Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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******Norfolk Is., midway between New Zealand and ...ah...what the Hell, everyone reading this knows where that is by now...10:20, April 26, 1943**** 2 squads of men from 3rd New Zealand Brigade form a semicircle around a crude log and earthen bunker dug into a hillside. They have heard stories about Emperor Brand Kool-Aide so they assume protected positions and have their weapons at the ready. Lt.: TRANSLATOR! UP HERE NOW! <a Cpl. scampers next to the Lt.> Tell them to come out now and they won't be harmed. 11B12/J: Yes sir. <turns toward the bunker and begins yelling> OFFICUH..SAY...COME...OUT...NOW...NO SHOOTIE. Lt.: Wait a minute, Cpl. that sounded like pidgin. 11B12/J: Yes sir. Lt.: But your rating says you speak a foreign language. 11B12/J: Yes sir. Lt.: Well, USE IT, DAMNIT! 11B12/J: Yes sir. <turns again toward the bunker> SHALOM! Lt.: Hold on. That wasn't Japanese. 11B12/J: No sir, Hebrew, sir. Lt.: Well, a lot of bloody good that will do us here. What are the odds they will speak Hebrew, Cpl. 11B12/J: I would say very remote, sir. Lt.: I would say just about nil, Cpl. 11B12/J: Yes sir. More likely "nil" than "very remote", sir. Lt.: Cpl., I could be wrong, but doesn't the "J" designate "Japanese" speaker? 11B12/J: Oh, no sir, you are absolutely right. The "J" is for Japanese, sir. Lt.: But you don't speak Japanese? 11B12/J: No sir, not a word. Lt.: How did you get that designation, Cpl.? 11B12/J: It's a long story sir. Are you sure you want to hear it? Lt.: No, perhaps not. Why don't you change it Cpl.? 11B12/J: Oh, I tired to sir. I signed up for the His Majesty's Royal New Zealand Armed Forces Japanese Illiteracy Test. Lt.: Do you mean to tell me there is a test to PROVE you don't speak Japanese? 11B12/J: Yes sir. Lt.: Well, then, I should think you would pass with flying colors. 11B12/J: Yes sir, that is what I thought. Lt.: And? 11B12/J: And, what, sir? Lt.: And, did you pass the Japanese Illiteracy Test? How is it you still have the "J" on your designation? After all, we are trying to run a war here, aren't we? 11B12/J: Yes sir, I have heard we are trying to run a war, although sometimes you could fool me, sir. Lt.: Yes, yes, but what about the illiteracy test? 11B12/J: Oh, yes sir, I took it three times. Lt.: Three times? And? 11B12/J: Yes sir, failed every time. Lt.: But you just told me you don't speak a word of Japanese? 11B12/J: No sir, not a word. Lt.: Then how could you possibly fail an illiteracy test three times in a language of which you know nothing? 11B12/J: Well, sir, it's multiple choice, sir. And the instructions, sir...well... Lt.: Well, what, Cpl.? 11B12/J: Well, you se sir, the instruction are IN Japanese. Lt.: <after a pause> Sweet Jesus! 11B12/J: Yes sir, that is pretty much what I said each time..."Sweet Jesus!" Lt.: <looks confused> But the..why would you use an expression, like "Sweet Jesus" if you are....well.....you know? 11B12/J: Know what, sir? Lt.: Well...you know...if you are...oh come on..you know what I mean. 11B12/J: Ohhh, you mean Jewish sir? Yes, I just try to fit in. Lt.: <rubs face with both hands for several seconds> Uhhhhh. That is quite forward thinking of you , Cpl. What say you we try the Japs again? How about "chop chop" to convey urgency? 11B12/J: Isn't that CHINESE, sir? Lt.: Just try it, Cpl. 11B12/J: <turns toward the bunker> OFFICUH..SAY...COME...OUT...NOW...CHOP CHOP! Holy Crap...gotta go...Stalker Girl is here..I am so whipped. To be continued
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 2/7/2009 6:21:12 PM >
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