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RE: On leave from the Belgian "Special Forces" - 3/13/2010 4:36:50 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Oh, oh. Can't wait for the flood of angry forum PM's in Flemish.


By the way, is it just me or are the security words to log onto the forum in Arabic?

I just logged on with "Ummuar", which means "woman whose wax at beauty salon looks like carpet sample".


********Aboard IJN Shokaku, some 170 mi WSW of Santa Cruz Islands, January 21, 1942*******


Young Hideo "Sparks" Hata pushes a broom in the radio room of the flagship of the Kido Butai. He is an earnest man, proud of his position. There is a small carpet from the last port stop at Truk. Every piece of fringe is perfectly aligned with the flight deck. Every stack of papers is neatly bound. Pages outside of standard size have been hand trimmed so no edges will stick out. His food is arranged in neat little piles which must not touch the other piles. He doesn't know it yet because it hasn't been invented but he has some serious OCD. He is a real nutbar, but earnest. Did I say that?

Anyway, he spies a dust bunny behind an ominous looking electrical cabinet which glows yellow with vacuum tubes. A sign reads "Imperial Croaking Device". He puts one foot behind the cabinet and struggles to reach the dust bunny with the broom. It is a supreme scrifice because there might be spiders or something, but he is compelled to act. The broom becomes entangled in some electrical cords. He gives a small tug...then a larger one until the broom pulls free. At the same time, the vacuum tubes turn dark and there is the sound of fans winding down.

He is a man who likes to be efficient with his words. This is a no brainer, "OH ****!"



< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/13/2010 4:54:44 PM >

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RE: On leave from the Belgian "Special Forces" - 3/13/2010 6:46:07 PM   
Mynok


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Oh ruck?

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Post #: 392
RE: On leave from the Belgian "Special Forces" - 3/14/2010 12:29:27 AM   
USSAmerica


Posts: 18715
Joined: 10/28/2002
From: Graham, NC, USA
Status: offline 		It seems there may have been a Japanese CV sighting in an unexpected area last turn.  

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Mike

"Good times will set you free" - Jimmy Buffett

"They need more rum punch" - Me


Artwork by The Amazing Dixie

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Post #: 393
RE: On leave from the Belgian "Special Forces" - 3/14/2010 1:24:34 AM   
khyberbill


Posts: 1941
Joined: 9/11/2007
From: new milford, ct
Status: offline
quote:

It seems there may have been a Japanese CV sighting in an unexpected area last turn.

One without radio. How can they listen to Imus in the morning?

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Post #: 394
Discipline - 3/14/2010 4:09:28 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:


Janaury 21, 1942


To All Sailors and Officers of IJN Shokaku;


Effective immediately, all foreign language swear words are hearby banned from use aboard this vessel. Especailly, I don't want to hear anyone saying, "Madre de Dios" on this vessel again. This order also applies to expressions from our allies. I have heard several sailors saying "non mi rompere le palle". Do you really want your mother's to know you speak like that? And just yesterday, in the officers dining room, I heard an officer exclaim, "SCHIESSE!", when he was given a large helping of creamed chip beef on toast. We are eating better than most Japanese on the home islands. Please show some gratitude. The Discipline Officer will distribute an approved list of Japanese language curses that may be used if you drop a 250 kg bomb on your toes or something, but hey, let's not wear them out, OK? See, that is the problem. If you curse over little things then you will find when the need really arises, you will have to find more fantastical curses. I have asked the ship's surgeon to give a serious of lectures on Stoicism. This might help.


Your Captain

Matsubara Hiroshi



PS. If I find out that some other useless, ****-for-brains, dumb **** unplugs the ***-****** Imperial mother-******* Croaking Device I will put my ***-****** boot so far up the stupid ****-******'s *** he won't know whether to **** or wind his wrist watch.

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Post #: 395
RE: Discipline - 3/14/2010 4:49:57 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Cap:

****! That ****** Hiroshi is really ****** ***!

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Post #: 396
Primum non nocere - 3/14/2010 5:00:55 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		This seems to be the motto of the USN of late, but at least nothing big got sunk the past few days.

USS Cuttlefish put in to Wenchow after suffering a near fatal depth charge attack. The flooding had stabilized and she was beginning to repair. Then the Japs found her and put a bomb into her with one of those generally useless Marys. That is particularly galling.

South Pac:

The KB was spotted moving NE near the Santa Cruz Islands. Most likely they are headed to Truk. I cant believe they have any more fuel or operations points left for another "double-back" move so I am proceding with a surge of troop transports bound for Noumea.

Noumea is a level 2 airfield and buidling. A Marine SBD squadron and a Marine F4F squadron should be there in 2 days. I am hoping for a window of opportunity to reinforce Noumea while the KB is refueling.

Samoa is a level 3 building to level 4 with one squadron of P-39's and one squadron P-40B's. The port is still inadequate.

Yorktown is proceding to Oz to link up with Enterprise. Enterprise will take on Saratoga's air complement. Two carriers cant take on the grouping of Shokaku, Zuikaku, Hyryu and Soryu, but they will at least keep the Japs honest about sending air cover for any landing attempts in New Caledonia or further South.

A seaplane tender is headed for Lord Howe Island to give better search capability over the Coral Sea.

The first two squadrons of B-17E's are staging at Canton for movement to Oz.

PI: Manila held for a big Jap attack on the 20th at 1:1 odds. Supply is good at Manila as I have been able to land supplies in drips and drabs. Single AK's are coming all the way from Pearl now as the supply route via the Makassar Strait is now shut. I am not sure if the Japs don't know that supplies are coming in or if they don't care. I had not lost one AK in this role until Kaga moved intot he Makassar Strait to support the landing at Samarwhatsitsname. Bataan has nearly 40,000 supply and level 4 fortifications. I have moved all the artillery and the best US Army and Marine units to Bataan to prepare for the seige when Manila or Clark need to be abandoned. Supply is sketchy at Clark but the troopps there are in good shape. The Japs are bombarding daily.

Mindanao: Davao fell 2 d ago. The Japs have limited forces on Mindanao but there is no hope to hold so the Cagayan USN engineer unit is getting out to Ambon.

DEI: Tarakan holds. Samarwhatsitsname fell. Now the Japs will come by land to take Balikpapan. Can't be helped. All the ground support troops there that could get out are ordered out to augment Darwin and Ambon.

Merak: Now has zeroes and has been mined by the Japs. No more naval bombardments. The huge Jap land force there hasn't budged. I suspect they are low on supply. They will likely need another supply convoy to get the offensive rolling. This will need carrier cover or they will pay a price in ships on the way in.

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Post #: 397
RE: Discipline - 3/14/2010 5:09:14 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Cap:

****! That ****** Hiroshi is really ****** ***!


Indeed, but he didn't get where he is just from his witty conversational skills and hilarious impersonations of Yamamoto.

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Post #: 398
RE: Discipline - 3/14/2010 5:16:51 PM   
Grollub


Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/9/2005
From: Lulea, Sweden
Status: offline 		Hmmm ... talking about Yamamoto. Attached is a screen shot from the save file screen in my current PBEM. When I recieved the first turn from my opp (in slot 120), I responded with the one in slot 121.




Attachment (1)

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Post #: 399
Cleaning Lady - 3/14/2010 5:28:51 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Grollub;

I would caution you about giving the CINCPAC cleaning lady too much authority. I made a similar mistake and now I tend find a set of allen wrenches that I haven't seen for 2 years in the drawer with old swimming suits I havent used in 10 years. This is, of course, after I spent 2 hrs looking for the damn allen wrenches and finally broke down and bought a new set.

Before you know it she will have your carriers doing mine sweeping duty.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/14/2010 5:29:19 PM >

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Post #: 400
RE: Cleaning Lady - 3/14/2010 5:31:07 PM   
Grollub


Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/9/2005
From: Lulea, Sweden
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Grollub;

I would caution you about giving the CINCPAC cleaning lady too much authority. I made a similar mistake and now I tend find a set of allen wrenches that I haven't seen for 2 years in the drawer with old swimming suits I havent used in 10 years. This is, of course, after I spent 2 hrs looking for the damn allen wrenches and finally broke down and bought a new set.

Before you know it she will have your carriers doing mine sweeping duty.



_____________________________

“Not mastering metaphores is like cooking pasta when the train is delayed"

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Post #: 401
Mary, Mother of God! - 3/14/2010 5:45:36 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		*********Cagayan de Oro harbor, Mindanao, January 21, 1942********

A group of USAAF personnel and a dozen Fillipino stevadores squint into the blinding sun as a rusty crane lowers a heavy load from the even more rusty 1,700 ton, Prince of Negros, which is alongside the quay. As the load is swung over the dock it can now be well seen. It is an awesome thing to see. It is a large twin-tailed fighter aircraft with a graceful twin fuselage and evidently powerful engines. The engines and canopy are covered with canvas for transport. On each is stenciled the words "M&M Enterpises, Aviation Division, a licensed reseller of Lockheed AIrcraft Corporation".


Master Sargeant McMillan, Maint. Crew Chief, 34th PS, USAAF: <the Master Sargeant thinks about the P-35's he has labored over for 8 months, only one of which is still flight-worth. Tears of joy come to his eyes> Mary, Mother of God!

Stevadore: <makes sign of the cross> Madre de Dios!

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Post #: 402
ULOINI - 3/14/2010 9:25:59 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		This is the latest sign-in password..ULOINI...Again, it has a real world meaning. It's Samoan for "woman whose breasts sag down really low like in National Geographic"


Here is my question. I have a squadron of P-40B's at Samoa (imagine that) which are flagged to Pacific Fleet. The have an operational radius of 6. When I try to transfer them to a nearby base my only option is the other base on Samoa (contiguous by land).

What gives. It seems Noumea, for eg., should be within the transfer radius which used to be 3 x operational radius. What gives?

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/14/2010 9:26:04 PM >

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Post #: 403
RE: ULOINI - 3/14/2010 9:35:27 PM   
aprezto


Posts: 824
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Isn't the transfer range listed in the squads stats? I don't know what the P-40B's transfer radius is, but I do know they can't mount drop tanks - which are handy for transfering in the pacific

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Image courtesy of Divepac

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Post #: 404
RE: ULOINI - 3/14/2010 9:45:30 PM   
witpqs


Posts: 26087
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: Argleton
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

What gives. It seems Noumea, for eg., should be within the transfer radius which used to be 3 x operational radius. What gives?


You're all mixed up, Cap! 2 x the range from an HQ is to upgrade (& maybe get replacements). Transfer range is right on the air group display - max range IIRC. There was never any 3 x thing AFAIK.

Try the P-40 E model. They can use drop tanks to transfer farther, but you gotta have enough supply.

BTW, I thought Uloini was the mayor of Corleone?

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Post #: 405
RE: ULOINI - 3/14/2010 10:01:46 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: witpqs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

What gives. It seems Noumea, for eg., should be within the transfer radius which used to be 3 x operational radius. What gives?


You're all mixed up, Cap! 2 x the range from an HQ is to upgrade (& maybe get replacements). Transfer range is right on the air group display - max range IIRC. There was never any 3 x thing AFAIK.

Try the P-40 E model. They can use drop tanks to transfer farther, but you gotta have enough supply.


Oh, Bloody Hell! I hate when I get all mixed up.

quote:

BTW, I thought Uloini was the mayor of Corleone?


Well...there is Thor Hyerdahl's theory about Samoa being populated by Sicilian's traveling on balsa wood rafts...or maybe it is the other way around.

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Post #: 406
IHZIME - 3/14/2010 10:09:24 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aprezto

Isn't the transfer range listed in the squads stats? I don't know what the P-40B's transfer radius is, but I do know they can't mount drop tanks - which are handy for transfering in the pacific


IHZIME noun, swahili, translates roughly to "general shape of woman but has curly hairs on chin"

As for the P-40B not carrying drop tanks. They shoulda put a warning label or something on the God damned thing. I am going to do something about this. I'm not quite sure what it will be yet, but it will certainly be pointless at best and possibly even self-destructive...but I will feel better afterward.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/14/2010 10:11:06 PM >

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Post #: 407
RE: IHZIME - 3/14/2010 10:23:23 PM   
Mynok


Posts: 12108
Joined: 11/30/2002
Status: offline
Not only do we get jackspeak, but we find out there are a billion words for 'ugly woman' and none for 'quiet lady'.


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Post #: 408
RE: IHZIME - 3/14/2010 10:35:59 PM   
aprezto


Posts: 824
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		'quiet lady' is an oxymoron.

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Image courtesy of Divepac

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Post #: 409
Operation Clamshell - 3/15/2010 1:43:11 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		*****Western Command HQ, San Francisco, January 22, 1942******


Gen. De Witt surveys a wall sized map of the Washington, Oregon and california coastlines in a planning meeting.


Gen. De Witt: Now, If I were your typical, crafty, little yellow Jap bastard, where would I land?

Aide 1: Are your sure there is really a threat to the West Coast, sir? There main effort seems now to be in the South Pacific.

Gen. De Witt: That's what they WANT you to think Major. Oh, they are comin' all right. I can feel it in my bones. But where?

Aide 2: San Francisco perhaps? Los Angeles?

Gen. De Witt: Nah...too obvious. If I were them, I would split the difference and hit us where we are weak..<walks close to Central Califronia on the map...then after 20-30 pensive seconds he exclaims> HERE! Right here! PISMO BEACH! Your Japs are going to land there. Two weeks tops! <there is a stir in the room> No time for shore defences, we need a ready reaction force real close. Ideas?

Aide 2: How about Ford Ord in San ouis Obispo? It's about 15 miles away from Pismo.

Gen. De Witt: SPLENDID! San Luis Obispo it is. I want the 35th ID there and and least 2 Bn. of armor and 2 field artillery units. And get a Corps HQ there fast. The Japs won't know what hit them when they tangle with De Witt.






Attachment (1)

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/15/2010 1:46:15 AM >

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RE: Operation Clamshell - 3/15/2010 2:16:24 AM   
BrucePowers


Posts: 12094
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline 		Pismo Beach. Didn't Bugs Bunny like it there. I remember a couple of cartoons........

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Post #: 411
RE: Discipline - 3/15/2010 2:58:28 AM   
Onime No Kyo


Posts: 16842
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

quote:


Janaury 21, 1942


To All Sailors and Officers of IJN Shokaku;


Effective immediately, all foreign language swear words are hearby banned from use aboard this vessel. Especailly, I don't want to hear anyone saying, "Madre de Dios" on this vessel again. This order also applies to expressions from our allies. I have heard several sailors saying "non mi rompere le palle". Do you really want your mother's to know you speak like that? And just yesterday, in the officers dining room, I heard an officer exclaim, "SCHIESSE!", when he was given a large helping of creamed chip beef on toast. We are eating better than most Japanese on the home islands. Please show some gratitude. The Discipline Officer will distribute an approved list of Japanese language curses that may be used if you drop a 250 kg bomb on your toes or something, but hey, let's not wear them out, OK? See, that is the problem. If you curse over little things then you will find when the need really arises, you will have to find more fantastical curses. I have asked the ship's surgeon to give a serious of lectures on Stoicism. This might help.


Your Captain

Matsubara Hiroshi



PS. If I find out that some other useless, ****-for-brains, dumb **** unplugs the ***-****** Imperial mother-******* Croaking Device I will put my ***-****** boot so far up the stupid ****-******'s *** he won't know whether to **** or wind his wrist watch.



Wind his wrist watch. Thats a good one I havent heard in a while.

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Post #: 412
RE: Operation Clamshell - 3/15/2010 3:53:45 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

Pismo Beach. Didn't Bugs Bunny like it there. I remember a couple of cartoons........


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Baba_Bunny


Apparently Bugs liked clams....the ones you dig up at Pismo Beach.

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Post #: 413
RE: Cleaning Lady - 3/15/2010 3:26:23 PM   
Grollub


Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/9/2005
From: Lulea, Sweden
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Grollub;

I would caution you about giving the CINCPAC cleaning lady too much authority. I made a similar mistake and now I tend find a set of allen wrenches that I haven't seen for 2 years in the drawer with old swimming suits I havent used in 10 years. This is, of course, after I spent 2 hrs looking for the damn allen wrenches and finally broke down and bought a new set.

Before you know it she will have your carriers doing mine sweeping duty.

Hmmm ... come to think of it I should use her as an air leader instead - she should be able to set up clean sweeps ...

_____________________________

“Not mastering metaphores is like cooking pasta when the train is delayed"

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 414
RE: Cleaning Lady - 3/16/2010 4:09:33 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grollub

Hmmm ... come to think of it I should use her as an air leader instead - she should be able to set up clean sweeps ...


Try it if you are adventurous but don't use a Mayan housekeepr. Mine uses an electric vacuum clearner to pick up a couple of atoms of dirt on the hardwood floor.

Apparently the broom doesn't exist in the Yucatan.


PS...I realize the Mayan housekeeper supply is a bit scarce in Scandavia.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/16/2010 4:17:19 AM >

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Post #: 415
Luzon - 3/16/2010 4:15:31 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		On the 22nd of January the Japs attacked both at Manila and the Clark Field defences.

The attack went off at 1:1 at Manila with substantial disrutption to the attacking forces but about equal casualties. The attack at Clark failed at 1:2.

Bettys are now attacking Manila. I will attmept to surprise them with a mixture of P-40's and P-38's.

Also...the Imperial Croaking Device got plugged back in.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 3/16/2010 4:18:21 AM >

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Post #: 416
RE: Luzon - 3/16/2010 10:23:58 AM   
sprior


Posts: 8596
Joined: 6/18/2002
From: Portsmouth, UK
Status: offline 		Meanwhile, the Sherbert Dips seem to hold some kind of fascination for Johny Jap as they hunker down in Rangoon scoffing.

_____________________________

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"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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Post #: 417
RE: Luzon - 3/16/2010 2:54:14 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Bettys are now attacking Manila. I will attmept to surprise them with a mixture of P-40's and P-38's.


My-that would be quite the surprise! Where are you going to get P-38s in the Phillipines in January 1942?

_____________________________


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Post #: 418
RE: Luzon - 3/16/2010 3:03:12 PM   
sprior


Posts: 8596
Joined: 6/18/2002
From: Portsmouth, UK
Status: offline 		Jan 22.

The Dutch fly boys attack convoys at merak and miss everything, including the planet Earth apparently.

meanwhile the Dutch army keeps the 5th Amphinious Brigade at bay in Tarakan for another day. 7 days and counting so far.

Diggers and supplies reach Ambon unmolested. I don't think we'll stop them taking it but it will slow JJ down a bit.

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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Post #: 419
RE: Luzon - 3/16/2010 11:45:18 PM   
Menser

 

Posts: 206
Joined: 5/2/2005
From: Peabody, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		On each is stenciled the words "M&M Enterpises, Aviation Division, a licensed reseller of Lockheed AIrcraft Corporation".

the fine print underneath says "Batteries and drop tanks not included, some assembly required."

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