Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (Full Version)

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twopolar -> Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (1/24/2017 5:32:56 AM)

A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."



matttanner -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 11:41:33 AM)

A Buddhist monk ordering a shawarma: "Make me one with everything".



MrsWargamer -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 3:30:49 PM)

Expert housewife available for marriage. Slightly used. Old fashioned views.

Knows what the letters ASL means. Wishes they would hurry up with Steel Panthers successor.

Hmm actually I'm not joking :)



JReb -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 3:44:22 PM)

"What time is your dental appointment?"

"Tooth Hurty"



LarryP -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 9:10:18 PM)

What gets wetter the more it dries?













A towel.



Aurelian -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 9:45:04 PM)

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"



LarryP -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 9:57:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aurelian

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"


Good one. [;)]



Yogi the Great -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 10:14:49 PM)

In honor of our older Grognard generation:

What did one sagging Boob say to the other sagging Boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!




Lobster -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/20/2017 11:04:59 PM)

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."



Orm -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 11:41:39 AM)

[:D]

Thank you, all, for sharing. [:)]



Aurelian -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 12:35:51 PM)

In a bar, a woman is having a drink.
A man comes up to her, and says "Let me buy you a drink."
She said "I already have an asshole in my pants, I don't want another."
I never laughed so hard. (Yes, it's a true story.)



jack54 -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 1:00:32 PM)

Are puns allowed? [:D]


I tried to catch some fog in a bucket, but I mist.


Broken pencils are pointless



LarryP -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 1:27:06 PM)

I prefer puns. Good ones!



Curtis Lemay -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 3:18:40 PM)

A young lady decides she would like a new pair of shoes. So she goes to the shoe store. But, in her haste and thoughtlessness, she wears a very short dress and forgets to wear any underpants.

Well, the shoe salesman is showing her pair of shoes after pair of shoes, and, as he does so, he is getting more and more bothered by what he is seeing. Finally, he can stand it no longer and he stands up and says "Lady, if you'll fill that thing full of ice cream, I'll eat it!"

The young lady is so incensed by this that she gets up and leaves in a huff. She runs home and tells her husband about it. When she does, he falls on the floor, laughing hysterically. As he does so, she is getting madder and madder. She says "Well, why don't you go back there and get that guy fired or arrested?"

Her husband finally gets control of himself and says, "I'm not going to do that, for three reasons."

"First, you didn't need a new pair of shoes."

"Second, you shouldn't have gone to shop for shoes in such a short dress and without underpants."

"And third, NOBODY CAN EAT THAT MUCH ICE CREAM!"



Aurelian -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 4:41:38 PM)

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? She threw out all the ones marked 3,E,and W.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.



durangokid -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 7:15:22 PM)

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humourous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still
on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act
in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is
not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal
from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify... " I answered " a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You are never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.



Zap -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/24/2017 8:06:34 PM)

Very good!
And thanks for the explanation of the terminology, that word had more letters then I'm in the habit of reading. Lol



british exil -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/25/2017 5:55:18 PM)

Durangokid nice paraprosdokians.

You got me smiling quite a bit.

Mat



Jafele -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/25/2017 6:59:15 PM)

Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?

A: A beginner.



elmo3 -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/25/2017 8:09:39 PM)

Why are women like dog turds?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up.



wings7 -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/25/2017 8:28:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: elmo3

Why are women like dog turds?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Is there any wonder why we don't have many women gamers here...[8|]



RFalvo69 -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/25/2017 11:25:52 PM)

When you need to be admitted to the hospital, don't worry... until you discover that the doctors are giving your name to your aliment.



CaptBeefheart -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/26/2017 5:00:14 AM)

As a business traveler is checking in at a five-star hotel he tells the gal at the counter: "I'd like the porn in my room disabled."

She responds: "We only have normal porn, you sick bastard."

Cheers,
CC



MrsWargamer -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/27/2017 5:14:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wings7


quote:

ORIGINAL: elmo3

Why are women like dog turds?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Is there any wonder why we don't have many women gamers here...[8|]


Well I'm here :) but you have a good point :)



Curtis Lemay -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/27/2017 6:34:32 PM)

There was this sensational blonde who had just gotten into the shower and was all wet and soapy, when the doorbell rings. (Isn't that typical). So she gets out of the shower and is toweling herself off and yells out at the door "Who is it?"

The voice on the other side says "It's the Blind Man."

She thinks to herself "Why, if he's blind, I don't need to get dressed. I can go just the way I am." So she swings the door open in her birthday suit. There, in the doorway, is a man - with his eyes WIDE open - and holding an oblong box.

She says "YOU CAN SEE!"

"Yes I can." he replies. "Now where do you want me to put these BLINDS?"



Chickenboy -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/28/2017 3:47:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LarryP

I prefer puns. Good ones!


Guy goes to see his dentist. He complains about his false teeth ("plate") hurting him lately. So the dentist has him lay back while he takes a look. After a quick examination, the Dentist pulls away and offers his findings.

"Yes. I can see why this is bothering you. The plate is badly pitted and etched."

"Why?", asks the man.

"Well, what are you eating? What in your diet may be causing such damage to your false plate?", replies the dentist.

The man thinks for a second. "I suppose that it may be the eggs benedict. I have them every morning. I love them. Hey doc-do you think that the lemon juice in the hollandaise may have something to do with it?"

The dentist nods sagely. "We'll have to replace your plate with one made of chrome."

"Chrome? Why chrome?"

"Well", finishes the dentist, "Everybody knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."



bobarossa -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/28/2017 6:59:53 PM)

And with that ^ the thread ended.

Do you know where a dog goes when it loses its tail?

A retail store.



Zorch -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/28/2017 8:50:52 PM)

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?



Yogi the Great -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/28/2017 9:47:55 PM)

Head for the roundhouse, they can't corner you there.



LarryP -> RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around (6/28/2017 9:51:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Zorch

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?


I like that, simple and funny. [;)]



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