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warspite1 -> RE: Hello (8/22/2019 5:14:48 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zovs
On further investigations of the Tundra I have sent the following report to STAVKA.
Dreamed I was an eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
The frost that bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero...
And my mama cried
And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Don't be a naughty eskimo
Save your money, don't go to the show
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow
Well, right about that time, people
A fur-trapper, who was strictly from commercial (strictly commercial)
Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peek-a-boo)
And he started into whipping on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe
I said
With a lead
Filled
With a lead-filled snowshoe
He said, "Peekaboo"
With a lead
Filled
With a lead-filled snowshoe
He said, "Peekaboo"
He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
He went "whap" with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
He hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
That got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be
So I bent down, and I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous mitten-full of the deadly (yellow snow)
The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!
Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology, here it goes now, the circular motion: rub It!
(Here Fido)
(Here Fido)
And then
In a fit of anger I pounced
And I pounced again
Great Googly Moogly!
I jumped up and down on the chest of a
I injured the fur trapper
Well he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so, because
The deadly yellow snow crystals had
Deprived him of his sight
And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said
"I can't see"
"I can't see"
"Oh, woe is me"
"I can't see"
"Well… no no
I can't see
Nothin'"
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
And the husky wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee, has blinded me
And I can't see
Temporarily
Well, the fur-trapper stood there
With his arms outstretched across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's going to do about his deflected eyes
And it was at that precise moment that he remembered an ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudging across the tundra mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra right down to the parish of St. Alfonzo
Yes indeed, here we are
At St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
And wheedled on the Bingo cards
In lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
While she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused the sausage pattie
And said, "Why don't you treat me mean?"
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
At St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Wow! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo
warspite1
My goodness - the Gulag Archipelago is more barbaric than I thought. Release Zovs, he's clearly suffered enough.....
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