Posts: 2252
Joined: 10/27/2003 From: Sydney, Australia Status: offline
Please add your own three Politically Incorrect jokes to the end of this thread. Can we try to keep it only mildly Politically Incorrect and have the emphasis on humor at Der Fuhrer's expense rather than abuse of any gender, ethnicity, age group etc? Please also abide by the Matrix codes of conduct pertaining to this Forum.
************************** Benito walks into Adolf's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Benito says, "Mamma mia Adolf, whatta heavens you doing?" Adolf says, "Ach... Eva und I have no fun in ze bedroom lately und ze therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor." ************************** Benito is admiring Blondie and says "Adolf, maybe I get a dog like Blondie, but maybe a smaller one, like a Labrador." "Nein! Nein!" shrieks Adolf. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" ************************** Adolf's favorite racing snail is not winning races anymore. So Adolf decided to take the snail's shell off to reduce its weight and make it more aerodynamic. It didn't work. If anything it made it more sluggish. **************************
Posts: 2004
Joined: 2/3/2003 From: brisbane oz Status: offline
Hitler was infuriated by the anti-Nazi jokes that were popular in Germany as soon as he came to power. He issued an order to the Gestapo: "Find out who's responsible and bring him to me!" So a Jewish comedian, Y ossel von Goldbloom, was dragged into the Fuhrer's presence. Hitler roared: "Did you invent the one about me and the ***?" "Yes," admitted Goldbloom. "What about the one about me and the swine?" "Yes, me too," nodded Goldbloom. "And the one that says the day I die will be a Jewish holiday?" "That too, I'm afraid," confessed Goldbloom.
"You pig of a Jew!" screamed Hitler.
"Don't you realise I'm the Fuhrer of the Third Reich - a great empire that will last a thousand years?" "Ha! Ha!" shrieked Goldbloom, falling all over the place, "that's wonderful! But you can't blame me for that one - I never heard it before.
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You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life
Saw this on another site and thought it was pretty good, especially if you get some of the historical tongue in cheek references:
If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.
*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.* *Eisenhower has joined the game.* *paTTon has joined the game.* *Churchill has joined the game.* *benny-tow has joined the game.* *T0J0 has joined the game.* *Roosevelt has joined the game.* *Stalin has joined the game.* *deGaulle has joined the game.* Roosevelt: hey sup T0J0: y0 Stalin: hi Churchill: hi Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks T0JO: lol Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression! benny-tow: haha america sux Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool? Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever Stalin: cool deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me Roosevelt: get antiair guns Churchill: i cant afford them benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is? paTTon: stfu Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army paTTon: yah hurry the fock up Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.* Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k? benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair? benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head? Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u Hitler[AoE]: wtf Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me! T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol benny-tow: haha benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1 T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya Stalin: church help me Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here Stalin: dont be an arss Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late Eisenhower: LOL benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help Hitler: o man ur focked paTTon: oh what now biotch Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol *benny-tow has been eliminated.* benny-tow: lame Roosevelt: gj patton paTTon: thnx Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record Eisenhower: Nuts! benny~tow: wtf that mean? Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker Stalin: rofl T0J0: HAHAHHAA Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.* benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL Stalin: OMG LMAO! Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows *Hitler[AoE] has left the game* paTTon: hahahhah T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs benny~tow: shut up noob Roosevelt: haha wut a moron paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now? Eisenhower: yah me too T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol Eisenhower: fock u paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie Stalin: go to hell lol paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk Eisenhower: yah this is gay *Roosevelt has left the game.* Hitler[AoE]: wtf? Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.* tru_m4n: hi all T0J0: hey Stalin: sup Churchill: hi tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff! tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets T0J0: wtf is nukes? T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****! *T0J0 has been eliminated.* *The Allied team has won the game!* Eisenhower: awesome! Churchill: gg noobs no re T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck *T0J0 has left the game.* *Eisenhower has left the game.* Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for **** Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss tru_m4n: l8r all benny~tow: bye Churchill: l8r Stalin: fock u all tru_m4n: shut up commie lol *tru_m4n has left the game.* benny~tow: lololol u commie Churchill: ROFL Churchill: bye commie *Churchill has left the game.* *benny~tow has left the game.* Stalin: i hate u all fags *Stalin has left the game.* paTTon: lol no1 is left paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep *paTTon has been eliminated.* paTTon: o sh1t! *paTTon has left the game.*
Ouch, and I thought I was the only one around here getting frustrated waiting for MWIF, even Crussdaddy has mellowed with time Are we this desperate to post anything
Adolf Hitler, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and MWiF walk into a bar... oh wait MWiF doesn't exist, this joke isn't going to work
*Edited to add emoticons
First time you have made sense this week you must notice one less emoticon than you have as I am not in your league I could not even carry your emoticons into battle
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol benny-tow: haha
Class!! Made me burst out laughing.
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Our lives may be more boring than those who lived in apocalyptic times, but being bored is greatly preferable to being prematurely dead because of some ideological fantasy.- Michael Burleigh