Argos
Posts: 130
Joined: 11/1/2010
From: Bozeman, MT
Status: offline
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OK Cap - slight hijack then for requested story. Sorry no lederhosen cutouts (Of Note though - a few of the upscale houses in the area were installing reinforced attachment points in the master bedrooms for 'hang glider harnesses', truly a thought provoking experience for young fire-fighters on their first walk-thrus for houses undergoing construction. Might want to suggest some HOA regs for those to the Fraulein to liven discussion at the next meeting)
Anyway I was a Battalion Chief with a fire department in Montana for a number of years. Calls for some reason come in groups and sometimes the group seems to be all bad; we had been on a run of bad calls and were just finishing up a bad summer fire season when we got paged to a mutual aid (another jurisdiction requesting help) for a structure fire that ended up getting rid of some stress.
Get to the address and its a cluster - no senior officers from the responsible dept, inexperienced crews for the most part, and equipment placement pretty much shot (once you part a truck and start running water from it its pretty much an act of god to get it moved).
The back story on where things started to go wrong is that when the initial units arrived the attractive 'lady of the house', who had apparently been showering when the smoke alarms went off, was standing on the front porch - starkers I think is how Lord Admiral Sprior would put it - screaming that the house was on fire, which was apparently pretty obvious. That's not all that unusual really, the thing that threw the other department off is that she steadfastly and repeatedly refused blankets, clothing, shelter, a dignified withdrawal, or anything approaching modesty cover for a significant period of time and insisted, until law enforcement corralled her, on being in the midst of the scene causing some loss of focus.
Somehow the fire gets knocked down with the distraction(s), and now we shift to salvage and overhaul I.E. Make sure the fire is really out and save/prevent damage to what you can. I was asked to assess structural stability and look for extension with a crew, do some hazard mitigation, etc so I went thru a couple bottles. This is significant as weather is hot, I start building up a bunch of body heat, and the humidity causes my mask to start fogging. While this is going on the Incident Commander speaks with homeowner about items of significance to retrieve and gets the usual type stuff - wedding ring on the counter in bathroom where she was showering, jewelry boxes, papers in lockbox, rifles in closet, pistols in master bedroom. Common in MT but you do have to check if the firearms have one in the pipe. Ammunition cooking off is pretty frequent and will startle you if its unexpected; we just get excited about it potentially cooking off in the barrel, that will quickly cause a dramatic change of strategy)
Well the crews have found the wedding ring (which is damn good work) and the long guns but no sign of the 44 caliber pistol so I am asked to take my guys in (an LT, an experienced FF and a probie (new guy)) to look for the pistol. I am relayed a very specific location, from the homeowner thru the Incident Commander, to look for it- master bedroom, this dresser, this drawer, this side, and to keep an eye out for another rifle that may or may not be in the closet. In we go, its hot, house is pretty torn up, visibility is good except for my damn fogging mask, and we make it into the master; this is all routine until the LT and probie make a find in the closet. Finding personal items/porn isn't unusual, the incredible volume of it in this closet was, it was literally stacked so high it had collapse potential. The LT isn't a prude by any stretch but he is fairly revolted by the specialty types of mags and videos.
So ok we found some nasty porn, back to work - LT check bedside table, probie finish checking closet, I will get pistol since i have detailed location and we are out of here.
Searching dressers or anything for that matter isn't a fine art - you are in full turnouts, full gloves (needles, knives, heat, drugs etc), and restricted visibility with me a bad case as I was fogging up. So even though I cant see I can pull the drawer out of dresser, put it on the bed, run a sweep with hands and find the pistol grip right where its supposed to be by touch. Turn to the guys and say 'ok, I got it. lets go'. The LT says very politely 'No I dont think you do, you might want to take a closer look'. I can't see much of anything so I put the pistol up to my faceplate and try and figure out why he thinks I don't have the correct item. At this point the probie starts choking, which causes me some concern (did he snag his mask, did he puke in his mask and have trouble clearing it, medical condition???). He recovers quickly and the experienced FF says 'No way is that a 44 - it looks bigger'. I try to take another close look and this starts the probie choking again.
For the slower readers who are still with me and all the Japanese fanboys following along it should be very clear that I was not holding a pistol up to my faceplate but instead a very large, impolite, and downright nasty looking 'marital aid'. I didn't clue in till it actually turned on almost in time when the second round of choking/gasping from the probie started - My expression must have been priceless shifting from puzzlement to realization, the internal dialogue was something like 'Hey wait a minute, pistols don't vibrate like this....ohhhhh'
Crew focus was gone, and discipline was teetering as I removed the now chattering device from next to my face and threw it back in the drawer. Discipline exited and I lost the crew when the other devices in the drawer started activating, merrily buzzing, rattling, chattering or humming away as each newly stimulated device added its voice to the chorus. Now my problem is I am pissed, and I have a disabled crew to get out of the building ASAP as they are sucking thru air and I have to get them to rehab without press/homeowners seeing/filming a bunch of firefighters laughing hysterically exiting from somebody's burned out home.
The end of it was fine, there never was a pistol - the lady of the house apparently wanted someone to find her toys. That crew did became my go to group for hose testing (a not fun annual task) for the next month or so for being so kind as to repeatedly request I 'take a closer look'. They each did get a gift certificate from me to Adam and Eve online at the annual fire awards banquet - and I of course was presented with a custom plaque (with nasty looking device attached) from them with a new qualification - MARS (Marital Aid Rescue Specialist) and ongoing grief to 'take a closer look' whenever anyone gets the chance.
< Message edited by Argos -- 8/23/2012 10:29:36 PM >
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RE: Hearts and Minds - 
must be something edible ... 
RE: Hearts and Minds - 
The Toshiba guys are working on it. It's gonna be ready in 26 hrs. 
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