Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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***********Mountain Village, 110 m NE of Rahaeng, Thailand, June 12, 1943******** The calm of the peaceful hamlet is overturned as a mud-encrusted Grant tank roars up a narrow path into the clearing. Chickens and children run for cover. The tank slews to stop and the engine is turned off. A British officer climbs out of the commander's cupola. A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb approaches excitedly. A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Colonel? Is that you sir? Oh thank God. We've come to relieve you? Colonel: Relieve us? Are you daft, man? <the older man notices a striking series of tatoos on the younger man's face> Uppington-Smythe? Is that you? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Yes SIR! No. 251 Company, Royal Engineers, reporting for duty! Colonel: Good God, man. Where are vehicles...and your uniforms? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Ah...yes...there is that, sir. You see, in our haste to break your encirclement, it seems we misjudged our petrol needs. Colonel: I should say. And your uniforms. A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Ah..yes..well sir. The men were a bit grimy, what with hacking our way through the jungle and all...and the biting insects..good Lord... Colonel: Holy Mary Mother of GOD. Lt.! Could you please get to the point? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Oh..yes..sorry sir...well it was like this...I contracted with a native woman to do our laundry...quite a good quote, if I might add...just pounding the the bloody things right on the rocks in the river..it was quite a quaint scene in a transcultural sort of way... Colonel: SWEET JESUS! A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Oh, yes sorry sir..well it seems she absconded with our uniforms. Colonel: Absconded? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Yes, sir, every one. Colonel: Son, didn't you tell me you attended Eton? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: Yes sir, Eaton with an "a". Colonel: I see. That explains things. Lt., if you are finished with your trans-cultural experiment what say you get your men together and come along with us to the Philippines? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: The Philippines, sir? Do you mean the island nation? Colonel: Do you know of another? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: No sir, can't say I do. Colonel: Splendid! See the quartermaster about new uniforms and let's win thsi war shall, we? A strikingly light-skinned man in native Hmong garb: YES SIR!...Oh sir, I wonder if you could spare any petrol....
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