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My experience at work today.

 
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My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 2:59:03 AM   
Pippin


Posts: 1233
Joined: 11/9/2002
Status: offline 		Ok, this is ironic, don’t know where to start. I figure since this is a somewhat, little community of mine, closed but, sometimes closer than one may think I guess I will share what happened to me today.

To make a long story short, a woman moved into the place behind me where I work. She seems to have been very, very, verbally abusive to her kid(s) (and not to mention dog). I can’t help but notice while we on the forums may lock out every use of the f-word, and shun on someone when ever they say the word Bitch, etc. However, this MOTHER, seems to constantly scream these to her own children every two words.

I am a work-oholic. That means, sometimes I literally am stuck at the office either working on my 3D models, doing level designing, or what ever artwork needs to be ported to the next title. During a lot of these evenings I would be the only one here at the desk while this MOTHER would come home and take her aggressions out. For a while I was not too sure if it was a 2 sided issue or not. A few times I got so fed up with the yelling I literally almost went over there to put myself in between the (demented family to perhaps let em know that SOMEONE is listening and ask them exactly what is the problem!?) However, my suspicious have been for quite some time it was the Mother’s doing all this time. Lets just say I have a tendency to know when someone is a fake, and who is when I encounter these people.

I mentioned to my Girlfriend, and a few others about this issue, and I was told that it is not my business and I should stay out of other’s affair and not jump into things. To make another story short, I know I am somewhat always doing what people claim I shouldn’t. There have been a few fights outside the office, and of course, there is me who ALLWAYS walks into the middle of the street to assess the situation and try to bring order. I‘ve have my life in danger a few times but, if I die I’d rather die standing on my own two feet. I just cant stand it seeing abuse all over. To sum things up, my office is in a very bad part of town, lots of drugs go through here as we are next to the border and my town seems to be a center point in a drug network, not to mention a lot of poverty and homeless people near me. (Not that street people are all evil!)

Well, today, as usual the bitching and screaming continued, I was actually planning to write up this situation and post it here for you guys to assess. I was thinking on calling the children’s aid just recently (or whatever you call it), but the problem is the one kid is 17 years old, and while there was one other child there today I was not sure if that child today was just visiting or what. In any case, one thing lead to another and sure enough, I hear, of all people, the mother yelling about calling the police. Well, for the first time I then went out over there, (I had heard enough, and now was a decent excuse to run into the fire) not sure what to expect, was not sure who was all there but was expecting a fist or two in my face, so yes I did have that huge adrenaline rush again when your expecting some punches. I go to the back of the building, and there is the mother then telling me there is a problem and she got ABUSED, (the abusive mother calling the cops because SHE IS SUDDENLY ABUSED!?). Well, I admit I did see some fresh scares on her arms. I stood there firmly and asked her, who was abusing her, but she didn’t seem quite responsive. Still not sure what the situation was (though I had my guesses), I asked her again, so I could know more of her statement before I called the cops. Next thing I know she pushes the door gate slam against me and yells at me also using some language I will not state here.

I then called the cops. Ironically it took them 10 minutes or 15 to show up. I even called then a 2nd time and started bitching at why there is a domestic case here needing cops urgently when the cops are just 2 streets away and no show? I somewhat felt guilty as I found myself bitching at a dispatcher, wondering if I was somewhat starting to act like this Mother. Well, I was rewarded by a cop flying down my street, which just so happened to not even bother stopping!? Another 5 minutes later, finally three cops show up!

Oh, while this wait was occurring, there continued to be much door bashing, screaming, yelling, etc. This woman also came to the office wanting to use a door in the back of my work areas to get to her apartment. I found it ironic how, while I stood there blocking our door entrance firmly in front of this raving woman, and told her NO I can not allow that to happen, but the cops are coming. I almost felt guilty not allowing her in her own house, as though I was doing something wrong. I am certainly GLAD I didn’t let her in (or the situation no doubt would have gotten even worse), (you see the kids had locked her out at this time, hurrah for the kids). But when ever I am faced with someone older then me I cant help but feel as though I am still supposed to listen to my elders, no matter how lunatic they are! Go figure.

Ironically the cops didn’t even want to talk to me when they showed up. I can somewhat understand as I was not part of any abuse/assault that occurred today, though I somewhat PUSHED myself in front of the cops and made damn sure they at least heard part of my story of some of the things going on while I have been working here for the last 3 or 3 months. At least I was told that there is no child-aid for a teenager who is 17, but SUPPOSEDLY there is an uncle or someone the teenager may be staying at from now on. At least this better be true!

I am left here wondering, why did it have to come down to this. I don’t know. I should of perhaps just thrown myself into that apartment before with all the bitching but… alas… everyone tells me it’s none of my business. But now I feel even more guilty than before for not doing anything earlier. At least, the problem somewhat got solved today (I hope).

In any case, it is ironic how, war is war but even in peace time people inside on making wars, (WITH THEIR OWN FAMILY!).

I Don’t think I got much brownie points with the crazy mother next door (especially today!). No doubt I will have to put up with her now until one of us re-locates. However, it is something I can DEAL with, at least I will make sure no other kids end up having her as a mother while I am here.

P.S.. As an insurance policy my boss brought me a baseball bat a week or two ago to use incase I have any street trouble, I hope I will not need it but, as I said, bad part of town….


Once again, just sharing today’s event to the community. This is not an attempt to throw someone’s family domestic problems into the world to see (or maybe that SHOULD be done?). If there is a problem, MG can delete this thread. I’m just wondering, what SHOULD I have done before… today, nothing? I was hoping to catch the 17 year old earlier and have a talk with him about possibly moving to another relative (without the mother there), but I guess that was not to be.

Once again, I have this guilt trip of letting things continue to this state…..I knew there was problems!


Pippin…

_____________________________

Nelson stood on deck and observed as the last of the Spanish fleets sank below the waves…
Post #: 1
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 3:34:24 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Pippin;

Very interesting moral problem and also interesting how the UK handles this differently. In the US, the 17 year old would definitiely have been treated as a child and would likely have been involuntarilly admitted to County protective custody (these matters are handled by individual counties in most US states) pending an adequate placement. Much of the discretion to decide these issues have been taken away from law enforcement officers and have been vested in Child Protective Services.

From a moral standpoint, I think you were right to intervene, but from a practical standpoint, given the prevalence of firearms in the US...I would not advise repeating this stunt here Unfortunately, this is a difficult balancing act, as I have personally seen erroneous reports resulting in troubling interventions. The US has something called "mandated reporters" (eg, Police, Doctors, Nurses) who have a legal obligation to report at the risk of prosecution if they do not.

It is also amazing how forgiving families can be toward abusive behavior toward children. I once took care of a beautiful 10 month-old boy with severe second degree burns of the hands with a sharp line of demarcation suggesting involuntary immersion in scalding water. X-rays revealed multiple healing fractures of the ribs and long bones of various age. This one was not equivocal. The mother confessed. Of course the child was taken into protective custody. Despite this, the father sided with the mother and threatened me with physical violence. Oh well.

_____________________________


(in reply to Pippin)
Post #: 2
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 3:36:20 AM   
UndercoverNotChickenSalad


Posts: 3990
Joined: 2/19/2002
From: Denial Aisle
Status: offline 		Is she a milf ?

_____________________________


(in reply to Pippin)
Post #: 3
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 4:08:20 AM   
*Lava*


Posts: 1924
Joined: 2/9/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Pippin!

I know what you mean about having a compulsion to throw yourself into the middle of problems. I have the same compulsion. My wife calls me "her American hero" but begs me to stay out of such situations.

You did good man. Too many people sit on the butts, watch from the sidelines or just simply turn away.

We pawn our societal problems off on "agencies" and wonder why our communities get dragged down. I say, not in my neighborhood! And its nice to know others feel the same way.

Well done.

Ray (alias Lava)

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Post #: 4
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 4:31:20 AM   
Mangudai


Posts: 360
Joined: 3/12/2004
From: The Middle West
Status: offline 		You did the right thing Pippin. It's brave of you intervene personally, but as an outsider I don't know if you could have fixed anything. I just don't see a hysterical family letting the guy next door be the moderator for their arguments. Calling the cops was a good move. Even if the situation did not require legal action, having the cops show up would teach most mothers to try and stay calm.

(in reply to *Lava*)
Post #: 5
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 6:41:41 AM   
Pippin


Posts: 1233
Joined: 11/9/2002
Status: offline
quote:

Very interesting moral problem and also interesting how the UK handles this differently.


Well, actually the avatar can be mislead ring. Currently I reside in Canada, right up against the U.S. border. We do however, also have an oath every physician must take when they suspect child abuse is occurring. Actually, it’s not just an oath, but they are required to notify authorities by Law. If it is proven later there has been an abuse and a physician had not made a statement when the evidence was there, his future medical field will be in serious doubt. (Also I believe some other penalties as well,).

It is interesting, this whole evening my nerves have been shot. I finished smoking another pack here, trying to do some work but cant. Like I said, I have been in life-death situations before, and despite I tend to often claim I don’t care if I die today or tomorrow, I know this isn’t exactly true. In those moments, not only does that dreaded adrenaline rush occur, but I also get that (Life - Preservation) effect that kicks in, and I just seem to… want to preserve myself more than I ever had been willing to admit? I never got my nerves shot like today before (except once when I had a mental breakdown years ago). So why is today’s episode, seem to effect me more than ever, I’m not sure. It’s not the first time I’ve had police cruzers show up. Hell, I admit I’m no perfect angle, I was a teenager once, I’ve even had a ride in the backseat of a cruizer before, arrested once, fled the cops once, had my finger prints taken, court scene, etc. Though not once did I ever go around abusing or assaulting kids! Certainly not my own, though I admit I don’t have kids but if I did I surely wouldn’t even be able to give a spanking. In any case, I feel certain the GUILT seems to be causing the issue.

Just to show how shaky the issue is, even hours later I went to the washroom. Now, some men just hang and go, other’s use the thumb to press against for the aim. I was somewhat stunned to see myself literally spraying as though I was oscillating between the floor, and bowl twice every second with no chance to prevent it. A little inspect noted that my thumb was still constantly twitching causing the problem. No offence to Matrix Games or anyone reading this paragraph. It’s not a sick attempt at poor humour or anything similar, it is just a normal observation I noted to myself, which had caught me quite off guard, but proves a point.

Another point to make, it is not like, I REALY did do anything. I called the cops fine, but it seems that while I was doing so the first time, this mother also went down the street and called the police too (ironically she didn’t realize she would just be calling the cops on HERSELF!). So that in respect, had I not even been here, today’s events would have gone on exactly the same. While I did do something, I really did NOTHING to CHANGE the turn of events had I been here or not. Since I knew more than anyone else about the problems, I think it was somewhat more of my responsibility to act.

Back to what someone mentioned though, it is hard to just walk into another house, even if you know there is something wrong. I had been thinking of doing this a few times but, alas, we all know a person’s house is their castle. If not invited, it’s considered trespassing. It seems a lot abusers prey off this. They seem to be able to try to act normal in the work place, and other environments, but as soon as the door closes to the house, suddenly they feel free to do whatever like it is no one else’s concern?

Hell, even when I went round to get into the place, I couldn’t help but feel wrong on the one hand, despite I figured I’d better hurry up and see what the hell is going on. The side door glass was broken, though I’m not sure if SHE had broken it, because I know there was some door damage from before. I tried to open the side screen door but alas, it was locked. I then wondered about the legal implications of trying to punch out the screen to unlock it from the other side. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush, but it took me a few seconds to realize the screen in front of me had already been ripped to shreds. I assume it was the friendly mother’s work just moments before me who had also decided to try to gain entrance after just getting locked out.

Next thing I know I’m reaching my hand inside, fiddling around with the inside lock, wondering how I’m going to open the NEXT door behind it, without slamming myself against it and obviously risking myself to a trespassing/break and enter charge… I must say, trying to sum up all these things, while you’re not sure what your running into, but time is of the essence, makes you feel a little…. (Hard to explain.)

Luckily, before I had to worry about any more catch-22 decisions, is when I noticed the one lady (mother) further up out back. I still was not sure if this WAS her or not. I didn’t know at the time that she had been suddenly locked out. In any case, as I mentioned, while trying to determine who SHE was and come to her aid, all I got in return was some verbal abuse and a violent guesture towards me in return. Go figure!


Well that being said, I did see her later on today after the cops had long gone. Perhaps, this part almost is humorous. I was standing at the office doorway outside to the street trying to take in what had just happened, when the woman walked around to corner. Apparently I must have startled her, because she somewhat jerked in surprise, then tripped, and stumbled on her own slippers right in front me on the ground! I somewhat stood there wondering what to do next. What does one say in that situation? I suddenly had this fear that she was faking it and had a plan to claim I pushed her, in order to get some kind of revenge.

I really don’t know what to say, normally when a woman trips and falls, it is a reaction for me to help but, I just stood there, observing for a moment. Well, luckily she helped herself up (Did I forget to mention she LITERALY FELL in a falling twisting motion and rolled on her back?) At that point I threw down my finished cancer-stick, placed my foot on it to squash out the last puff, then simply said, “I guess it’s the nerves, after what happened today.“, what else could I say? Then I turned and walked back into the office.

One thing I will tell you, it is sure quiet now. I think all she can do is yell at herself. Apparently, she must not find that pleasing due to the quietness tonight. Ironic, since if there is any yelling to be done, I would imagine it should be directed towards her? Go figure!

Well I guess I should stop with today’s thoughts on philosophy before I a make this thing ten pages. I know one can argue hundreds of people are getting killed every day, there is a war here or there going on all the time. What difference does one little domestic make? Well, perhaps cause I’ve been a witness to this for quite some time. Instead of getting desensitized to it, I’ve found the opposite. It has been bugging me more and more up until today. Let me tell you, I’m not sure what is worse, having bullets shot at you because you are on one side of the war, and your enemy is on the other side of the war, and you’re both trying to kill each other because it is suddenly legal and your governments want to, or sitting here at my desk while this morning listening to some woman get into a crazy fit again as she literally started smashing up her furniture over god-knows what excuse every few minutes.

I will certainly have to explain any damages here to the landlord soon. If I don’t stick my nose into it again and do this, I wouldn’t doubt the woman will go and blame all the damage on her kid(s) too!

_____________________________

Nelson stood on deck and observed as the last of the Spanish fleets sank below the waves…

(in reply to Mangudai)
Post #: 6
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/20/2004 4:46:52 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Pippin;

You are right, the Avatar is misleading (Its an Empire in Arms thing right?). Not to mention the Nelson quote.

BTW...I think I'd take shome sheet metal screws and screw that door closed (unless its a fire escape)

_____________________________


(in reply to Pippin)
Post #: 7
RE: My experience at work today. - 6/24/2004 9:49:08 AM   
rich91b

 

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline 		Pippin,

I'd like to hear whether the situation you have described has improved at all.

I have some wisdom on the subject.

The woman in question is likely to be suffering from several mental disorders.

One of them being that she perceives anyone who challenges her, whether it be over a trivial or important issue to her, as an enemy. I believe this is quite common in mother's minds that are not healthy.

This disorder makes it literally impossible for her to accept help from you if you challenge her in anyway. You won't know what will or won't press her buttons. You will press one and hey presto you are an enemy. Once in the enemy category anything you do, no matter how clearly positive the motive is, will result in a deterioration of the situation.

Your idea of hearing what the kids have to say when she is not around is potentially the best thing to do. Ask them about their father / other men their mother is currently involved with / so you know what may come around the corner. Suggest to them it would be a good idea not to mention your talk to her.

If you get the picture and it is very bad - I'd ring the local cop station and ask for a specialist in domestic cases - taking time to talk to the right cop will likely produce a better result than taking pot luck with coppers who respond to an emergency.

I would resist getting more involved than this if you haven't already.

It is a situation that requires the motives and abilities of a saint.

For many men an excercise that results in them being dragged down as they realise they are not capable of doing a great deal about it.

Having said that, I am someone full of hope and hope is a powerful ally.

Rich

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 8
RE: My experience at work today. - 7/1/2004 3:42:01 AM   
Pippin


Posts: 1233
Joined: 11/9/2002
Status: offline 		Rich, I didnt respond earlier cause I was away for a week. It seems, the kid has returned, hoping things would work out... (Why do they always return back hoping that someone who is 40 years old will suddenly change!?).

I guess you know already, she seems to have rapidly begun her outbursts again. Not to mention, for a woman her age she acts pretty damn childish if you hear her talk(yelling).

....

_____________________________

Nelson stood on deck and observed as the last of the Spanish fleets sank below the waves…

(in reply to rich91b)
Post #: 9
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