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You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 6:00:47 PM   
Josh

 

Posts: 2576
Joined: 5/9/2000
From: Leeuwarden, Netherlands
Status: offline
(borrowed somewhere from the web)

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
(must be related to Warspite)

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
Post #: 1
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 6:12:38 PM   
warspite1


Posts: 41353
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Josh

(borrowed somewhere from the web)

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
(must be related to Warspite)

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
warspite1

You forgot one Josh

A DUTCH FARMER
You have two cows
You are a crazy Dutch B*****!




< Message edited by warspite1 -- 2/21/2014 7:13:58 PM >


_____________________________

England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805



(in reply to Josh)
Post #: 2
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 8:42:22 PM   
Arjuna


Posts: 17785
Joined: 3/31/2003
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline
The Kiwi line at the end is definitely the best.

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www.panthergames.com

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 3
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 8:46:31 PM   
Orm


Posts: 22154
Joined: 5/3/2008
From: Sweden
Status: offline
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
Your neighbour eats the cow and now demand to get another cow

_____________________________

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake. - Terry Pratchett

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 4
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 9:06:44 PM   
warspite1


Posts: 41353
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arjuna

The Kiwi line at the end is definitely the best.
warspite1

...except it should be the Welsh


_____________________________

England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805



(in reply to Arjuna)
Post #: 5
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 10:06:01 PM   
rodney727


Posts: 1460
Joined: 7/12/2011
From: Iowa
Status: offline
Minnesotaism
You have two cows...
You trade both for a pig.

_____________________________

"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 6
RE: You have two cows. - 2/21/2014 11:26:09 PM   
t001001001

 

Posts: 322
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline
.

< Message edited by t001001001 -- 2/22/2014 12:41:29 AM >

(in reply to rodney727)
Post #: 7
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 1:20:44 AM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
Iowism:

You have two kahws. You need help figuring out which end of the animal the food goes into.

_____________________________


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Post #: 8
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 1:49:39 AM   
Zorch

 

Posts: 7087
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
Redneck version:

You have two cows. You can't decide which one to tip over.

(in reply to Chickenboy)
Post #: 9
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 1:57:11 AM   
Zap


Posts: 3639
Joined: 12/6/2004
From: LAS VEGAS TAKE A CHANCE
Status: offline
Lol. I enjoyed this thread.

_____________________________


(in reply to Josh)
Post #: 10
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 2:16:19 AM   
Titanwarrior89


Posts: 3283
Joined: 8/28/2003
From: arkansas
Status: offline


_____________________________

"Before Guadalcanal the enemy advanced at his pleasure. After Guadalcanal, he retreated at ours".

"Mama, There's Rabbits in the Garden"

(in reply to Zap)
Post #: 11
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 2:46:42 AM   
Missouri_Rebel


Posts: 3065
Joined: 6/19/2006
From: Southern Missouri
Status: offline
Welfare Queen

You have 2 children and cannot pay for them
Your neighbor works hard milking his cows to feed your family
Milking cows is too much work and you have 2 more children
Your neighbor works harder and takes home less of his milk for his own family
You state 'Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?'

< Message edited by Missouri_Rebel -- 2/22/2014 10:59:18 PM >


_____________________________

**Those who rob Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
**A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have-Gerald Ford

(in reply to Titanwarrior89)
Post #: 12
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 8:09:05 AM   
gradenko2k

 

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/27/2010
Status: offline
http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/politicsandpolicy/archives/29364

You have no cows and have to drink milk from the government dole just to get by, but everyone else who does not have cows almost certainly does not deserve their hand-outs, no sir

(in reply to Missouri_Rebel)
Post #: 13
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 10:41:47 AM   
warspite1


Posts: 41353
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gradenko_2000

http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/politicsandpolicy/archives/29364

You have no cows and have to drink milk from the government dole just to get by, but everyone else who does not have cows almost certainly does not deserve their hand-outs, no sir
warspite1

Never mind - its political nonsense in what was just a light-hearted thread


< Message edited by warspite1 -- 2/22/2014 11:47:53 AM >


_____________________________

England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805



(in reply to gradenko2k)
Post #: 14
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 11:01:31 AM   
Terl


Posts: 609
Joined: 6/1/2005
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
Existentialism:

Does it really matter if we have a cow or not have a cow?

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 15
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 9:55:11 PM   
shunwick


Posts: 2426
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline
Magritteism

This is not a cow.

< Message edited by shunwick -- 2/22/2014 10:55:28 PM >


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I love the smell of TOAW in the morning...

(in reply to Terl)
Post #: 16
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 9:58:04 PM   
Missouri_Rebel


Posts: 3065
Joined: 6/19/2006
From: Southern Missouri
Status: offline
Prison-ism

You have 2 cows
You sell one for a carton of cigarettes
The cows join rival prison gangs
Knife fight at 7:00 pm. Steaks at 9:00
Bring your own punch!

_____________________________

**Those who rob Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
**A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have-Gerald Ford

(in reply to shunwick)
Post #: 17
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 11:34:45 PM   
rodney727


Posts: 1460
Joined: 7/12/2011
From: Iowa
Status: offline
Lol good one!
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Iowism:

You have two kahws. You need help figuring out which end of the animal the food goes into.



_____________________________

"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943

(in reply to Chickenboy)
Post #: 18
RE: You have two cows. - 2/22/2014 11:35:33 PM   
rodney727


Posts: 1460
Joined: 7/12/2011
From: Iowa
Status: offline
Lol this is the best one yet!
quote:

ORIGINAL: Terl

Existentialism:

Does it really matter if we have a cow or not have a cow?



_____________________________

"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943

(in reply to Terl)
Post #: 19
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 2:57:22 PM   
Gilmer


Posts: 1452
Joined: 7/1/2011
Status: offline
A Mongol Corporation
You have two cows
You make Kumiss
You get drunk.
You repeat this as often as necessary.

< Message edited by H Gilmer -- 2/25/2014 12:44:00 AM >


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"Venimus, vidimus, Deus vicit" John III Sobieski as he entered Vienna on 9/11/1683. "I came, I saw, God conquered."
He that has a mind to fight, let him fight, for now is the time. - Anacreon

(in reply to rodney727)
Post #: 20
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 6:10:25 PM   
warspite1


Posts: 41353
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline
Tottenham Hotspur Football Club

You have two cows
One is a good cow - you sell him but don't adequately replace him.
So now you have two rubbish cows.....

_____________________________

England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805



(in reply to Gilmer)
Post #: 21
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 7:01:25 PM   
Dili

 

Posts: 4708
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline
Pretty wrong series, obviously socialist biased. Even purposefully ignores that nazis and fascists are socialists... competitors in same socialist championship.



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Post #: 22
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 7:24:37 PM   
warspite1


Posts: 41353
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline
I think its supposed to be a bit of fun....

_____________________________

England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805



(in reply to Dili)
Post #: 23
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 7:37:30 PM   
Orm


Posts: 22154
Joined: 5/3/2008
From: Sweden
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: warspite1

I think its supposed to be a bit of fun....

Indeed.

If you do not like it then write a better variant.

_____________________________

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake. - Terry Pratchett

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 24
RE: You have two cows. - 2/23/2014 10:23:10 PM   
Yogi the Great


Posts: 1948
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
Is it time for a Cow Pie fight?

(in reply to Orm)
Post #: 25
RE: You have two cows. - 2/24/2014 12:32:22 AM   
Qwixt


Posts: 902
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
SOVIET RUSSIA
You have two cows.
Cow milks you.

(in reply to Yogi the Great)
Post #: 26
RE: You have two cows. - 2/24/2014 12:37:36 AM   
Missouri_Rebel


Posts: 3065
Joined: 6/19/2006
From: Southern Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Qwixt

SOVIET RUSSIA
You have two cows.
Cow milks you.



Hehe. Good one.

_____________________________

**Those who rob Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
**A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have-Gerald Ford

(in reply to Qwixt)
Post #: 27
RE: You have two cows. - 2/24/2014 11:58:57 AM   
Mobius


Posts: 10339
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: California
Status: offline
INTERNET
You have two virtual cows.
You put ads on them.
You sell them to Facebook for $19 billion.
You have two virtual cows.

< Message edited by Mobius -- 2/24/2014 12:59:39 PM >

(in reply to Missouri_Rebel)
Post #: 28
RE: You have two cows. - 2/24/2014 1:52:52 PM   
Otto von Blotto


Posts: 273
Joined: 7/18/2008
Status: offline
Nihilism
There are no cows.

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"Personal isn't the same as important"

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Post #: 29
RE: You have two cows. - 2/24/2014 1:52:57 PM   
Erik Rutins

 

Posts: 37503
Joined: 3/28/2000
From: Vermont, USA
Status: offline
Let's try to keep this on cow jokes and not politics.

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CEO, Matrix Games LLC




For official support, please use our Help Desk: http://www.matrixgames.com/helpdesk/

Freedom is not Free.

(in reply to Mobius)
Post #: 30
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