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srndac -> RE: Oh come on!?!?!? (8/6/2009 6:39:59 PM)
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Syria 1102:
A Crusader column, full of loot from a just-conquered-and-looted-ex-Turkish-province, marches on it's way home when my Turkish army appeared behind it, burning for some vengeance. A unit of Crusader Crossbowmen (think Artillery here) turns to face it and opens fire on a Turcoman unit (think Light Tanks). There aren't any casualties, but a morale check is called for - and Turcomans need anything but 2 or 3 to pass it - and they roll a 3 and flee like dogs. This unit contained the commander of another Turcoman unit - which now has to check, too - and it also runs away. Both of these units flee straight through a Ghulam unit (think Heavy Tanks) which now also has to check morale - and fails. With half of my army now fleeing from a single attack, everyone around the table is ROFLMAO-ing. Well, all except me, naturally.
France 1568:
After being mauled for several turns by the fire of my Artillery, a Catholic French Gensdarmes regiment (think 2 Medium Tanks) has had enough and charges the guns. But there is a Landsknecht mercenary regiment (think 40 rifles and 2 AT-guns) protecting my guns, and they are the best of the best. As the Gensdarmes charge them, however, the Landsknechte decide that they aren't being paid enough for this s**t - and head home. As soon as the howls of laughter around the room die down, my flank gets turned, and my line gets rolled up like a wet blanket.
Arlington, Louisiana, 1864:
During this great battle, my Kentucky Brigade of 2500, well entrenched Confederate veterans held a hill on the right flank. A Union Division of 5000 men was sent to take it. The Union commander sent 2000 greenhorn recruits (fresh out of boot camp) to keep the Rebels occupied at the front, while he led the 3000 veterans on a march to hit the Rebs in the flank. As the greenhorns skirmished with the Rebels, their poodle 'Pipi' (a mascot of the Brigade) accidentally stepped on a thorn while dodging the whizzing bullets. Enraged by the injury of their mascot, the greenhorns went berserk, stormed and took the hill - with a major help from my dice that managed to roll a '1' (the only number it shouldn't have rolled) on a 10-sided dice when taking a 'stand to receive the charge' morale test. The dice naturally ended up in the trash-can immediatelly after the battle.
A long, long time ago, in a cave far away ...
Gurd, the famous hero of many Norse Sagas, sneaked into a cave to find, and take, the fabled treasure of Ulric the Ogre. Sneaking through the cave, he found a 'room' with a prisoner that told him a way to the Ulric's treasure. Not having to search for it anymore, Gurd went directly to the Ulric's chambers (where the treasure was), making mountains of corpses as he was killing his way through the Ulric's Goblin hordes that tried to stop him. Finally, he reached the Ulric's chambers where he found the 8-foot tall monster which ate oxen for breakfast (Ulric) and killed him in a (by now legendary) 3-hour-long duel.
Victorious Gurd walked over to the treasure, when he heard a sound behind him. He turned and saw a lone Goblin, standing at the door with a rock in his hand. Fully confident in his armour (that needed any result other than a double 6 to save him) he smiled, and advanced towards the Goblin. The Goblin threw the rock, that hit Gurd, who then made a save-roll, which came up a double 6 ... and the Gurd was dead. The lucky Goblin figurine was placed on a special pedestal, and it's story was told at any possible opportunirty. My Gurd figure, was, naturally, demoted into a simple soldier.
Please note that these were just a few (of many) examples ... actually the worst ones ... worst for me, that is ... And the moral of this novel is ... um ... I forgot. But you'll probably think of something ... [;)]
cheers!
srndac
P.S. Oh, yeah - I remembered the moral of the novel: 'War is hell - if it's done right' [:D]
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