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marky -> need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:02:26 AM)

my past has cum bak to bite me in the @$$

if u go bak a few weeks ull see a post called Episode 7 return of the marky

in that post i explain why i left gaming back in february

long story short the ex of my ex came online and told me that she is pregnant with a guy shes known 5 MONTHS, no that is NOT a typo

she left me for him after 2 and a half years and then a week later jumped into bed with him

i have saved the conversations, including the 1s that she admitted she was a druggie a smoker and a drinker

i have proof shes an unfit and immature parent and i think i should tell social services and stop her from having that child herself

if i dont at least try i honestly dont know if i can live with myself, as i feel responsible for this whole situation

RevRick if ur out ther i need to talk to u, PLEASE



Gem35 -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:07:37 AM)

who what where?? [&:]



marky -> RE: need advice BAD HERES SUM BACKROUND (7/29/2005 6:14:59 AM)

a long time ago in a thread far far away......


due to a series of events in my life, i retired from gaming a while ago

im sure youre all still dying to know what the explanation is.... maybe... i dunno...



anyway....

a short time before i left, i was having problems in my relationship...
long story short, my gf of 2 years and 5 months left me on our anniversary for a guy she had known about 2 weeks. less than 2 weeks after that she jumped into bed with the guy and gave him her virginity after promising we would lose it to each other, because she was naive and stupid enuff to fall for everything he did.

yes u heard me right i m a virgin and i admit it, and im VERY glad i didnt lose it to her and you will see why...

obviously this screwed me up very badly, and for a while, i didnt care about anything, and i came closer to suicide than i ever have before.

i found out that she didnt give a frak about me and that she had been cheating over and over and in general "spreading" for random guys and getting drunk and in general being a slu*

this of course shocked and changed me, and alot of things have happened over the last 3 months

needless to say the last 3 months have been the longest, hardest and most painful in my life, and as i said i came damn close to ending my life.

somehow i muddled through with the help of some friends, and family

and knowing wat she had been up to behind my back helped in a strange way.

and theres alot more to say to try and explain it but its not really possible without a very long post here, and its not really explainable unless uve been spending time with me over the last few months, but suffice it to say she betrayed me in the worst possible way, broke my heart and screwed me up bad, which i still am.

i m alot better than i was before, but of course i will never be the same man i was.

so, now im a bit better, and ready to cum back to gaming

i originally thot that the gaming, and a cpl other things had driven her to make the choices she made, but i realized that it wasnt my fault, it was hers, she made the choices and she has to live with the consequences... i do not...

plus ive met up with an old female friend, which in the future may turn into sumthing , but for now i m single, in order to do sum thinking, relaxing, vacationing, soul searching, and to do sum damage control before i m ready for another relationship, and of course, to try and mend wat if left of my broken heart

plus then on top of that i had a massive virus invasion, which forced me to wipe the hard drive, and start fresh, which is essentially copmplete...

long story short, the slu& can die a slow and painful death and burn in hell for all eternity

BTW, does any1 have a punching bag or sumthing that i can take sum rage out on?.......

so...


life goes on....



Tankerace -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:17:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

if i dont at least try i honestly dont know if i can live with myself, as i feel responsible for this whole situation


I think with you saying that, you know what you need to do. You aren't responsible, but should she have the child, and should something happen to said child, you will probably blame yourself. I would go to social services, and tell somebody. Granted, nothing may happen with it, but should (if, and I mean if) something happen to the child after its born, you can at least say you tried.

As Moliere once said, "It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable."



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:22:48 AM)

but i am responsible

i knew a lomng time ago she needed therapy for things

i didnt force her to get therapy

and it all led here

its my fault



Tankerace -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:24:58 AM)

I doubt that.

You can't make her take therapy, you can't make her change. Such is both the boon and the curse of humanity, free will. You can't do it for her, you can't make her do it. You can point her in the right direction, but that is about as much as you can do.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:29:17 AM)

and wat she did to me

thers just no word to describe it except EVIL

and i dont mean to b melodramatic but ive got 99 sys and 99 float damage and i dont know if thers a shipyard good enuff to fix me



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:36:19 AM)

Don't get social services involved just to get revenge on her. Are you doing it for the unborn child or just for revenge because of her cheating? If the motive is revenge don't do it.

If she truly is an unfit parent the kid will eventually be taken away once he/she goes to school. Trust me, the teachers will know if a 5 year old kid comes from a horrible home and they'll call social services. (if there aren't any clear signs, which there will be, the kid will overtalk anyways, you know how kids that age are).

But I really don't think you wanna get social services involved. They're a pain in the a$$ and you can even end up having to go to court and all that bullsh*t, it just isn't worth it if you only want revenge on some wh0re.

Don't worry, she'll get hers. Just wait it out she WILL get hers, you'll see. She's obviously a whore and a lying, cheating b*tch. Everyone she hooks up with will be throwing her out and even if some guy ends up deciding to keep her a$$ around he'll be some low life she'll always be fighting with.

As for this " if i dont at least try i honestly dont know if i can live with myself, as i feel responsible for this whole situation" you didn't do a damn thing wrong. This isn't your fault, it's obviously her fault. Look at how irresponsible and immature she is. But there's a good chance she'll clean up once that baby comes. I've known a few girls in high school just like the one you described who got knocked up like that because they were sleeping around, doing lots of drugs etc and they were in a constant downward spiral. But once the baby came they cleaned up their acts.

I've wrote my opnion based on at least 30 other similiar situations i've seen.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:40:20 AM)

its not just revenge

i admit it

revenge HAS a part in it

but its also right and wrong good and evil

wat shes doing is wrong, and she is evil

and evil must be opposed as we all know




riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:43:38 AM)

I'm just curious, how much is she taking substances and smoking? I'm just saying don't beat yourself up over this. It isn't your fault.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:46:09 AM)

alot

shes definitely an alcoholic

and shes a smoker, she also has asthma

and i know shes smoked weed



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:50:15 AM)

If you wanna do something good for the unborn child go all out. No one can stop you. Well since she's drinking alot, call social services immediatly. I'll be damned if you don't. It's utter bullsh*t the kid should have to pay because she's an irresponsible b*tch with emotional problems and a sick mind. The last thing we need in this world is another broken kid with mental disabilities and a poor mother. Like I said there's a good chance she'll clean up after the kid is born. But in the meantime you should save that kid from it's alcoholic mother.



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:52:43 AM)

Also. She'll most likely be able to get the kid back after it's born. She'll just have to go through alot of court and show she's cleaned up and ready to bear the responsibility.



jwilkerson -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:53:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

but i am responsible

i knew a lomng time ago she needed therapy for things

i didnt force her to get therapy

and it all led here

its my fault


My wife is a psychiatrist - if she was responding ( instead of myself ) she would encourage you to see a counselor ( a mental health professional ... aka get therapy ) not because there is anything wrong with you - but to help you cope. If you have a local RevRick they can help too - just another kind of counselling - but do for yourself what you didn't do for "her" ( really for you too ). You don't need therapy "for things" but just to help you cope and sort out what to do. The Mental Health Profession exists in part for this purpose and they would much prefer heading off a problem, than picking up the pieces. And BTW she is also to blame - you can't blame yourself solely for the actions of others, nope you can't do it.

Sorry, you're going through this - most of us who are older ( I hit the big 50 this year ) have been through at least something similar at some point - so we can empathise.

But go see someone please, ASAP ! And if you really don't know what to do - and are in emergency - call 911 that what it is for ( my wife the psychiatrist would tell you this ).








riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:57:38 AM)

I agree with jwilkerson. I think first you should help the kid. If you don't feel better after that just go to therapy. It doesn't label you as anything bad. You won't be forced to do anything. Even if you just wan't someone to talk to you can go there and it really helps.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 6:58:32 AM)

i will call social services

and her parents

but as for therapy, i think i may be beyond saving mate



jwilkerson -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:04:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

i will call social services

and her parents

but as for therapy, i think i may be beyond saving mate


You're reaching out => you're not beyond saving. If you're in crisis, call 911, please !





marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:07:06 AM)

ive been in crises for 5 months

how can 911 possibly help besides committing me to a mental hospital and desroying wats left of my life and my futre? and my career that hasnt even STARTED?



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:08:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

i will call social services

and her parents

but as for therapy, i think i may be beyond saving mate
No one is beyond saving. Trust me. I know what you're going through. I've had my share of extreme depression over such issues. When I was younger, about 15 my mother became an alcoholic for a year. She went out of her way to neglect her family and had a COMPLETE disregard for others. It got to the point where I hated her and I almost became suicidal because I thought it was my fault and I truly believed she hated me. I started doing alot of drugs and drinking. But we worked things out. I also had an issue with a girlfriend. We were in love, then one day the sh*t just hit the fan. She found out her dad was cheating on her mom and going to strip clubs and they divorced. A week later her grandma whom she was really close to and absolutely adored died. So she became an alcoholic and started doing hard drugs, she wasn't herself at all anymore after that. I can go on and on....

I've had my share of substance abuse with myself and the people around me. I know the extreme pain it can cause. You aren't alone dude. I went to therapy just for someone to talk to and vent with. Frankly, it probably saved my life. Yout gotta find the right therapist. Some of them aren't that good and seem to be only motivated by money. And some of them don't seem to really have personal care for their patients, all they do is follow protocal so they don't make you feel like special like they should IMO.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:11:22 AM)

i dont know wat to do

feels as though im cursed and sum1 or sumthing is piling more and more weight on my shoulders to see how much i can take and i cant take anymore




jwilkerson -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:12:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

ive been in crises for 5 months

how can 911 possibly help besides committing me to a mental hospital and desroying wats left of my life and my futre? and my career that hasnt even STARTED?


911 would probably in your case, tell you to go to emergency room they would evaluate whether you are suicidal. If not they'd send you home and tell you to hit that Joe guy on the head ! But if they determine you have some suicidal ideations or more - then they would probably either give you appropriate meds or refer you to psychiatrist ( my wife support ERs so they do this type of intervention all the time ). No one would commit you to a mental hospital ... you sound very sane and mature to me ... you just "may" need temporary helping coping with what happened in your life ... their goal would just be to help you cope with the crisis and remain productive in your life.




riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:14:02 AM)

Been there. Things will get better, they always do. But you have to release from any moping or self-pity. Or the cycle will go on forever. You have the power to break the cycle at anytime. Only you can change you. You have to make the decision right here and right now to stay muddled down or rise up. You seem like a completely capable and mature individual.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:29:04 AM)

ive tried, ive really tried, but it always cums bak stronger and hits me even harder

i jus dont know how to fight it anymore



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:36:08 AM)

I know. But you can still rise up out of it, it sounds to me you don't have a vent, which is why you should find a therapist to talk to. This is just life if you ask me. Alot of people get a storm of sh*t hit them hard here and there. It's hard, i'm still in that situation (I'm still affected by others who are substance abusers). But I still manage to enjoy life and make the most of it when it's good.

Do your best with the situation you're given and you'll be satisfied. Even if things don't get a whole lot better right away. It makes you a good man and you did your good. If people don't change after you've done your best to help, let it go, get out, meet people go have some fun. After doing that try and help again. But if you've truly done your best to help the person they will have changed and the situation would have gotten that much better.

Like I said, this isn't your fault. You're beating yourself up to much. Also fighting it isn't the point. Don't fight it, lend a helping hand and just do your best. For example, if someone says something bad don't fight it and follow it up with something hurtful. I know it's VERY VERY difficult not to do that sometimes. But just walk away or else you're just adding to the negative cycle. However if you have added to the negative cycle in the past, don't worry you were just defending yourself and hitting back, it's just your defense mechanism, it comes with being human.

Don't worry about being thrown into a mental hospital when you seek help. I was in just as bad shape as you or worse. I was a complete wreck, but they don't just throw you into a mental hospital. You don't have to call 9/11 you can just go into therapy if you feel more comfortable with that. But you have to want to change. This may all sound like bullsh*t or nonsense to you, it did for me when i was in a similiar situation, but it isn't.

Everything i've said on this matter is pretty much all I have to say. You have the power to improve the situation and yourself. It isn't the end of the world or your life. Take control. Nobody can force anything on you. Believe me, i've been there.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:47:41 AM)

idk

maybe i should try and get sum sleep and then think about wat to do



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:52:24 AM)

Alright, i'm done editing that lol. This is just my nature, whenever I see anyone in distress like this I just feel the need to do absolutely everything I can to help, no matter who they are. It's a little hard online though...



jwilkerson -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:54:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

ive tried, ive really tried, but it always cums bak stronger and hits me even harder

i jus dont know how to fight it anymore


I had a friend kill himself over distantly similar circumstances - but - he did what he did - within 2 weeks of the "crisis" starting. If you've gone 5 months - you may not need to go to the emergency room tonight. But, you still sound like you need temporary help coping with the situation. That is not at all unusual and Mental Health Professions exist to help with this type of circumstance. You sound very much aware of the situation and very willing to help others - but perhaps not so willing to help yourself - that also is not unusal - I'm definitely of that ilk myself ( better at helping others than at helping myself ) .. but I still think you should contact you local mental health clinic in the morning and ask them to evaluate you to see if you need assistance in coping or not. You only need 911 or emergency room if you are thinking about suicide now.




marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 7:58:54 AM)

okay

uve helped guys

all of u

thank u

i think im thru the minefield, at least for tonight

ill try and get sum rest soon

and maybe ill look around for psych help

but, [sm=00000945.gif]


thanx guys



riley555a -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 8:02:35 AM)

Yeah. Even if they did put you into a mental hospital. It won't be as bad as you think. It's not the horrible place you see in movies. It's just therapy really. If you do need to go to one I guarantee you, 1000% you'll come out feeling absolutely great and thinking "I'm glad I went there!". They're not gonna chain you to a bed and pump you full of drugs for months unend.

I knew a guy I went to school with who went insane and tried to kill himself. He ran around the neighbourhood screaming and cutting himself and then he ran out in front of the railroad tracks waiting for the train to hit him.

He got checked into a mental institution. They didn't tie him to a bed and pump him full of drugs 24/7. It didn't ruin his life or anything like that. He came out a stable and very happy man. Right now he's married to the woman he loves and runs a GM dealership. He's a good guy to, whenever you see him, no matter who you are he's full of the most sincere happiness and friendship.

Whether you go to one or just go to a therapist whenever. It feels soooooo good to let go of all that sh*t. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with "checking in" and it's totally confidential if you're insecure. It'll release the bad and bring out the happiness in you.

I didn't go for help for a really long time. It just kept building up and getting worse and worse. Until it started causing health problems. I was in the worst mental state. My brain wasn't working right at all. I can't possibly describe it, it's like trying to explain a bad acid trip. But i was basically in another dimension, my brain and the way it took in info was completely scrambled and backwards. I thought I had a brain tumor. It made me more and more depressed and manifested itself. Turns out it was just major stress and depression.



marky -> RE: need advice BAD (7/29/2005 8:17:24 AM)

maybe ill try sumthing like that

but i do have to call social services



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