stuman
Posts: 3907
Joined: 9/14/2008
From: Elvis' Hometown
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bullwinkle58
quote:
ORIGINAL: Nikademus
She told me last week that she "was not throwing me out" but she never followed up with her ideas for "seperation"
Instead, she just started getting more and more distant and cold, till by last weekend she was not even acknowledging my presence. The tension was so thick you could punch thru it with a 16in shell. Her body language just screamed "GET OUT!!!!"
having gone thru a messy divorce in the past, i knew what was coming next....bringing the upgrade home for quality time and to hell with the ex still living there. The cold text i got in response to my letter at least confirmed what others had been telling me.....she did indeed want me out, and she has moved on.
I don't understand the female mind......i really don't.
Nik:
This is my first post in The Thread, but your situation speaks to me (and apparently others), so let me offer a few thoughts. I won't go to the emotional side as others are better at that and are giving you excellent advice in that area already.
The best I can offer is some "mechanical" things you should do right away. They won't fix your situation, but they'll help you feel more in control. In AE terms, you have major float damage; you need some DC. The system damage can wait.
1. Address your living situaiton. Put all options on the table. Living in a break room at work isn't one. Besides the essential pitifulness of that, you'll eat up any savings you think you're getting on fast-food, laundromats, showers, and vending machines. You need a hole that's yours where you can cook economically, get a good night's sleep, and cry if you need to unseen by the janitor.
Hostels have been suggested. There's also craigslist. Look for someone with a room to rent in a townhouse or single-family home. I wouldn't look for an environment with kids. Just another single person who is in financial stress too. Do a month-to-month lease, or, if you think it's wise, a 6-month lease. A lease is important to your self-esteem. This is a business deal, not charity. Make that space yours in whatever way brings you calm. For the first time in eight years you don't need to ask permission to hang that poster.
2. If you can, seek to renegotiate the terms of your debts. Many lenders will listen to a win-win proposal. Right now you need to think of cashflow. Pay a higher rate for a time to get some room. If you move you're going to need a nest egg for gas, truck, hotels, whatever.
3. Exercise every day. It's nature's magic. Not only the endorphin hit, but also the time to yourself to work on yourself. Listen to good music or read a good magazine while you do it. Even a walk. Make it a daily priority.
4. Get at least seven hours of sleep every night. Not negotiable. See #3. And don't go to bed after drinking. In fact, stop drinking. It's expensive and it doesn't help. It'll be there when you're healthy again.
5. Do something nice for yourself to make you notice you're still alive. Get a different haircut. Buy some cheap sunglasses. Buy a $10 DVD that YOU want to watch. One of the first things I did when I got divorced was buy WITP with "my own money." She had said it was stupid for years, a waste of money when I had other games. When I booted it up the first time I felt like a king.
6. If you need to talk to a professional counselor, and you can't afford one or don't have insurance, see if there are county-level services on a sliding fee. A pro can do wonders. They won't make it not hurt, but they can help you see that you have a lot going right and life is long. I had an excellent one when I needed it, and it was very helpful for a non-emotional 3rd party to praise me AND slap me around a little. They can also help determine if you might need a pharma boost for a few months to get you over the worst. Don't be too proud to ask for help.
7. Don't look for a rebound woman. It's not fair to her and it can be hurtful to you. There are about 3 billion women in the world, and I'd guess you've only run into a million or two so far. There's time for that. Set yourself some goals and deadlines on #1-6, and let romance wait.
Goal #1--get out of the break room. This week, if not tomorrow.
Welcome Mr Moose.
And damn good post.
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RE: THE THREAD!!! - 
I'll have to store it for the next time....if there ever is a next time.
Oh, the humanity!!! 
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