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All Forums >> [New Releases from Matrix Games] >> War in the Pacific: Admiral's Edition >> After Action Reports >> RE: 25%

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RE: 25% - 8/25/2010 4:40:10 PM

BrucePowers

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Ya gotta a love Dewey, Cheatem and Howe

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1651

RE: 25% - 8/25/2010 5:13:58 PM

Smeulders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

**********Officer's tent, 90th BS(M), USAAF, Sydney, May 6, 1942************

A yong man in fine linen pants reads a letter with interest. The letterhead reads "Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, LLC." The young man reads a portion aloud....."Adm. Yamamoto wrote "If I cannot be assured that the failure rate of the torpedoes will exceed 90% then I am afraid I can no longer support the contract extension..."

Young man in fine linen pants: GODDMANED INGRATE! We are pushing it at 75%. <throws down letter> I swear he is worse than that primadonna Yamashita.

Hirsute USAAF officer: Why don't you just hire Jap commanders to falsely report dud hits? Then both sides will be happy.

Young man in fine linen pants: <pauses> Goddamnit Yossarian! That is Goddamned brilliant!............

And so FOW was born

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1652

RE: 25% - 8/25/2010 6:23:56 PM

Mynok

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FOW?

Flatulence of Wampum?

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"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

(in reply to Smeulders)

Post #: 1653

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 7:17:38 PM

Chickenboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Doing so into a pipe to spin one's meter backwards=most distinctly abnormal.

Oh, sure. Like you haven't done that yourself.

No. That would be weird. Unlike lighting them as an ignition point source, which is perfectly normal.

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Post #: 1654

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 7:43:39 PM

Mynok

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"perfectly" is probably overstating the case there........

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"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

(in reply to Chickenboy)

Post #: 1655

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 9:31:09 PM

witpqs

Posts: 26087
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From: Argleton
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And I thought that was a Martian ray-gun you were firing.

(in reply to Mynok)

Post #: 1656

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 9:39:05 PM

sprior

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From: Portsmouth, UK
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Anyway, May the plonkth 194-something

WE have decided that we have to do sometging to relieve the pressure on China and will launch a spoiling attack toward Shwebo from Imphal. I know it's not big and not clever but in the best tradition of Churchill, "Something must be done!"

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.

(in reply to witpqs)

Post #: 1657

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 10:02:19 PM

Cap Mandrake

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From: Southern California
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Ah...splendid notion from Mr. Churchill! The Little Yellow Bastards will scatter in terror. If the chaps see any Turks, however, you might want to think twice.

(in reply to sprior)

Post #: 1658

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/25/2010 10:07:58 PM

Mynok

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Or at least check their maps again.....

_____________________________

"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

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Post #: 1659

RE: 25% - 8/25/2010 11:45:14 PM

Cap Mandrake

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From: Southern California
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So I call the Gas Company to find out why I have 4 bills on the same day.

Me: Hi, I received 4 bills on the 24th. Can you explain that to me?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Sure Mr. Mandrake <typing sounds......> Ah, yes, it seems they misread your meter.

Me: four times?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: No just once. Those are your June and July and your August bills

Me: And the foruth one?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: That is your corrected August bill.

Me: Ah, so I have an August bill and a corrected August bill and the June and July bills with the same billing date?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Yes, exactly! Is that clear?

Me: Honestly, not really. Didn't I pay the June and July already?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Yes you did Mr. Mandrake, but they were just sent for clarification.

Me: Ah, splendid. were are just swimming in clarifications aren't we?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Yes sir.

Me: Well, which one do I pay?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: None of them?

Me: None of them?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Yes sir, none. You have a credit of $25.41.

Me: A credit? You mean that spinning the meter backward thing really worked?

Nice gas lady with Texas accent: Sir?

(in reply to BrucePowers)

Post #: 1660

RE: Gas ! - 8/26/2010 12:01:40 AM

BBfanboy

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From: Winnipeg, MB
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Doing so into a pipe to spin one's meter backwards=most distinctly abnormal.

Oh, sure. Like you haven't done that yourself.

No. That would be weird. Unlike lighting them as an ignition point source, which is perfectly normal.

No ignition - someone stole Mynok's Iludium Q-35 Explosive Space Modulator ...
But if OZ suddenly disappears we'll know where it went.

(in reply to Chickenboy)

Post #: 1661

RE: Gas ! - 8/26/2010 12:54:48 AM

aprezto

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Joined: 1/29/2009
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[/quote]

No ignition - someone stole Mynok's Iludium Q-35 Explosive Space Modulator ...
But if OZ suddenly disappears we'll know where it went.

[/quote]

Not that I am refuting the nod nod wink wink, we are all chums, healthy banter of kiwi-Oz tomfoolery and contest, but, any ideas how I can help the above be so???

< Message edited by aprezto -- 8/26/2010 4:14:14 AM >

_____________________________

Image courtesy of Divepac

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Post #: 1662

RE: Gas ! - 8/26/2010 1:14:15 AM

BBfanboy

Posts: 18046
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From: Winnipeg, MB
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aprezto

No ignition - someone stole Mynok's Iludium Q-35 Explosive Space Modulator ...
But if OZ suddenly disappears we'll know where it went.

Not that I am refuting the nod nod wink wink, we are all chums, healthy banter of kiwi-Oz tomfoolery and contest, but, an ideas how I can help the above be so???

Well, fiwst you have to find this sassy wabbit - I mean rabbit ...

OK - this highjacker surrenders

. Back to the real action ... in the Pacific that is, not in Vegas as some AARs are covering

(in reply to aprezto)

Post #: 1663

RE: Gas meter running backward... - 8/26/2010 3:55:37 AM

USSAmerica

Posts: 18715
Joined: 10/28/2002
From: Graham, NC, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Next time Stalker Girl complains I will show her the $26 I earned.

Cap, the average quality of humor in here is always exceedingly high. Then you bust out a line like this one.

_____________________________

Mike

"Good times will set you free" - Jimmy Buffett

"They need more rum punch" - Me

Artwork by The Amazing Dixie

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1664

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 3:56:04 AM

USSAmerica

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From: Graham, NC, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

**********Officer's tent, 90th BS(M), USAAF, Sydney, May 6, 1942************

A yong man in fine linen pants reads a letter with interest. The letterhead reads "Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, LLC." The young man reads a portion aloud....."Adm. Yamamoto wrote "If I cannot be assured that the failure rate of the torpedoes will exceed 90% then I am afraid I can no longer support the contract extension..."

Young man in fine linen pants: GODDMANED INGRATE! We are pushing it at 75%. <throws down letter> I swear he is worse than that primadonna Yamashita.

Hirsute USAAF officer: Why don't you just hire Jap commanders to falsely report dud hits? Then both sides will be happy.

Young man in fine linen pants: <pauses> Goddamnit Yossarian! That is Goddamned brilliant!............

I rest my case.

_____________________________

Mike

"Good times will set you free" - Jimmy Buffett

"They need more rum punch" - Me

Artwork by The Amazing Dixie

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1665

RE: Gas ! - 8/26/2010 7:11:37 AM

Alfred

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aprezto

Apologies to our North American and European readers for this antipodean hijack.

Aprezto, I don't think you really have thought through the ramifications of your comment. No Australia, no Bledisloe Cup. Do you really want to forego the pleasure of retaining the Cup? Isn't it better to experience the regular 4 yearly World Cup failure
at the hands of the Wallabies in a semi final? Could you imagine how the Springboks would react if they took over the traditional Wallaby role in the World Cup? What about your horses, they'd have no Melbourne Cup to dominate?

We now return to our regular transmission for North American and European readers.

Alfred

(in reply to aprezto)

Post #: 1666

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 3:19:46 PM

Cap Mandrake

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From: Southern California
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The KB has moved east, carefully, and wisely, staying out of fighter escort range from Suva. There are quite of few dive bombers and B-26/A-20's there.

A surface group appears heded toward Norfolk. I will evacuate the last AK and flyable fighters.

P-40's are bested by fighter sweeps over New Scotland. I have several squadrons of P-39's with 1-3 aircraft. Time to consolidate a bit. 1 aircraft squadrons are just not effective. Sending the last armor at New Edinburgh back to New Perth. I think the Japs at New Edinburgh are eating salamanders and tree bark now.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 8/26/2010 3:27:31 PM >

(in reply to BrucePowers)

Post #: 1667

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 3:25:25 PM

Cap Mandrake

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Air losses. The P-40E's just do not peform like the P-39's. Can't be helped. They are still knocking down Jap bombers and protecting the troops at New Perth. B-17 lost on the way back from Wyndham.

Attachment (1)

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1668

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 3:35:42 PM

Smeulders

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Any chance you'll be engaging anything with your carriers ? It does seem quite likely KB will double back towards Norfolk Island next turn, there is awfully little for it to do South of Suva.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1669

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 4:13:12 PM

Cap Mandrake

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The carriers are almost united. There are still a few Wildcats that need to be flown off from Sydney so the carriers will have to swing into the Tasman Sea after refueling.

The B-17's are mostly ready at Brisbane. The peril is great so I want everything to be properly coiled.

Attachment (1)

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Post #: 1670

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 5:03:20 PM

BrucePowers

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Just make sure you didn't buy the rope from M&M Enterprises

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Post #: 1671

RE: Gas ! - 8/26/2010 5:13:39 PM

Chickenboy

Posts: 24520
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From: San Antonio, TX
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quote:

Apologies to our North American and European readers for this antipodean hijack.

If I may hijack a bit further...

In systemic pathology (a core course in our veterinary curriculum), we had two main course coordinators. They shall remain nameless for the time being. One of them was a Kiwi, the other an Aussie.

Half the fun in this course was watching them bash one another incessantly. Great fun for all. A couple of the lines I remember best:

Aussie: "Patterns of speech can be used to differentiate Australians from Kiwis. One way to do so is to ask them to pronounce the number after '5'. The Australian will pronounce is somewhat like 'sex'. The Kiwi can't count that high."

Kiwi: "What's the difference between yogurt and Australia? Yogurt is a living culture."

Please oh please DO carry on...

_____________________________

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Post #: 1672

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 5:16:31 PM

sprior

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From: Portsmouth, UK
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quote:

The peril is great so I want everything to be properly coiled

Shouldn't that be "properly clenched"?

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)

Post #: 1673

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 5:19:12 PM

Chickenboy

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From: San Antonio, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

quote:

The peril is great so I want everything to be properly coiled

Shouldn't that be "properly clenched"?

No, that would be akin to the 'pucker factor' of having everything properly coiled. Different anatomical analogy.

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Post #: 1674

RE: 25% - 8/26/2010 11:07:11 PM

Cap Mandrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

quote:

The peril is great so I want everything to be properly coiled

Shouldn't that be "properly clenched"?

quote:

COMMUNICATION (ENCRYPTED, SHORT WAVE)

FROM: PACIFIC FLEET HQ
DATE: 5/7/42
TO: EASTERN FLEET HQ (CURIOUSLY WEST OF EVERYONE ELSE)

CONCUR WITH YOUR SUGGESTION RE. NON-USE OF MECAHNICAL DEVICE ANALOGIES IN OPERATIONAL PLANNING COMMUNICATIONS STOP WILL INSTEAD USE BIOLOGICAL ANALOGIES LIKE "CLENCHED TIGHT ENOUGH TO CRACK WALNUTS" END [/QUOTE]

(in reply to sprior)

Post #: 1675

RE: 25% - 8/27/2010 2:29:47 AM

Mynok

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"Tighter than a bulls arse in fly time"

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"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

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Post #: 1676

RE: 25% - 8/27/2010 10:09:28 AM

sprior

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From: Portsmouth, UK
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Tighter than a duck's arse, and that's water-tight.

_____________________________

"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.

(in reply to Mynok)

Post #: 1677

RE: 25% - 8/27/2010 8:44:11 PM

Cap Mandrake

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*************************May 8, 1942*************************

I don't know if Sgt. Minderbinder's disinformation campaign on torpedo hits has started but USN sub skippers reported 4 hits today and only 1 explosion (75% failure rate). Yamamoto-san is going to be pissed and I am as well. The heavily damaged Nagara was hit by a dud near the Solomons as were two DD's near New Scotland. I swear, I have to have an 8 oz. Martini with two olives before I can bring myself to watch the combat replays. I am going to need a liver transplant if they don't get the damned things fixed. The single torp that exploded sank a crappy little torpedo boat.

Both Jap carrier groups disappeared! I had at lest 50 planes looking for the KB. I don't know if they went North of Fiji somewhere or turned South and are headed toward New Zealand. Bloody Hell. There is at least one carrier near Norfolk as the AK headed South from there was shadowed by Kates. I turned around some support ships departing Samoa, headed Fiji. Everything headed for Auckland is instead now headed for Wellington. The 32nd ID is aboard fast AP's SW of Tahiti. They will have to idle until the GD KB is found again. The USN carriers are one day out from Wellington.

There are now two surface combat or amphibious groups 120 mi NW of Norfolk. I think the LYB's are planning to land there and deprive the great nation of New Zealand of some of the land they stole from the aboriginal inhabitants. I wish they would tell me these things so I could plan better. There is a single Kiwi ground support unit with 99 infantrymen and no fortifications. Uggh. I have quite a few damaged planes there. It would be most unpleasant to lose the field. I will fly in a few A-24's and see if they can make their presence known. Maybe I can fly in some Kiwi infantry from the North Island...probably out of range and there are only 3 operable C-47's about.

The most interesting option is a carrier sortie. All 4 carriers could be there in 2 days if the fuel situation permits. If the KB is off hunting anchovies it would be a great opportunity. The 4 carriers could crush the landing and dispatch a CVL before the KB came back. More likely is the KB is lurking about somewhere waiting for Allied cruisers to show up at Norfolk. For the last 3 days there has been a Jap sub positioned along the likely route of travel from Auckland to Norfolk. There may be one NW of Wellington too that remains unspotted. I dont think the presence of the Allied carriers is known.

As for my B-17 raid from Brisbane...it seems there was some false advertising on the range circles. Brisbane to New Ullapool is 19 hexes and out of range for the 17E's

.

I will have to move them to Noumea and go from there.

Here is the question. Will they fly or be hampered with the airfield support damage at 52%? The runway damage is in the 20's. They will be stacked with their air HQ and have plenty of ground support. Airfield is level 4.

(in reply to BrucePowers)

Post #: 1678

RE: 25% - 8/27/2010 8:49:19 PM

witpqs

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Airfield Support has to do with getting unready planes ready. Does that help?

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Post #: 1679

RE: 25% - 8/27/2010 8:54:03 PM

Cap Mandrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: witpqs

Airfield Support has to do with getting unready planes ready. Does that help?

Do you mean repairing damaged planes only or does it also impair arming and fueling and therefore might be modeled somehow by impairing strike fomation or bomb load or such?

Pretend I didn't read the rules.

(in reply to witpqs)

Post #: 1680