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RE: Get talking. - 12/23/2013 6:32:33 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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Hmmmm? You don't suppose?




Attachment (1)

(in reply to Crackaces)
Post #: 14191
RE: Get talking. - 12/23/2013 6:57:47 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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From: Southern California
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***********June 17, 1943(c)*************

Palau: Carrier raid was a dud. I think Yorktown sailed into Typhoon Haiyan. Not even recon flight. Also, a raid from Sorong over Palau did not fly.


Okinawa: JJ sends 4 DD's to Naha during daylight hours, sinking a PT boat but we fool them, we no show up. The three DD's we had there last turn returned to Miyako.
Curiosuly, none of the SBD's or TBF's at Miyako can be bothered to attack. Raids over Nago are grounded by bad weather.

Some Anns from ? Amamai Oshima attack our retreating PT boats.

Daito Shoto gets absolutely pulverized for a second day.


Port Blair: Colonel Frost lives!

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/23/2013 7:58:16 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14192
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 11:35:18 AM   
sprior


Posts: 8596
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From: Portsmouth, UK
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Happy Christmas to all you poor sods who think this AAR is worth keeping up with.

For now I leave you with this:

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started…
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...…
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14193
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 1:52:08 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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From: Southern California
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quote:

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started.
Grumpy?

Happy Christmas to you and yourn(Sic), Lords and Ladies (or just crossdressers(Sic)),
Generals, Admirals, Gerneralissimos, major domos(Sic), entrepeneurs, HOA architectural compliance officers, breastaurant workers of the PTO and the entire staff at D,C & H.

A special shoutout(Sic) to our friends the Cargo Cultists, the Shinto Boys(Sic), the Mohammedans, the Global Cooling Believers, Father Emmanoulides (Greek Orthodox Christmas is in January..beats me), the You Know Whos(sic) and to Those Who Can't Decide.








*Editrix Note: I don't know where to start.



< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/24/2013 3:12:39 PM >

(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14194
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 2:07:24 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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So I am checking out at Pavillions yesterday with the obvious stuff for a Christmas dinner and the cashier asks rotely;

Forty something cashier girl: "Did you find everything you needed?"

FAM: "Well, I forgot to get the sardines for the Caesar dressing. Do you know what I need?"
<I have severely faulty empathy antennae but I could tell she was down in the dumps so I tried to get her involved instead
of just rubbing it in by saying "Merry Christmas">

Forty something cashier girl: "I don't know how to cook. I just work here all the time. That's why nobody wants to marry me." <no hint of mirth>

FAM: <I say to myself> "Hory crap! Nice going Mandrake! You should have just said "Merry Christmas" like every other schlub. Now what?"
<lamely, painfully so, I try to recover> "Well, you can get discounts on food, right?"



Here is the deal. If you are going to do something to comfort someone during the holidays you need a plan or at least some track record of success and a toolbox of proven things to sayotherwise you are just taking a Brewster up against a Zero while the Zero-bonus is still on. I thought about inviting her to dinner but I decided I had already done enough damage.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/24/2013 3:12:08 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14195
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 2:14:40 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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I find it hilarious that IE version 17-A/438i/22q corrects "major domos" but not "breastaurant"

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14196
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 2:56:14 PM   
sprior


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


Editrix




Is this the lady of the house?

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14197
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 3:22:39 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


Editrix




Is this the lady of the house?


If it were I would likely already by chopped up into little bits and cooling down in a meat freezer.

(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14198
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 3:57:59 PM   
Disco Duck


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

So I am checking out at Pavillions yesterday with the obvious stuff for a Christmas dinner and the cashier asks rotely;

Forty something cashier girl: "Did you find everything you needed?"

FAM: "Well, I forgot to get the sardines for the Caesar dressing. Do you know what I need?"
<I have severely faulty empathy antennae but I could tell she was down in the dumps so I tried to get her involved instead
of just rubbing it in by saying "Merry Christmas">

Forty something cashier girl: "I don't know how to cook. I just work here all the time. That's why nobody wants to marry me." <no hint of mirth>

FAM: <I say to myself> "Hory crap! Nice going Mandrake! You should have just said "Merry Christmas" like every other schlub. Now what?"
<lamely, painfully so, I try to recover> "Well, you can get discounts on food, right?"



Here is the deal. If you are going to do something to comfort someone during the holidays you need a plan or at least some track record of success and a toolbox of proven things to sayotherwise you are just taking a Brewster up against a Zero while the Zero-bonus is still on. I thought about inviting her to dinner but I decided I had already done enough damage.


It could have been worse. At one place I was shopping a female cashier had a Chemo therapy bald head and was talking to a customer. I am not sure what the rest of conversation was but the customer as she walked off said, " As long as you have your health".

Here's hoping something cheers up your Cashier.

Merry Christmas to all. I got my relatives tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra. http://www.trans-siberian.com

< Message edited by Disco Duck -- 12/24/2013 4:58:11 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14199
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 4:01:26 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Disco Duck

Merry Christmas to all. I got my relatives tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra. http://www.trans-siberian.com


If these are your in-laws I know someone who could cause the train to derail in Krasnoyarsk.

(in reply to Disco Duck)
Post #: 14200
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 4:04:04 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Disco Duck

It could have been worse. At one place I was shopping a female cashier had a Chemo therapy bald head and was talking to a customer.
I am not sure what the rest of conversation was but the customer as she walked off said, " As long as you have your health".



Ouch! The Brewster is trailing smoke as she disappears below the clouds.


(in reply to Disco Duck)
Post #: 14201
RE: Get talking. - 12/24/2013 5:42:28 PM   
moore4807


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Disco Duck

It could have been worse. At one place I was shopping a female cashier had a Chemo therapy bald head and was talking to a customer. I am not sure what the rest of conversation was but the customer as she walked off said, " As long as you have your health".

Here's hoping something cheers up your Cashier.


As a leukemia pt (in remission) my response would have been hurling a can of beans/fruit/vegetables at her... But then again I've been told I have anger management issues


quote:


Merry Christmas to all. I got my relatives tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra. http://www.trans-siberian.com


I made that mistake of taking all the relatives to see T.S.O. - my M-I-L complained it was too loud and hurt her ears (???) F-I-L leans over and says to her, why didn't you take your hearing aids out?

The resulting fight was a 2 hour spectacle involving 3 generations of the family. I had to promise to never do anything like that again!

Merry Christmas to all!!!



_____________________________


(in reply to Disco Duck)
Post #: 14202
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 3:52:02 PM   
sprior


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Not sure what to add to this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-25495087


_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



(in reply to moore4807)
Post #: 14203
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 5:18:00 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

Not sure what to add to this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-25495087



26. He might have had kids.

He gets back from a cruise, sends a letter to his family and then they send him out again on another boat. Uggh.

(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14204
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 5:19:43 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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At least nobody tried to regift the fruitcake.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14205
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 5:22:58 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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Well, that was fun...spectacular amounts of eating and drinking...lapse into stupor....now get up and do it all over again at my sisters house.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14206
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 5:32:14 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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************Pranning (not for Christmas)***********


All of the first wave for Okinawa is fully embarked. Off we go! 98K troops with more to come.

Yorktown is likely spotted at her current position 200mi WNW of Palau. I couldn't be sure from the combat replay but it is likely that JJ will port their ships or scatter them.
Or perhaps bring in fighters or set up bombers at Beazelbob. Better to send Yorktown up towards her station near Batan Is.

Naha airfield is already starting to repair. We will have to switch the B-24's there tomorrow.

About 1200 LYB's on Kume-jima. Nobody on Okinerabushima. We can do an air drop on Okinerabushima and the regiment for Kume-jima should be enough.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/25/2013 6:32:04 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14207
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 5:34:43 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: moore4807

I made that mistake of taking all the relatives to see T.S.O. - my M-I-L complained it was too loud and hurt her ears (???) F-I-L leans over and says to her, why didn't you take your hearing aids out?



FIL is the earnest problem-solving type I can see.

(in reply to moore4807)
Post #: 14208
RE: Get talking. - 12/25/2013 8:24:51 PM   
sprior


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Well, that was fun...spectacular amounts of eating and drinking...lapse into stupor....now get up and do it all over again at my sisters house.


I'm off to my mum's tomorrow for another major pork out.

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14209
RE: Get talking. - 12/26/2013 4:14:19 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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So my brother brings his friend to the Christmas party dressed up like Santa. Damned impressive $1200 Santa suit, 340 real life pounds, big white beard, authentic red cheeks, maybe even too red...if you know what I mean. Smelled like a Dominican too...the cigar, not the baseball player.

So we send in the little kids...and then all the cute girl cousins (like 12 of 'em 17 to 28)....I think Santa liked that part.

Then I suggest to my sister that she sit on Santa's lap for a picture.

Sister1: I know who Santa is. I'm not sitting on Santa's lap.



< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/26/2013 5:15:15 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14210
RE: Get talking. - 12/26/2013 5:51:46 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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79 degrees on Dec 26.....daffodills popping out of the soil before Christmas....hmmmmm?


I am beginning to have some serious doubts on the Global Cooling hypothesis.

(in reply to Crackaces)
Post #: 14211
RE: Get talking. - 12/26/2013 10:51:23 PM   
zuluhour


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I am remiss forgetting to wish you fellows a happy holiday! I typically read the threads at work where it would be unethical for me to comment. Please feel free to tilt one for me should either of you run out of reasons to bend the elbow. I have thoroughly enjoyed your impeccable teamwork and attention to detail.......am I in the right thread???... 

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14212
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 2:03:38 PM   
sprior


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I'm putting this book on my Amazon wish list: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1388156262&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+avoid+huge+ships

This is the review that convinced me I needed it:

As a U-Boat captain operating in the North Atlantic, my crew and I have found this book invaluable. Simply by doing the exact opposite of the advice contained within this tome, we have been able to increase our sunk tonnage in the last three months by 36.7%. Have to go - just sighted another Huge Ship. ALARM! VORBEREITEN DIE TORPEDOS!

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



(in reply to zuluhour)
Post #: 14213
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 2:17:35 PM   
Simonsez


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quote:

79 degrees on Dec 26.....daffodills popping out of the soil before Christmas....hmmmmm?


I am beginning to have some serious doubts on the Global Cooling hypothesis.


Well, here in balmy Milwaukee, I have about 17 inches of the white %#$^@ on the ground, it's been on average 5 degrees coolder than the normal this month - looking at a high of 5 - 8 degress C over the New Year and my dog (a she) has to pee standing up, lest she gets stuck frozen to the ground. Somehow I doubt there is either global cooling or warming going on, its just what the planet does and as George Carlin once famously said - "It can shake us off like a bad case of fleas anytime it wants."

Looking forward to another year of enjoying this mockumentary you have going. Keep up the good work. Cheers and Happy New Year!

_____________________________

Simonsez

It's a trap!

(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14214
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 2:38:56 PM   
witpqs


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

I'm putting this book on my Amazon wish list: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1388156262&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+avoid+huge+ships

This is the review that convinced me I needed it:

As a U-Boat captain operating in the North Atlantic, my crew and I have found this book invaluable. Simply by doing the exact opposite of the advice contained within this tome, we have been able to increase our sunk tonnage in the last three months by 36.7%. Have to go - just sighted another Huge Ship. ALARM! VORBEREITEN DIE TORPEDOS!


Well apparently it came in third for oddest book title of all time, behind Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers and People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Avoid_Huge_Ships

_____________________________


(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14215
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 3:22:11 PM   
Argos

 

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From: Bozeman, MT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

I'm putting this book on my Amazon wish list: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1388156262&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+avoid+huge+ships

This is the review that convinced me I needed it:

As a U-Boat captain operating in the North Atlantic, my crew and I have found this book invaluable. Simply by doing the exact opposite of the advice contained within this tome, we have been able to increase our sunk tonnage in the last three months by 36.7%. Have to go - just sighted another Huge Ship. ALARM! VORBEREITEN DIE TORPEDOS!


I'm not sure whether to be more alarmed by the proliferation of huge ships or the fact that there was a U-Boat operating in the North Atlantic as recently as last April. Hopefully Oprah/Dr Phil will be covering these scourges soon (with A. Cooper following up with a sound boot-licking during ratings week).

(in reply to sprior)
Post #: 14216
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 4:08:21 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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"mockumentary"

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14217
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 4:30:50 PM   
Cap Mandrake


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******************June 18, 1943(c)**************


PI/Formosa/Ryukyus: Benham and Duncan are headed to escort the troopships leaving Iba and Batangas. We discover why this was necessary. Rittah Yerrow Baaahstard subs ar ovah prace.

ASW attack near Batan Island at 84,70

Japanese Ships
SS RO-60, hits 2

Allied Ships
DD Benham
DD Duncan

SS RO-60 is sighted by escort
DD Benham fails to find sub, continues to search...
DD Duncan attacking submerged sub ....
Escort abandons search for sub


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ASW attack near Vigan at 80,72

Japanese Ships
SS I-166, hits 5

Allied Ships
DD Benham, Torpedo hits 1, heavy damage
DD Duncan


Rast gasp attack from Manira. I hope this rittah yerrow baaahstard that finished off Arried CVE at Batangas a month ago.

Morning Air attack on TF, near Vigan at 80,72

Weather in hex: Moderate rain

Raid detected at 40 NM, estimated altitude 5,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 18 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-36 Ida x 1

Allied aircraft
P-39D Airacobra x 3

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-36 Ida: 1 damaged

No Allied losses

Allied Ships
APA J. Franklin Bell


Sneaky WJD's ambush a B-25 over Taihoky. Still don't know where they are coming from. When the Corsairs show up they are gone...of course.

Morning Air attack on Taihoku , at 87,63

Weather in hex: Thunderstorms

Raid detected at 40 NM, estimated altitude 13,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 11 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-44-IIa Tojo x 3

Allied aircraft
B-25C Mitchell x 26
B-25D1 Mitchell x 16

No Japanese losses

Allied aircraft losses
B-25C Mitchell: 1 destroyed, 1 damaged
B-25D1 Mitchell: 1 damaged

Runway hits 2


Not sure where these Tojos over Naha are coming from. Probably Naha field itself. It's just relentless trying to keep everything suppressed.

Afternoon Air attack on Naha , at 95,66

Weather in hex: Heavy rain

Raid detected at 27 NM, estimated altitude 33,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 10 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-44-IIa Tojo x 3

Allied aircraft
F4U-1 Corsair x 17

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 1 destroyed

No Allied losses




Raids over Nago and Daito Shoto go in today but are only moderately effective.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 12/27/2013 5:57:54 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14218
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 5:01:50 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
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From: Southern California
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Someone told me nuts are good for you so I am going through all these Sees candy boxes lying about and eating all the chocolate covered almonds. It's important to consider one's health during the holidays.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14219
RE: Get talking. - 12/27/2013 5:17:13 PM   
witpqs


Posts: 26087
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: Argleton
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quote:

Someone told me nuts are good for you...


So that's why you hang out here!

_____________________________


(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 14220
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