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RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:17:50 AM   
riley555a


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline 		Agreed. Well I gotta log'er. Hope I was able to help in some way. Take care Marky.

< Message edited by riley555 -- 7/29/2005 8:18:10 AM >

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Post #: 31
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:19:28 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		thanx riley

thanx 2 every1

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Post #: 32
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:19:39 AM   
jwilkerson


Posts: 10525
Joined: 9/15/2002
From: Kansas
Status: offline 		The will not put him in a mental hospital - such places do exist - but 99.999% percent of mental health patients never get near one. This is not even an option in his case - he is obviously luicid and very aware of what is happening and very mature about it - I guess "laymen" still have concept that if you see a psychiatrist you must be crazy - but that is absolutely not the case - my wife doesn't see "crazy" people .. she sees people who have either temporary or ( in rare cases ) permanent symptoms which impact their ability to function to their fullest capacity on a daily basis. Her job is to help improve their functioning. I don't think my wife ( in 10 years of practricing ) has ever sent anyone to a "mental hospital". Drugs and therapy are the treatments used.



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Post #: 33
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:22:05 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		o

ne1 wanna start a PBEM with me?

i prefer allies of course

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Post #: 34
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:27:28 AM   
jwilkerson


Posts: 10525
Joined: 9/15/2002
From: Kansas
Status: offline 		Maybe tomorrow - but getting late tonight - get some sleep and I'm sure we can find you an opponent tomorrow !



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Post #: 35
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:29:05 AM   
wworld7


Posts: 1727
Joined: 2/25/2003
From: The Nutmeg State
Status: offline 		Marky,

You are WRONG if you blame yourself for another's actions. You can ONLY control yourself. You CANNOT control anyone else. There is no if, and or but (even if you think there should be).

Move on, for this is not your problem.

Flipper

(in reply to marky)
Post #: 36
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:32:02 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		of course tomorow ya putz

its like 1

o i looked up PUTZ on dictionary.com and its not only slang for idiot and fool but slang for....

PENIS!

all u conservative censorship types and MPAA in particular?

DEAL WITH IT!

hey at lleast i got a laff or too eh

o damit now my back is going nuts

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Post #: 37
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:32:41 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		ill try flipper, ill try

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Post #: 38
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:37:59 AM   
Sharkosaurus rex


Posts: 467
Joined: 10/19/2004
From: under the waves
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about your pain Marky. I remember reading your other messages too.

Life can be a tough ride you all of us. We all need help when we go through times of depression. Look at all the divorces that happen now. All these people are hurting too, and their families. Single people in relationships hurt as well. But that doesn't mean you have to stop. You need to spend some time thinking of ways to overcome this painful time. There are lots of services that can help. Not just 911 or mental-hospital. I'm sure over 90% of cases like yours (and other people who are hurting) would be solved in your own home and time. There are heaps of volunteer and professional centres that can help. I can't give you their phone numbers because I don't live in your country. But there should be many easy to find HELP LINES. Some are religious based, but most aren't- depending on your needs. You NEED to look them up in the phone book and contact one. You can be anonymous if you want to be. They can help you cope and make you feel better for yourself. Don't feel embarrassed. Don't feel you are the only one. We all need help. And if a friend of yours goes through similar you can help them.

Even if you are unsure of a place to ring, you could phone the police or your doctor and they could give you some phone numbers for your area.

You HAVE to make some phone calls to get some help. DON"T feel embarassed. You feel angry and confused now because you haven't received the right help yet. I'm certain you can feel better again. You have to make the first phone call. And they will help you in ways that have helped other people.

MAKE THE PHONE CALL

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Post #: 39
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:42:10 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		im not embarrassed in any way

its jus all that and the damage im worried itll do to any future i have

ill find sumthing



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Post #: 40
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:45:46 AM   
Sharkosaurus rex


Posts: 467
Joined: 10/19/2004
From: under the waves
Status: offline 		Why are you still on the computer? You should be in the phone book looking up names. You can/could get through by your self. yes yes yes. But it would be easier and quicker to have someone else help. There are heaps of volunteers help lines. It will cost a phone call............. Just try it once and see how much they can do for you.

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Post #: 41
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:47:38 AM   
Sharkosaurus rex


Posts: 467
Joined: 10/19/2004
From: under the waves
Status: offline 		I'm sure these people can help you. And they will do it so you don't have to worry about hurting yourself or being a lonely computer wargamer for the next 50 years

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Post #: 42
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 8:49:15 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		i will sharky

but for right now i jus wanna take sum of this out on the imperial navy and then try and sleep

ill look em up tomorow

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Post #: 43
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 9:01:59 AM   
Sharkosaurus rex


Posts: 467
Joined: 10/19/2004
From: under the waves
Status: offline 		Well you have been blowing up carriers for the last five months. And it hasn't helped. I would make the call right now. Tonight could be your best night's sleep for ages. And you'll feel even better tomorrow. Knowing that people do care and there is lots of the right sort of help. But they can't help you until you phone them.

If you phone them now, we'll all be reading tomorrow how much better you are feeling.

< Message edited by Sharkosaurus rex -- 7/29/2005 9:02:07 AM >

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Post #: 44
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 9:05:29 AM   
Mike Scholl

 

Posts: 9349
Joined: 1/1/2003
From: Kansas City, MO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

but i am responsible

i knew a lomng time ago she needed therapy for things

i didnt force her to get therapy

and it all led here

its my fault


NO! Don't buy in to that barrel of crap! You are responsible for YOU..., but you can not let yourself be held accountable for the stupidity of others. You can offer help and support, but THEY will have to make their own choices in the end. You are allowing yourself to buy into a bunch of American Lawyer's BullShit.
This garbage that nobody is responsible for their own actions, that "Twinkies" or "the Dog" or "too much violence on TV" made me do it ..., BULL!

YOU can't FORCE her to get [helpfull] therapy..., she has to WANT to help herself first. Obviously she doesn't. You want something to blame yourself for? You provided a support system for her activities by ignoring or putting up with them so long. You were a Dummy and allowed youself to be used. Beat yourself up over that, but not over her actions. SHE is her responsibility..., YOU are yours.

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Post #: 45
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 9:13:43 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mike Scholl


quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

but i am responsible

i knew a lomng time ago she needed therapy for things

i didnt force her to get therapy

and it all led here

its my fault


NO! Don't buy in to that barrel of crap! You are responsible for YOU..., but you can not let yourself be held accountable for the stupidity of others. You can offer help and support, but THEY will have to make their own choices in the end. You are allowing yourself to buy into a bunch of American Lawyer's BullShit.
This garbage that nobody is responsible for their own actions, that "Twinkies" or "the Dog" or "too much violence on TV" made me do it ..., BULL!

YOU can't FORCE her to get [helpfull] therapy..., she has to WANT to help herself first. Obviously she doesn't. You want something to blame yourself for? You provided a support system for her activities by ignoring or putting up with them so long. You were a Dummy and allowed youself to be used. Beat yourself up over that, but not over her actions. SHE is her responsibility..., YOU are yours.


i guess so

but its easier to say than believe it urself of course

i did make a promise to myself that id never be so forgiving again


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Post #: 46
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 9:14:46 AM   
marky


Posts: 5780
Joined: 3/8/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		or maybe instead of blowing sum carriers out of the water ill play MOH Pacific Assault

smak sum japs faces with the butt of my rifle

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Post #: 47
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 9:32:36 AM   
Charles2222


Posts: 3993
Joined: 3/12/2001
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marky

ive tried, ive really tried, but it always cums bak stronger and hits me even harder

i jus dont know how to fight it anymore


I had a crushing experience for me back on 3/8/95-3/9/95. On 3/10/95 that all disappeared. How? Well, the circumstances that brought it on, didn't change in the least. What did I do? I called on Lord Jesus to comfort the sorrowed as He said He would. I had nowhere else to turn. It took two days, but the relief set me on fire when I woke up the morning of the 10th and as a happy by-product it convinced me that God exists if ever there were any doubt (and that He loves me. I'm not sure why in many ways I didn't think He did, before that). There's no therapist that measures up the One who made the therapists! I can't say that over the course of time that God might not want you to go to a therapist, but I can say I don't know a therapist who has all that power and 'care' He has. Beyond the problem that occurred to me back then, which lingers on today as a matter of fact, though not directly, I've dealt with it through oftentimes slow consultation of God (unlike getting that prayer answered in two days). Part of the problem with becoming so out of sorts with some form of loss, is that we become too attached to what we have, thus revealed by the high sense of loss.

I know, for myself, I examined whether or not marriage was really a very feasible thing. It was clear that a great deal of my upsets were wearying me over that very subject, so I decided to try on another hat and see how it fits (the loss I spoke of wasn't a love loss at all). I'm putting on the celibate, or single role if you will, and I can say I'm much happier and far more controlled for it. Now maybe in a few years that will change, though I think it unlikely, but for now my main relationship is with God, and it has sufficed to get me through living the last 16 years alone. Some people are meant to be single, others are not.

It seems as though most people (not necessarily a lot of wisdom to be found there) think that marriage was a lot tougher than they thought it was going to be, while I can say that living alone is far, far easier than I thought it was going to be. Of course, technically, I'm not living alone, because I have God alongside me, but for those who don't believe, for those who pay little or no attention to Him, I guess living alone could be quite a dreadful thing. Don't automatically think that you "have to be married" as I once did.

Pray with a penitential humble heart, for comfort for your sorrow. I will say a little prayer for your comfort there too.

I don't know if there's anything more you can do on your own, but I do know there was nothing else I could do, and a lot of times the best solution to a problem is to leave it in God's hands and react as He would have you. When you're so convinced that you have to come up with a solution, in a certain time period and other such nonsense, then it's very easy to stand in the way of letting God work it out and/or work it with you. I've seen very many instances of Divine Providence working out in my life since 1995, to put very much weight behind some puny idea I had. It's really dangerous to have the right solution at the wrong time, and so therefore sometimes a delay has to set in (if we will just let it), and things have to develope such that it can be understood properly.

BTW, I add that after that great experience I had with Our Lord, He told me to do a few things (not vocally) and I did them. I think that's very important to do, if in fact there are any, simply because it does show some ingratitude, to not be open to His advice thereafter.

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Post #: 48
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 10:58:05 AM   
rockmedic109

 

Posts: 2390
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Citrus Heights, CA
Status: offline 		Marky

My name is Steve. I am a Paramedic and actually am working on an ambulance as I write this....I guess I am 911.

Seeking help is not a trip to some mental hospital. Unless someone is a danger to themself or others or is unable to care for themself, they are not taken to a psychiatric facility. If one of the above is the case, then a legal hold is placed and after being medically cleared, the individual is brought to a facility for 72 hours where they will receive treatment and help to get them through the crisis. Once treated and able to cope and take care of themself, they are released.

From what I've read, you are someone who is able to take care of himself, is rational, able to think clearly about the consequences of the actions of himself and others. Counseling might help. Calling your personal physician and talking to them might help. They might be able to prescribe something to help you through the tough times you are facing. Unless you want to hurt yourself or somebody else, I'd doubt you will ever see or need to see the inside of a psychiatric facility. Nor should there be any fear of one if you do have the need. It is more like a school dormitory than a hospital. You don't see hospital gowns and ex-NFL nose tackles holding people down. They look more like hotel.

As for Child Protective Services, they may be limited in what they can do. You can call them, and perhaps you should. But do not expect much and do not expect to be kept informed of anything. Taking a child from somebody is very difficult as it should be. It usually requires a pattern of abuse or neglect to get any action.

You do not have the power to change anybody else. You cannot force someone to get help. All you can do is offer it to them. They turn it down and it's on them. You did your part...you made the offer.

I am sorry for your pain. But you can get through this. It will get easier. It takes time to heal from emotional pain. It may take some help. Or maybe the help just may make it easier.

I hope things get better soon.

Steve


< Message edited by rockmedic109 -- 7/29/2005 11:00:02 AM >

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Post #: 49
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 11:20:35 AM   
riley555a


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline 		Lol if you think you've got it bad come work scaffolding for a month. The money is great but some of the journeymen you get paired with are COMPLETE a$$holes. Some of them are so bad they don't care at all if you die. If you die or get severely ill from H2S or chlorine gas in a vessel it's just "Oh stupid rookie" and they move on. Nobody cares or watches your a$$ or even helps. Unfortunetly I have to stay with this, because it's the only job I can do right now without college that pays good. Looks like marky isn't the only one who should go into therapy.

By the way I wouldn't recommend taking drugs. You just need some therapy and someone to talk to. Drugs usually cause more problems than they treat. Sometimes you end up taking numerous amounts of drugs just to deal with the symptoms and side effects of the other ones. In general, they're just not good for your body though they may stabilize you in some way. But you shouldn't be dependant on them. Because if you are then you'll need them and without them you won't be able to cope, that's not right. THey're also expensive. Drugs are baaaad mmmmm'kay, and should only be used as a last resort. There's natural ways to treat depression without drugs (Therapy should be enough for you). That reminds me... there's a natural remedy for cancer. It cured my uncles cancer. It's called "Essiac". It's a tea. Just a few 100% natural herbs mixed together. He took it for 2 months and completely stunned his doctor when his cancer "mysteriously vanished".

Oh rockmedic109 i'm gonna quote something you said "Taking a child from somebody is very difficult as it should be. It usually requires a pattern of abuse or neglect to get any action." The girl he's talking about is pregnant and she's drinking and smoking alot. Does that qualify as abuse and neglect on a child by social services?

You can change a person, but not by forcing them to do something.

< Message edited by riley555 -- 7/29/2005 11:42:33 AM >

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Post #: 50
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 1:01:52 PM   
Charles2222


Posts: 3993
Joined: 3/12/2001
Status: offline 		Yeah, my Mom takes a lot of drugs, maybe 20 pills a day (some for depression, some for nerves, etc.). I'm sort of the other end of the table though, as when I take a drug, I just about won't ever take full dose. I always depend on half dose and sleep to try to kick out whatever I might come up with (usually allergies).

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Post #: 51
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 2:35:39 PM   
rockmedic109

 

Posts: 2390
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Citrus Heights, CA
Status: offline 		Does it qualify as abuse or neglect? I would hope so. But in some areas CPS is so overworked they have to prioritize which cases they put their resources into. Not sure how high a priority that would be. I have only heard of one case in my area where CPS was involved prior to the birth of the child....and that was when the parents were both developmentally disabled and had proven their inability to care for kids {from prior children that had been removed}.

Personally, I believe that anyone who smokes, drinks or does drugs while pregnant is guilty of Child Endangerment or Attempted Murder. Larger metropolitan areas might not have the resources to investigate everything they would like to.

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Post #: 52
RE: need advice BAD - 7/29/2005 6:07:12 PM   
BaitBoy

 

Posts: 227
Joined: 8/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: riley555

Yeah. Even if they did put you into a mental hospital. It won't be as bad as you think. It's not the horrible place you see in movies. It's just therapy really. If you do need to go to one I guarantee you, 1000% you'll come out feeling absolutely great and thinking "I'm glad I went there!". They're not gonna chain you to a bed and pump you full of drugs for months unend.

I knew a guy I went to school with who went insane and tried to kill himself. He ran around the neighbourhood screaming and cutting himself and then he ran out in front of the railroad tracks waiting for the train to hit him.

He got checked into a mental institution. They didn't tie him to a bed and pump him full of drugs 24/7. It didn't ruin his life or anything like that. He came out a stable and very happy man. Right now he's married to the woman he loves and runs a GM dealership. He's a good guy to, whenever you see him, no matter who you are he's full of the most sincere happiness and friendship.

Whether you go to one or just go to a therapist whenever. It feels soooooo good to let go of all that sh*t. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with "checking in" and it's totally confidential if you're insecure. It'll release the bad and bring out the happiness in you.

I didn't go for help for a really long time. It just kept building up and getting worse and worse. Until it started causing health problems. I was in the worst mental state. My brain wasn't working right at all. I can't possibly describe it, it's like trying to explain a bad acid trip. But i was basically in another dimension, my brain and the way it took in info was completely scrambled and backwards. I thought I had a brain tumor. It made me more and more depressed and manifested itself. Turns out it was just major stress and depression.




I have to agree with riley55. Don't be afraid of the cure, it is not as bad as you fear it is. If you don't want to go to the ER, than talk to your primary care doctor, they are trained to help in cases like yours. You are not responsible for the gf's actions, only your own. I know it may not look like it now, but things will get better.

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Post #: 53
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 6:19:19 AM   
Jim D Burns


Posts: 4013
Joined: 2/25/2002
From: Salida, CA.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockmedic109
Personally, I believe that anyone who smokes, drinks or does drugs while pregnant is guilty of Child Endangerment or Attempted Murder. Larger metropolitan areas might not have the resources to investigate everything they would like to.


I'm a retired Police Officer and I can say no it will not and does not qualify as an actionable abuse case. Alcohol and drugs are a danger to the child of course, but because there is not a guarantee of "provable" damage being done to the child in 100% of these cases, there is no criminal law on the books that can be cited in this case to take any legal action.

You can report the case of course and start a paper trail, but I'm going to be a little tough on you here Marky as I think it is perhaps needed. I do agree with everyone here that you should seek counseling to get through this crisis, but as to your ex, you're wrong and out of line.

You are obviously trying to remain in her life any way you can and as she has utterly rejected you, you are left with no recourse now except to strike out at her. It's all you have left to keep yourself involved with her and you are obviously headed down that path. STOP! I have seen far too many cases like this and many ultimately lead to violence in the end.

Marky you have to let her go and exercise yourself from her life. Put her behind you and move on before it's too late. Seek counseling ASAP as it is apparent that is what’s needed for you to get beyond this. But even if you don't, get out of her life NOW and allow others to look out for the welfare of her child. She will inevitably either clean herself up or lose her child in the end, but that is not your responsibility and it is wrong for you to try and make it so.

The path you’ve chosen to take will inevitably lead to more and more frustration for you. Stop yourself now and seek counseling as soon as you can.

Jim



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Post #: 54
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 8:00:59 AM   
riley555a


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jim D Burns


quote:

ORIGINAL: rockmedic109
Personally, I believe that anyone who smokes, drinks or does drugs while pregnant is guilty of Child Endangerment or Attempted Murder. Larger metropolitan areas might not have the resources to investigate everything they would like to.


I'm a retired Police Officer and I can say no it will not and does not qualify as an actionable abuse case. Alcohol and drugs are a danger to the child of course, but because there is not a guarantee of "provable" damage being done to the child in 100% of these cases, there is no criminal law on the books that can be cited in this case to take any legal action.


Figures. How weak.

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Post #: 55
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 8:30:42 AM   
Crimguy


Posts: 1409
Joined: 8/15/2003
From: Cave Creek, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: riley555

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jim D Burns


quote:

ORIGINAL: rockmedic109
Personally, I believe that anyone who smokes, drinks or does drugs while pregnant is guilty of Child Endangerment or Attempted Murder. Larger metropolitan areas might not have the resources to investigate everything they would like to.


I'm a retired Police Officer and I can say no it will not and does not qualify as an actionable abuse case. Alcohol and drugs are a danger to the child of course, but because there is not a guarantee of "provable" damage being done to the child in 100% of these cases, there is no criminal law on the books that can be cited in this case to take any legal action.


Figures. How weak.


The criminal situation is true - I'm a criminal defense attorney. However, I used to be a prosecutor in CPS cases in New York City. You can get a case for neglect of the child if the child has a positive toxicology for drugswhen born. That's common in the Bronx. Here in Phoenix, however, it would not happen. And it is not a criminal issue, it's civil.

I really think, for your own sake, you need to wash your hands of the situation. Flush it out of your head. Take a break from that nonsense. There's some great fishing out in Wisconsin - go take a trip for yourself and get some fresh air, and put the daily bs behind you.

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Post #: 56
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 2:01:27 PM   
eltaco

 

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2002
Status: offline 		H i Marky

Well hang in there mate...You say were trying to do right thing being virgin etc... wait till get married etc... so sounds like god is in you ,and you know this. You know whats right and wrong,So dont second guess yourself ,your not a fool. She will get her dues intime let god handle that and not you. You will find later in time ..things that are done wrong to us somehow are good for us in a way but we just cannot see past that ,thats wher ur faith is being tested now.. So dont say foolish things about taking your life ,then all the things that you were doing "right" will be for no reason.

As far as cheating etc....you can read endless lists from countries and allstories ...go on some chat sites and chat to people you wouldnt believe it!.I was engaged for 9yrs
had a child after 2yrs, I stayed did al lthe right things ,and my ex stalled the weddingfor yrs, then 5tmths to get married she cheated with her boss ,,,and that was end of that...iam sure everyone has some kind of story ,parentys ,sex,lies,cheating,drugs,etc..

Dont play mind games with yourself about playing games ,etc...i did the same thing its a excuse for them ,,,if someone loves you they "dont cheat" "period" so that tells you she didnt ,dont fool yourself .....you can do same exact style of living with someone else the next 9 girls same problem and the 10th girl get along great and have no problem. you wont ever find a perfect person or them ,that is our sin ,our own weakness .Put god as your love first and the rest will come ,and if it doesnt thats ok too. lets here back from you....Joseph

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Post #: 57
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 3:44:54 PM   
Titanwarrior89


Posts: 3283
Joined: 8/28/2003
From: arkansas
Status: offline 		Welcome too the World of Women. They are as good as men or as bad as men. Some times I like too think of them as men without weeners.

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"Mama, There's Rabbits in the Garden"

(in reply to marky)
Post #: 58
RE: need advice BAD - 7/30/2005 4:45:25 PM   
Erik Rutins

 

Posts: 37503
Joined: 3/28/2000
From: Vermont, USA
Status: offline 		Ok, I hope things turn out well for you Marky, but I'm going to have to lock this one up. Please feel free to carry on discussing by e-mail or PM, but this forum is really not the place for this.

Regards,

- Erik

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Erik Rutins
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(in reply to Titanwarrior89)
Post #: 59
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