Facts about Chuck Norris

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Facts about Chuck Norris

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Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/14/2005 6:15:06 AM

trajanus

Posts: 52
Joined: 10/29/2005
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These are either really funny...or really stupid.

Here are a few examples...

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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

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When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

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Post #: 1

RE: Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/14/2005 6:22:44 AM

Tankerace

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Joined: 3/21/2003
From: Stillwater, OK, United States
Status: offline

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(in reply to trajanus)

Post #: 2

RE: Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/16/2005 10:24:27 AM

ravinhood

Posts: 3891
Joined: 10/23/2003
Status: offline

Lol.

Here's a true fact. Chuck Norris doesn't like speaking in public. He's fine with a script, but, when he has to speak as a normal person, he hates it. He was on one of those weeknight talk shows and divulged this bit of information. You practically could tell it too by the way he was really rather quiet and soft spoken. He doesn't have that forceful voice in reality.

(in reply to Tankerace)

Post #: 3

RE: Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/16/2005 4:26:59 PM

UndercoverNotChickenSalad

Posts: 3990
Joined: 2/19/2002
From: Denial Aisle
Status: offline

You missed some good ones.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

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Post #: 4

RE: Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/17/2005 1:05:36 PM

Wuotan

Posts: 172
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

Some time ago they called him "arthritiskranker Hau-Drauf-Opa" in a german newspaper... nasty and hard to translate...

Greetings,

TL.

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Wenn Du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in Dich hinein.

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Post #: 5

RE: Facts about Chuck Norris - 11/18/2005 1:37:06 PM

e_barkmann