Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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************M&M Enterprises South Pacific HQ, Suva, Fiji, August 17, 1942********* Man in fine linen slacks: <on telephone with imported Italian loafers* up on desk> ...look, that is what I am paying you for Richter. I don't care if he says he graduated first in his class at Westpoint. I am here to tell you it was either a weak year or he knew somebody. I have a copy of his senior thesis. Let me just say the man is no genius. ..... Negative! DO NOT say anything about Corregidor. You are trying to align his incentives with yours not make an enemy of him. I thought you told me you had sales experience? ..... Floor wax? Are you kidding me? My chief geologist is a floor wax salesman? <cups phone with hand and calls to other side of the room> Yossarian, you ethnic SOB, what is that expression you use? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Santa Maria! Man in fine linen slacks: Yeah that's it! <uncovers phone> Santa Maria, Richter! Santa Maria! <he pronounces "Santa" like the guy in the red suit> Do you know what that means, Richter? ...... Yeah, well, in my book it means why did I hire you if you can't close the deal on a guy with an ego the size of New Guinea. Butter him up. ..... No, not his wife, you moron, his military genius <makes air quotes> That's what he wants to hear. Tell him if Papua breaks off it could ruin his career. ..... Hell, I don't know. Use geology terms. Bluff. Tell him Papua New Guinea is sitting on big deposit of schist. ..... No SCHIST! Where the Hell did you go to geology school, Richter? Tell him Papua sits on schist and Western New Guinea sits on granite. Believe me, with his ego, he won't ask any more questions. ..... OK. Get it done. I am already in big for the cement ordnance. We need to move this stuff. OK, you can do it son. I have confidence in you. Talk to you Tuesday. <hangs up phone> I don't trust that kid to tie his own shoes. Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: But you just said you had confidence in him. Man in fine linen slacks: Yossarian, you naive SOB, I was trying to motivate him. Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: But you don't really believe what you told him? Man in fine linen slacks: Santa Maria, man! What good would it do to tell him I think he is an idiot? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Do you do that to me? Man in fine linen slacks: Do what? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Butter me up like that? Man in fine linen slacks: Yossarian, you crazy, insecure SOB, when is the last time I had something good to say about you? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Hmmmmm...<looks up at the ceiling>...I can't say I remember any. Man in fine linen slacks: See, there you have it. You sound like a woman. Grow a pair, would you. <throws a folder across the desk> Here, look at this. Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: <picks it up> "How I Would Save the Philippines by Douglas A. MacArthur". It is all about him even then. Man in fine linen slacks: Get this. His plan involved 400 B-10B and 300 P-26. I could have made a fortune if the Army adopted his plan. What an idiot. Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Everyone thought his clone was a dim bulb but I liked the guy. Man in fine linen slacks: What was that, Yossarian? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Oh, never mind. Man in fine linen slacks: What I don't get is how somebody like that rises to that level of command. Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: Chutzpah Man in fine linen slacks: Chutzpah? Yossarian, you crazy, secretive SOB, I didn't know you spoke Yiddish? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: I worked in the Catskills one summer in college. Man in fine linen slacks: No kidding? Stand up? Hiruste man drinking a frozen libation: No, bussing tables....... * 99% of authentic Italian loafers in Fiji in 1942 were imported so this is largely redundant.
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 4/30/2011 3:04:06 PM >
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