Moondawggie
Posts: 403
Joined: 10/18/2003 From: Placer County CA Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake *********USAAF Bursor's Office, Suva, Fiji, May 30, 1942******** Clerk: I'm sorry, Captain, I show a Captain Yossarian, 90th Bombardment Squadron as missing in action. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Not any more I'm not. Clerk: That is what my report says. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: But wouldn't my presence here cause you lose some confidence in your report? Clerk:Well, sir, that what she says. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: I have my dog tags. Clerk: Dog tags can be switched sir. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: What do I have to do be alive again Corporal? I have some medals coming. Clerk: You would need a letter of personal attestation by your CO. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: I can get that! He flew in with us. Clerk: Who is that sir? Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Colonel Cathcart. Clerk: <looks at list> Hmmmm. Yes, I see him...oh dear...I'm so sorry sir. He is KIA. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: He is NOT dead! I just saw him running to the latrine. Clerk: Sorry, sir, KIA. It's official. The check went out to his widow yesterday. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: He doesn't HAVE a widow. Clerk: He does now. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Look, what if I brought him in? Could he be alive again. Clerk: Perhaps, if he got the Letter of Personal Attestation from HIS CO, but he would owe the USAAF for his life insurance payment. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: But Dreedle's in Sydney, we will never get his lard ass out here. Clerk: Sir? Is there anything else I can help you with? Tall, hirsute USAAF officer:Anything else? Are you kidding? Look, can you just send my checks to my dad in Gilroy. Clerk: Sure! THAT we can do! Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Splendid! How do I do that? Clerk: Captain Yossarian will have to sign form 412/22A, Attestation of Supplemental Remuneration. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Fine, where is it? Clerk: Oh, not now sir. We will first need the Leter of Personal Attestation from Col. Cathcart. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Whom you show as dead? Clerk: Yes sir. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Look, if I am dead, can I at least get my purple heart? Clerk: Yes sir! Decorations Bureau, 3rd Quonset on the left. Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Great! You've been a great help Corporal. <winks and heads for the door> Clerk: You're welcome sir! Glad to be of help. Sir? Tall, hirsute USAAF officer: Yes? Clerk: You do realize you will first need a letter of commendation from your CO for the purple heart?..... Reminds me of a few REMFs I knew a long time ago....Perhaps our good Captain would get better service from the Reincarnation Bureau, the 4th Quonset on the left?
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"The Yankees got all the smart ones, and look where it got them." General George Pickett, the night before Gettysburg
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