Company C, Uncommon Valour, A Rumour of War, Bat 21, etc etc. I am the same as video rental establishments. They are all just action movies to me (as they seem to be to them).

Some are good some are bad.

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- 4/26/2002 8:34:46 AM   
Figmo

 

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BTW - I heard a Military movie critic on the history channel pick "1941" as his worst war movie. Maybe I'm crazy but I loved it. The girl that couldn't get off unless in a plane, the "General Lee" tank, John Bolushi, the crackerjacks box compass and if you shoot a 40mm AA gun while still on it's wheels in front of your house guess where the gun will end up - yep that's right - in your house!!

I laughed so hard I cried!!

Figmo

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