Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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********HQ, Pacific Fleet, Pearl Harbor, March 4, 1942********* Adm. Kimmel:...look, I don't care how you do it, but we need more SBD's. We have already stripped two carriers of their complement and they keep calling for more at Noum...err..I mean New Edinburgh. There is no greater need in the Pacific...Hell...there is no greater need ANYWHERE! JUST GET ME SOME GOD DAMNED SBD'S, GOD DAMNIT! Aide: What about resources, sir? Adm. Kimmel: Resources? What the Hell are you talking about son? Aide: <looks into the anteroom where a lawyer sits awaiting to meet the Admiral. The aide whispers> m-o-n-e-y sir. Adm. Kimmel: Oh, that. How about the Arizona memorial fund? Aide: We used that already, sir, on the Kriegsmarine torpedo importation program. <still whispering> Adm. Kimmel: <now whispering too> How about the money for the civilian contractors at Wake..you know..the whatchamacallit account? Aide: Escrow account, sir? Adm. Kimmel: Yes, that one. God knows they aren't going to be needing it very soon. Aide: I'll look into it, sir. Adm. Kimmel: Good. Get me some results, son. And try to scare up some F4F's too. And tell that lawyer to come in here when you leave. Aide: Yes, sir! <exits..the lawyer enters the office and closes the door> Lawyer: Good morning, Admiral. Thomas Thomas Dewey, esquire, at your service sir. <offers his hand> Adm. Kimmel: Good morning, son. Did you say "Thomas Thomas"? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Yes, sir. You see, I already had a cousin named Thomas, Thomas Edmund. There would have been a big fight. Adm. Kimmel: I see, well why don't you just leave out your middle name? It is quite confusing. I wasn't sure if you had some kind of impediment. T. T. Dewey, Esq.: I did, sir. Adm. Kimmel: But you just told me your middle name was "Thomas", did you not? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Yes, sir, that is my SECOND middle name, sir. My first middle name is George, sir, after the Admiral. Adm. Kimmel: Ahh, splendid. How about I call you George, then? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Sorry, sir. That won't work. You see, EVERY male on my father's side has George as a middle name. My grandfather was acutally George George Dewey. Adm. Kimmel: Ah, so he only had ONE middle name, then? How original. T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Not really, sir. his real middle name was Thomas. He just didn't use it. I am sort of named after him. Adm. Kimmel: Why didn't he use Thomas, then. I'm not sure I understand. Where there a passel of Thomas's at the time? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: No, I think he just really liked George, sir. Adm. Kimmel: <pinches nose> Well, what say I just call you "T. T."? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: That is my cat's name, sir. Adm. Kimmel: Will the cat be on the legal, team? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: No sir, I wasn't contmeplating that sir. Adm. Kimmel: Splendid! T. T. it is then. Now, what have you to help in my defence before the Pearl Harbor Commission, T. T.? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Ah, yes sir. <opens briefcase> I was thinking the issue of "House Rules" is quite a strong argument. I was lead to believe that no ships at Pearl could put to sea and no air units could be reconfigured. Adm. Kimmel: Yes, that's true. Nothing East of Wake. T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Wonderful, sir. Now, in addition, I would like to see if there are any mitigating circumstances. Adm. Kimmel: Mitigating circumstances? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Yes, sir. For example, were you dropped on your head as a baby? Adm. Kimmel: Dropped on my head? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Yes sir, it's the whole brain-damaged defence. Adm. Kimmel: How would I know if I had brain damage? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: That's the whole beauty of it, sir. Nobody really knows. Perhaps your mother would know, sir. Adm. Kimmel: But I graduated the Naval Academy. What if one of the officers on the panel graduated lower than me in the class ranking and you make the argument that I have brain damage? How do you think that is going to work out? T. T. Dewey, Esq.: Hmmm, excellent point sir. Let's move on to traumatic experiences. Did you suffer any traumatic childhood experiencs? Adm. Kimmel: Hmmmm. Well, there was that time Uncle Thomas George "Stumpy" Dewey chopped off a couple of fingers in the combine....
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 6/5/2010 3:58:08 PM >
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