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Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 6:06:26 AM

Raverdave

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Says it all:-

http://www.theonion.com/articles/josh-hartnett-returns-to-pearl-harbor-for-first-ti,18764/

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 6:35:40 AM

ilovestrategy

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That was hilarious!!!!!! My wife thinks I'm nuts for laughing!

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 6:36:25 AM

CaptBeefheart

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Hayzoos Cristo that is finny. Thanks for the hearty chuckles.

Cheers,
CC

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 7:21:12 AM

castor troy

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Oh what a terrible experience it must be to be an actor.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 9:06:54 AM

LoBaron

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"...described the experience as a never-ending stretch of misery that seemed like something from a bad movie."

Ok I am really thankfull I did not drink anything while reading that.
Accurately describes my personal experience watching this motion picture from hell.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 11:05:28 AM

warspite1

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that made me chuckle - as opposed to the film that shall not be named, which made me simply want to chuck.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 11:20:07 AM

Smeulders

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The Onion is too modest, they are the World's finest new source.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 2:18:48 PM

jeffs

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Well...If you cut out all the romance scenes it was acceptable.....My thumb was rather heavy on the fast forward button

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 2:35:48 PM

LoBaron

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Huh? Acceptable in terms of what?
Are you referring to the P40 dogfighting Zeroes part or their funny understanding
of pilot transfer policy (US -> GB, shotdown, Hawaii)?

The cook going rambo on the AAA was truly funny though.

Damn I have to get those pictures out of my head again. Make me unsee it. Please.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 2:43:35 PM

Grollub

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I know the feeling.

Attachment (1)

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 5:11:45 PM

Nikademus

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Priceless.............

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 5:38:52 PM

John 3rd

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Made me laugh bunches!

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 5:42:45 PM

HexHead

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Scene 5

"I'm ordering you to join the famed Eagle Squadron in the RAF."

"Uuh,...aren't we at peace, sir? Plus, I don't think you can order me to volunteer to join the armed forces of a foreign power."

"Now, dammit!"

Scene 14

"Woo hoo! Something came up! I'm going back to the States!"

"Not bloody likely, Yank. You have an obligation to H. M. the King."

"Screw that. I'm in Actor's Equity."

Scene 77

"Hey, thanks for the marvelous derring-do and showing those squinty eyed Jap wannabes what the P-40 is all about! Now, I'm gonna take highly trained fighter pilots with the reflexes of a cat and the aggressiveness of a panther and make them drive B-25 bombers so that they can bail out over China and waste 15,000 man hours of honing razor sharp killing machines just as we need front line pilots in the worst way."

"Hey, Jimmy, no wonder you're a household word!"

< Message edited by HexHead -- 5/13/2011 5:43:15 PM >

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 7:13:35 PM

Kwik E Mart

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"Hartnett then fell to his knees, started sobbing, and screamed "Why?" after the sight of a hangar reminded him of the calculated and brutal inhumanity of Pearl Harbor's insipid love triangle."

are these the same writers as the Colbert Report?

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 7:42:54 PM

tocaff

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That's what I want to know, why? Why and how could they ever make such a horrible movie like that?

I'll bet he cried all the way to the bank.

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I never thought that doing an AAR would be so time consuming and difficult.
www.matrixgames.com/forums/tm.asp?m=2080768

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 7:59:59 PM

HexHead

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PH2: The Sequel - Beatdown at Midway

As the film opens, we see Ben Allaffect continuing his wartime love affair with a smokin' hot Kate Gotitall, while desperately trying to figure out how to smite the Kido Butai, which is steaming to sucker punch the US Navy's few carriers in a perfidious ambush that could only be dreamt up by that wily Yamamoto (played by Toshiro Mifune, who may or may not still be with us, but who, nonetheless, in any condition, is a better actor than anyone else cast).

Directed by Kurosawa, who, even in the next world, is a better director than, well, practically anyone.

In the climactic scene, Ben drops fifteen torpedoes againt the IJN's carrier force, while jinking his B-29 at wavetop level. His new sidekick, Keeno Sleeves, covers him with an F-86 Sabrejet, but, alas, is splashed by an FW-190 piloted by Curt Jurgens.

< Message edited by HexHead -- 5/14/2011 3:06:29 AM >

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"Goddamn it, they're gittin' away!!"
- unknown tincan sailor near the end of Leyte Gulf, when Kurita retired

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 11:08:31 PM

jcjordan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LoBaron

Huh? Acceptable in terms of what?
Are you referring to the P40 dogfighting Zeroes part or their funny understanding
of pilot transfer policy (US -> GB, shotdown, Hawaii)?

The cook going rambo on the AAA was truly funny though.

Damn I have to get those pictures out of my head again. Make me unsee it. Please.

Actually there was a ships cook who did do this just like the scene in Tora Tora Tora & IIRC he did get a medal for it.

Hex - there's actual history to that - there were a few B-26's that did torpedo runs on the carriers, there was a naval version of the F86 called the FJ Fury & I think the FW190 was actually a ME109 or the Jap equivalent of it Tony.

Sorry I just couldn't resist the urge to refute ya'lls complaints about the film that actually is based on a true story

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/13/2011 11:32:16 PM

Braedonnal

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Doris 'Dorie' Miller, received the Navy Cross for his actions aboard USS West Virginia.

http://www.americainwwii.com/stories/cookwhofought.html

Goes to prove that even a steaming pile of crap movie sometimes gets something mostly right.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 12:16:36 AM

The Gnome

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Only Kitler would find anything redeeming in That Which Shall Not Be Named

The Onion is generally worth at least 1 side splitting laugh a week.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 3:04:05 AM

HexHead

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I think the FW190 was actually a ME109

What?

Uuuhh...no. No. A different design.

And, uh, it's just a parody. If I say so myself, not bad for spur of the moment.

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"Goddamn it, they're gittin' away!!"
- unknown tincan sailor near the end of Leyte Gulf, when Kurita retired

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 3:35:02 AM

jcjordan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HexHead

I think the FW190 was actually a ME109

What?

Uuuhh...no. No. A different design.

And, uh, it's just a parody. If I say so myself, not bad for spur of the moment.

I was parodying your parody (I knew the jet didn't exist till well after the war except in the case of Nimitz class & F-14s at PH). My ME109 was in reference to a/c id was quite often bad during that time & the fact that some german designs were incorporated into japanese (ie ME109/Tony). The only true part to my reply was the B26 torpedo runs

< Message edited by jcjordan -- 5/14/2011 3:36:12 AM >

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 7:17:40 AM

LoBaron

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jcjordan
Actually there was a ships cook who did do this just like the scene in Tora Tora Tora & IIRC he did get a medal for it.

Actually they did attack Pearl, so the movie which shall not be named cannot get it all wrong per default.

Based on a true story or not, the scene is hilarious. Somehow I could not get the picture of Charlie Sheen in Hotshots2
out of my head where he hoists a weeks load of ammo against that PT...

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 7:53:10 AM

Cyber Me

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I am pretty sure that in the new Midway movie Yamamoto is going to be played by Tom Cruise- and Cruise agreed to play the part with a saved head to maintain historical accuracy.

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RE: Return to the film that shall not be named. - 5/14/2011 8:01:36 AM

Reg

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyber Me

I am pretty sure that in the new Midway movie Yamamoto is going to be played by Tom Cruise- and Cruise agreed to play the part with a saved head to maintain historical accuracy.

You read that on The Onion as well (I hope...)