i really got a psychological problem

Matrix Games Forums

Forums Register Login Photo Gallery Member List Search Calendars FAQ

My Profile Inbox Address Book My Subscription My Forums Log Out

i really got a psychological problem

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

Users viewing this topic: none

Printable Version

All Forums >> [New Releases from Matrix Games] >> War in the Pacific: Admiral's Edition >> i really got a psychological problem

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 8:54:16 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

too much frustration is just killing the pleasure of game.
I can't stand frustration. I can't stand failure, wether it come from my stupidity or it come from bad luck (and i am unable to judge if i make stupid choice in game or if i have bad luck every time).
Player on this board usually give advice (at least i had a bunch of good advice on my AAR on the old Witp Forum), but it seem that even when i apply these advice, it don't give the expected results. Or i am too dumb to understand that i didn't made the things like i should. Or it can't always give good results.
But i have the feeling of only having BAD results; maybe another player wood see the good part of things; is it just me seing the wrong part, or is there really only wrong part ?
One could tell : take time, have a rest, you will see things on a different way in a day or two. First, i will then have to tell my opponant to wait, but for what reason ? Second, it does not allow me to see things better after a time of waiting.

Problem is that frustration don't come from Witp solely. I have many others game (only strategic games, i don't like others kind).
But i always end with frustration. And i usually play on the easiest level when facing an AI.
And frustration worsten (word ??) my day. And give me bad mood; and sometime lead me to be unbearable to my wife and to myself.

I sometime tried to stop playing, thinking about reading or looking TV (wrong choice, there is nothing interesting on TV). But in usually one or two days, i lost interest in the others things i try to do, willing to play to something.
Just imagine a little child of 2 or 3 years begging " i want to play" : it's me. Can't find interest in work, i think of my game; and then i come back home, and i get straight to my computer to play...and in a few minutes i get frustrated.

How to get free of this doomed addiction that Game mean ? Is there a psychological disease known about this ? Is there a way to cure ? A way to find interest in something else (to get free of this addiction, but still having something to do ? )
Does others peoples had this kind of thinking, or am i the only stupid dumb cretin having this kind of feeling ?

Now my opponant is waiting for my turn. And i don't wan't to reply. Or to just tell him that i give up....
Wife is looking at me in disarray, looking for some words to tell me, but even if i appreciate her support, it does not help.
Would like to become stupid enough to give up every games and just spend all my time on TV...

Don't know what to do.

_____________________________

Post #: 1

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:04:35 PM

Grfin Zeppelin

Posts: 1515
Joined: 12/3/2007
From: Germany
Status: offline

What is the usual source of frustration ? Making errors, forgeting something, a good plan goes wrong, geting a thrill because of the challenge or something else or all combined ?
From what you say I can only conclude you are prone to stress and you are geting into this state rather quickly if things dont go your way.Wich leads to the question is it only in games or are there other situations too ?

_____________________________

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 2

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:15:38 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gr�fin Zeppelin

What is the usual source of frustration ? Making errors, forgeting something, a good plan goes wrong, geting a thrill because of the challenge or something else or all combined ?
From what you say I can only conclude you are prone to stress and you are geting into this state rather quickly if things dont go your way.Wich leads to the question is it only in games or are there other situations too ?

Interesting question. I would say: everything. I sometime make errors; i then feel stupid, but try to correct them. I often make plans and they get wrong , and then i say to myself: WTF, this was not worth the effort. I often (too often ?) feel i have bad luck. But this is my feeling, and someone else could say: a) the result is logical
b) the result is not that bad
c) you didn't made too much mistakes

Now, about life. Am i prone to stress: this is something i am unable to say; i should ask my wife/friends. Usually, people think that i am rather cool. I tend to think that this is GAME that make me react like this. Like if it's not a game but something much more important. I already had failed exam, i don't feel the same feeling. Younger, i had failure with womens (who didn't ?), and having less frustration failure. I just learned that my Human Ressource Departement refuse my upgrading for someone not having succeed in exam, that bother me but don't have the same frustration feeling.
Of course your question is much valid (and i don't feel offended at all, you had to ask it), but from my point of vue, the games are the MAIN (from far) sources of frustration.
And that's why i feel addicted in the wrong sense, and thinking i should get rid of and feel free (but , as said in first post, already tried).
Thanks for interest

_____________________________

(in reply to Grfin Zeppelin)

Post #: 3

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:33:11 PM

Grfin Zeppelin

Posts: 1515
Joined: 12/3/2007
From: Germany
Status: offline

Hmmm hmmm well I am glad to hear it does not affect your rl, that a realy good thing :)

Ok, addict you say. Well if you go to work regulary and your wife (or children if you have) is/are pleased with your attention then its not somewthing to worry about, its simple as that.Dont get the self picture of a junkie because you play alot commpared to others.

So how serious do you play ? How much of your "lifeblood" is going into a game ? If a strategy game is serious business for you (nothing wrong about it btw) than its for example not a surprise at all if something going wrong causes stress. I guess one could even define his/her own (important)abilities from those games and henceforth very quickly geting am impression of failur or being unsatisfiet with ones abilities.

_____________________________

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 4

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:37:41 PM

DeriKuk

Posts: 359
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Alberta
Status: offline

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

(in reply to Grfin Zeppelin)

Post #: 5

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:39:04 PM

Kwik E Mart

Posts: 2447
Joined: 7/22/2004
Status: offline

gladiatt,
i empathize with your plight. i'm not sure how similar our situations are, but i think i know what you're going thru.

i am an avid golfer and carry a 3-4 handicap, so i think i know what i'm doing on the course most of the time. i recently went thru a stretch where i had what is known as the "yips". on the putting green, i would get an involuntary muscle twitch just before contacting the ball. the weird thing is that the closer to the hole i was, the worse it got - it was as if my body was "afraid" to hit the ball. i had trouble making one foot tap-ins. it got so bad that i considered quitting the game. i wasn't having fun anymore. i was embarassed around my buddies. i felt like i was wasting money by going out and playing.

i realized that i had to take a hard (and honest) look at myself if i wanted to continue my passion of golf. i realized that i was putting (pun not intended!) too much pressure on myself. i was so concerned about the "result" that my mechanics broke down completely. i literally had to forgive myself before the putt and give myself permission to fail. i know it sounds simplistic, but once i started doing that, i began making putts again.

my advice is to give yourself permission to fail when playing strategy games. after all, it's not a life and death proposition. perhaps you will find yourself making better decisions and improving your play. at the very least, you will have more fun! good luck.

_____________________________

Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!
Ron Swanson: Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 6

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:43:05 PM

Kwik E Mart

Posts: 2447
Joined: 7/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

beat me by a couple minutes...very "cosmic"

_____________________________

Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!
Ron Swanson: Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

(in reply to DeriKuk)

Post #: 7

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 9:46:09 PM

AW1Steve

Posts: 14507
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: Mordor Illlinois
Status: offline

Eric, I just sent you an e-mail with a suggestion....let me know what you think!

_____________________________

(in reply to Kwik E Mart)

Post #: 8

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:27:27 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

i understand much of what you said. Really. Is it just me that can't admit some thing ? I am insignificant, i know it. I can't admit it: people should know that i am the best player on world (of everything, except maybe poker and golf), the best writer (damn, my book should be edited so people could know), the best friend, the best historian guy, the white knight, the killer of godzilla, and so on....

.
Yes, i have to admit things. Even loosing: this i know, i knew it since the beginning. Knowing is something. Admitting is something else. You are right and have the good point.
What is funny is that i can admit that i am not the best sportsman, the best worker, the most beautiful men, the most intelligent, and that i am not the most attractive lover. This, i know and admit.
As usual, it"s about game: i can't admit to loose. I have something broken in my mind.
Thanks for advice tough.

_____________________________

(in reply to DeriKuk)

Post #: 9

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:32:16 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kwik E Mart

gladiatt,
i empathize with your plight. i'm not sure how similar our situations are, but i think i know what you're going thru.

i am an avid golfer and carry a 3-4 handicap, so i think i know what i'm doing on the course most of the time. i recently went thru a stretch where i had what is known as the "yips". on the putting green, i would get an involuntary muscle twitch just before contacting the ball. the weird thing is that the closer to the hole i was, the worse it got - it was as if my body was "afraid" to hit the ball. i had trouble making one foot tap-ins. it got so bad that i considered quitting the game. i wasn't having fun anymore. i was embarassed around my buddies. i felt like i was wasting money by going out and playing.

i realized that i had to take a hard (and honest) look at myself if i wanted to continue my passion of golf. i realized that i was putting (pun not intended!) too much pressure on myself. i was so concerned about the "result" that my mechanics broke down completely. i literally had to forgive myself before the putt and give myself permission to fail. i know it sounds simplistic, but once i started doing that, i began making putts again.

my advice is to give yourself permission to fail when playing strategy games. after all, it's not a life and death proposition. perhaps you will find yourself making better decisions and improving your play. at the very least, you will have more fun! good luck.

Hey, i don't know much about Golf, but it remind me of the time i tried Tennis. Of the time i tried Rugby. Of the time i tried cycling.
Of the time i tried Judo.
Yes, i must learn to fail, i must learn to have fun.
I think i have find what's get wrong (thanks to all who write here, they helped me remind what it is).
And that's coming from the deepest of my childhood. Damn, having some tears coming to my eyes thinking of it. I had forgooten it, and i thought i had made without it....and i was wrong, it have an influence on my whole life.
My two parents, each at a different time, always told me that i was unable to do something well, asking always more and more results (on everything: lessons at school,exams latter, sports, dexterity, and else), comparing me with my brother.
That's maybe some explanation....
Thanks for advice guys

_____________________________

(in reply to Kwik E Mart)

Post #: 10

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:33:06 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AW1Steve

Eric, I just sent you an e-mail with a suggestion....let me know what you think!

i think i must learn to swimm very quickly, because my ships will sunk and my sailors will drow

_____________________________

(in reply to AW1Steve)

Post #: 11

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:41:41 PM

AW1Steve

Posts: 14507
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: Mordor Illlinois
Status: offline

There is a very funny tounge-in-cheek book called "Winning through intimidation". The author jokingly says you should begin by trying to intimidate small children first, then older ones.

You might want to try "baby- steps". Shorter games, less experinced players.
Don't make the mistake I make, I generally challenge players who are far better than I am. So when they do whip my backside, I can console myself that I've learned from the masters.

_____________________________

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 12

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:48:17 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AW1Steve

There is a very funny tounge-in-cheek book called "Winning through intimidation". The author jokingly says you should begin by trying to intimidate small children first, then older ones.

You might want to try "baby- steps". Shorter games, less experinced players.
Don't make the mistake I make, I generally challenge players who are far better than I am. So when they do whip my backside, I can console myself that I've learned from the masters.

No risk with me: i think you would soon discover that i am not as good as you. Or i would discover that i am not as good as you thought you would be compared to me wich was comparing to you wich thought i should expect to be better but was in fact worse than you pretend.....

or something like that.

_____________________________

(in reply to AW1Steve)

Post #: 13

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/13/2010 10:51:32 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

i see there are a few readers, and a few gave answer.
Thanks to all of you. You can of course still react, i will come to see (and maybe answer) tomorrow, now i am going to

because i feel very tired ( emotion have this result).

Just to let you know i send back my turn to my opponant....but i am still not sure what to really do (end or not).

I really really must think of registering myself on the non-reliable player list

(i like the smiley, if you didn't guess ).

_____________________________

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 14

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 12:17:08 AM

The Gnome

Posts: 1233
Joined: 5/17/2002
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

/stands up
Hi, my name is Joe and I am a perfectionist and control-freak.

I'm in a life-long quest to beat my perfectionism, it really can be paralyzing. Just remember, never let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I just try to remind myself everything but God is inherently flawed (unless you're an atheist in which case flat everything is flawed) and not to be too hard on myself.

Many perfectionists, myself included, have their perfectionism drive them to inaction. Since everything you do will be imperfect, just do something, anything. Mistakes are a good thing, they help you learn, they lead to accidental discoveries.

Mistakes are good!

(in reply to DeriKuk)

Post #: 15

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 1:05:11 AM

patrickl

Posts: 1530
Joined: 6/20/2002
From: Singapore
Status: offline

The actual war in the Pacific during WW2 wasn't perfect. Lex, Hornet, Yorktown, Wasp sunk, Battle of Savo Island, etc.

_____________________________

Banner designed by rogueusmc

(in reply to The Gnome)

Post #: 16

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 1:52:24 AM

Rob Brennan UK

Posts: 3685
Joined: 8/24/2002
From: London UK
Status: offline

Don't think of yourself as insignificant , else whatever you do in life seems completely poinless, You aren't insignificant relative to your loved ones, friends, family and even us long range/impersonal forum peeps.

Compared to the universe (infinite or otherwise) our entire solar system is so so tiny that it seems insignificant on a cosmic scale. However we aren't wired right to really think in those terms and should concentrate on our own lives where we are anything but insignificant.

Anyhoo , thats my pop psyc tip for the day.

_____________________________

sorry for the spelling . English is my main language , I just can't type . and i'm too lazy to edit :)

(in reply to patrickl)

Post #: 17

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 2:27:15 AM

aprezto

Posts: 824
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline

There is also the point of realising that the other guy, be that an AI, doesn't want to lose either.

So many sports, or competitive environment personalities blame a bad outcome on the way they did things.

Remember the AI has been made to be challenging by a strategically minded person that wants to challenge and even beat you. A PBEM opponent more so.

I think the advice about recognising, and using a loss to learn, is very important - if somewhat difficult to take, advice.

You never really know the pure fantastic buzz of victory unless you are comparing it to the bitter pill of defeat.

_____________________________

Image courtesy of Divepac

(in reply to Rob Brennan UK)

Post #: 18

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 6:17:35 AM

Razz1

Posts: 2560
Joined: 10/21/2007
From: CaLiForNia
Status: offline

Sounds like playing the AI on easy setting is your problem, then expecting to play a human and win.

That's not goint to happen. Look up your local game store for board games.

Have them show you the ropes. A human touch goes along way.

Once someone guides you through a couple of stategy games you will get the hang of it.

They are basically all the same. Then you will know what level you are at.

Seek those players at your level. Then you will have fun.

Find a game you like where you can win easily.

Play that when you are frustrated. Find another way to relieve stress and still be constructive like weight lifting or bycycling.

(in reply to aprezto)

Post #: 19

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 7:04:24 AM

LoBaron

Posts: 4776
Joined: 1/26/2003
From: Vienna, Austria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gladiatt

Hey, i don't know much about Golf, but it remind me of the time i tried Tennis. Of the time i tried Rugby. Of the time i tried cycling.
Of the time i tried Judo.
Yes, i must learn to fail, i must learn to have fun.
I think i have find what's get wrong (thanks to all who write here, they helped me remind what it is).
And that's coming from the deepest of my childhood. Damn, having some tears coming to my eyes thinking of it. I had forgooten it, and i thought i had made without it....and i was wrong, it have an influence on my whole life.
My two parents, each at a different time, always told me that i was unable to do something well, asking always more and more results (on everything: lessons at school,exams latter, sports, dexterity, and else), comparing me with my brother.
That's maybe some explanation....
Thanks for advice guys

gladiatt it may be that this advice is completely off, but since I had a long phase in my life where
my experience was similar on many topics maybe what I write helps.

People view themselves and their interaction with their surroundings. There are those who view the world from inside out and simply asess the world outside,
and those who concentrate on the feedback loop and are very sensible to how the world interacts with them. (I paint black and white on purpose here)

Back in the old times I exclusively belong(ed) to the second group.

What the result of being one of the feedback loop guys is, is not so easy to explain but I�ll try: I am very sensible to emotional/situational changes
around me but combined with a high ammount of self awareness often concluded (wrongly) that these changes somehow originated from
me. This applied to situations of competition as well as moments of joy.
Its, so to say, a way of being ego-centric through tird party developers.

The problem though is, that as a result I was very fast to judge myself. When I did not stand back and tried to view a situation with some emotional distance
I happened to instinctively search for my fault, failing, or thoughtlesness that had "produced" an adverse situation.

That overdoing this is a bad idea only came to me on occasions where it really got hard to cope.
It took me a couple of bad experiences to find out that always seing yourself as the originator of everything is equally wrong as the "hey this was not my fault" departement.
I am not the centre everything revolves around. Insignificance is not the term I am searching for. Yes, you are insignificant compared to the size of the world, or, if you want, compared to
the universe. But you are NOT insignificant to those who are close to you. The funny thing is that not being insignificant is not equal to influencing everything.

What changed for me? I cut the feedback loop where I don�t need it.
If I have an opinion I voice it, if it does not suit everybody thats ok. If I like to do something I do it. If I don�t, I don�t. People who like me, like me because I am me.
People who dislike me or think I cannot live up to their expectations are welcome to do so, but this won�t change a notch of how I see myself and if they get on my nerves they can happily f*** off.
I am my hardest critic, this will probably never change. As long as I use this as a tool to improve when applicable and not as an emotional club to feel down
or worthless thats perfectly ok with me.

< Message edited by LoBaron -- 7/14/2010 10:48:26 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 20

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 11:21:02 AM

Yakface

Posts: 846
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

Hi gladiatt

You have my sympathies. Lots of people have written about some of the underlying pschological causes that cause the problems you are having. It does all look like good advice.

A few short term practical suggestions and thoughts:

1) The furstration you feel in your PBEM is felt by everyone on this board when something goes wrong. It is normal. The only difference is the degree to which it is affecting you.

You say your opponent is waiting for a turn. I have warned all my opponents that the first time he sinks one of my carriers, I will go into mourning for 3 days, but not to worry becuase I will be back. Let him know you need a short break, but you will definitely be back. I'm sure he won't mind

Don't touch or think about the game for 2-3 days. You will probably find you are not as frustrated when you come back to it.

2) Recognise, you don't want to play a game in which nothing goes against you. If it is nothing more than a procession across the map you would find it tedious. Losing or the risk of it is what makes succeeding fun as well. Accept it and see it as a positive in the sense that it allows for you to enjoy a success, which will come at some stage.

3) Do not take your feelings for a result in the game into the real world. Wives, girlfriends etc should not have to deal with any bullshit resulting from something you choose to do for fun. When you are not playing you are going to have to practice putting those feelings aside. Otherwise you risk coming to dislike yourself for any unpleasantness you are showing to those who care for you. That is a very bad slope to be on.

4) If after a few days break you find that on balance you are not enjoying the game (the highs and lows) and you believe it is not going to get any better, then you may be happier just not playing. You owe more to yourself and your wife etc than you do to your opponent. Appologise, but make the right decsions to let the game go. Try and actively find him someone who will step into the game for you.

If that is the case then you have a responsibility to consider whether the same thing is going to happen if you start another game. Play the short scenarios for a bit - if something goes wrong for you there then you and your opponent have not invested the time involved in the full campaign.

(in reply to LoBaron)

Post #: 21

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/14/2010 12:52:50 PM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

LoBaron thanks for good advice and support !

Yakface , you are right on the point ! (err, sorry if it does not make sense in english, i sometime translate directly from french). Your post hit me right in the heart/brain and you are right on many things.
And you have see one of my concern: should i stop to feel free and leave frustration behind me (but causing pain to my opponant), or would i feel more frustrated by not playing. Good point also on the fact that i won't like a milk run all the way....

Too much paradox in my little brain.

Thanks to all of you for your words

_____________________________

(in reply to Yakface)

Post #: 22

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 5:04:02 AM

bradfordkay

Posts: 8683
Joined: 3/24/2002
From: Olympia, WA
Status: offline

eric, I used to place a lot of importance on my strategy gaming - to the point that I would rant and scream when the die rolls went against me. I know that it lessened the fun of playing for my opponents (in the days of board wargames), and yet I couldn't control myself. I feel lucky that I had a couple of good friends who somehow managed to look past that problem and kept playing against me anyway.

Over the years I have mellowed somewhat, and don't place near as much importance on the outcome of my games. It is now the experience of playing the game that matters to me. If I start to get worked up, it is time to have an alcoholic drink or two and then take another look at the game. It helps somewhat that I have come to believe that Murphy's Law rules my life (you know the law - "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong - and at the worse possible time). Because of this I have become fairly philosophical about setbacks in my games.

If you really enjoy the game (and all the time you have spent here on the forum tells me that you do), then try to look at it as a chance to experience a really cool (but maddening) movie about the war. Try to worry less about the outcome and more about the voyage...

bonne chance!

_____________________________

fair winds,
Brad

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 23

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 5:17:01 AM

crsutton

Posts: 9590
Joined: 12/6/2002
From: Maryland
Status: offline

We are all addicted to this game and spend too much time gaming. Nobody in there right mind would be here on this forum if it were not so.

My wife has had to deal with that for almost 30 years now. I have rubbed her the wrong way but always stopped when I pushed her to hard. But yes, you really have it bad. You admit that yourself and that is the first step.

No game advice from me. You have to decide what is important to you. In the end it can't be this game or any other. Turn off your computer, go tell your wife that you love her and try to show it. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help either. You can live without this.

Good luck.

_____________________________

I am the Holy Roman Emperor and am above grammar.

Sigismund of Luxemburg

(in reply to bradfordkay)

Post #: 24

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 6:00:23 AM

RUDOLF

Posts: 261
Joined: 4/29/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gladiatt

Just to let you know i send back my turn to my opponant....but i am still not sure what to really do (end or not).

I really really must think of registering myself on the non-reliable player list

Your opponent has spent a lot of time with the game (I assume) so In my opinion you own him the respect and decency to play the game to the end!

He should not suffer in any way due to your personal problems, so bite the bullet and take controll over yourself, play the game to the end and do your best effort.

Just thinking about quitting makes you a disgrace to this community!

(in reply to gladiatt)

Post #: 25

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 6:54:15 AM

bradfordkay

Posts: 8683
Joined: 3/24/2002
From: Olympia, WA
Status: offline

Rudolf... Eric does not need to torture himself in order to prove his worth to this community. He has been with us for some time now and many of us (mostly those Threadsters) have come to know him fairly well. We've lost some valuable members of our community due to personal problems - it comes with the territory when you play a PBEM that can last for years. I'd hate to see Eric give up something he so obviously loves, but if that is what it takes in order to regain his sanity I'm all for it.

Eric, mon ami, please disregard Rudolf's post (unless he is your opponent!). There are many better reasons to stick with the game, but in the end the choice has to be yours - and for reasons that you can live with.

_____________________________

fair winds,
Brad

(in reply to RUDOLF)

Post #: 26

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 6:59:08 AM

LoBaron

Posts: 4776
Joined: 1/26/2003
From: Vienna, Austria
Status: offline

bradfordkay I think it was a strange attempt at being funny...

_____________________________

(in reply to bradfordkay)

Post #: 27

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 7:09:22 AM

bradfordkay

Posts: 8683
Joined: 3/24/2002
From: Olympia, WA
Status: offline

Sorry, I took it literally.

_____________________________

fair winds,
Brad

(in reply to LoBaron)

Post #: 28

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 11:51:18 AM

gladiatt

Posts: 2576
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

Crsutton thanks for advice and support.

Brad that's kind of you to take my defence. I am in fact not a very important member of this community. A few meaningless post on the Thread, one or two jokes on somebody AAR and that's all. My own AAR is on the old forum that get interest for only a small bunch of people. Many more Threadster would owe the title of member of the community, and i won't like to "rob" this title.

Anyway, and now i am talking to RUDOLF even if i am not an important member of the community i have the right of feeling free and to look for my best way. Do you think you can judge everyone ?

You ( RUDOLF) are right about one thing: i should make my best to play in order to respect the involvement of my opponant.
But i think i should put myself in priority of him. If at one point playing is unsane for my spirit, i won't get crazy just for anyone (except maybe my wife, but she is not my PBEM opponant ).
I don't know if i really am a disgrace to this community. I won't make a vote of each forumite here to vote for or against me (it would be too much proud of myself). But of what i had read, i am not the only one to quit a game only because of game result (and i don't have still give up);

This is not to prove me unguilty. Yes i am. But i try to be honest: you are warned. That mean that in an hypothetic future you know that you should not play against me because of this fault of me. If you don't stand my existance, you can even green button me.
But don't come and pee on my shoes.
If this was a joke (as LoBaron suggest) than i deeply apologize, bending to the ground (don't know why, but i am making more and more "direct" translation from my own language). As long as there are no smiley like this (

) on your post, i think it was not a joke. But nevermind.

< Message edited by gladiatt -- 7/15/2010 11:52:44 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to bradfordkay)

Post #: 29

RE: i really got a psychological problem - 7/15/2010 2:00:34 PM

morganbj