Cap Mandrake -> Rendezvous (3/10/2007 7:41:42 PM)
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************Radio Room, USAAF aerodrome, Auckland, May 18, 1942******* <Yossarian hands over a case of Dewar's> Yossarian:Here. Compliments of Milo. What did you say your name was, son? Radio Operator: Sparks, sir. Yossarian:No, I mean your real name. All radio operators are named sparks. Radio Operator: Yes, sir, Sparks, sir. Yossarian: No, no, I know everyone here calls you Sparks, but what did your mother call you, son? Radio Operator: Oh, she is still alive, sir. She has a bit of the rheumatism, but she is still kickin'. Yossarian: <rubs temples> Very well, what does your mother call you? Radio Operator: Mostly, she just calls me "son', sir. Yossarian: Right, but I mean when she is mad at you, what does she call you then? Radio Operator: Well, sir, she almost never is mad at me. Now my brother. She is mad at him all the time. One time... Yossarian: Look. Pretend, for the sake of discussion she was..I mean is mad at you. What would she call you to get your attention? Radio Operator: Ah, she would call me 'Junior', sir. Yossarian:<closes eyes, takes off cap and rubs scalp> OK. What does your mom call your dad, son? Radio Operator: She doesn't, sir. Yossarian: What do you mean she doesn't? Radio Operator: She doesn't. He's in jail sir. Sometimes she does say things like 'your bastard father', so, even though she doesn't say that to his face, I guess she calls him 'bastard'. Yossarian: <makes moaning sound> Look. How about this? Does your dad have any relatives still alive that aren't in jail? Radio Operator:Oh, yes sir. There is his cousin Ellie and his Aunti Em and... Yossarian: Fantastic! Now, if they were to visit him in jail, what would they call him? Radio Operator: Oh, 'senior", sir. They just call him 'senior'. Yossarian: <pauses> Very well, what did your dad's mom call him when he was a.... Radio Operator:Oh, she is still.... Yossarian: STOP! STOP! STOP! Forget I asked. Does your dad have a birth certificate? Radio Operator: Well, yes, I do believe he may. Yossarian: Great! Now, I want you to think very carefully. What do you think would be the first name on his birth certificate? Radio Operator:Why, 'Sparks', sir. Just like me. That's why my mom calls me 'Junior', don't you know. Yossarian:Do you mean to tell me your name really is Sparks? Radio Operator: Yes, sir. Funny, eh? My drill instructor at Fort Dix didn't think it was too funny though. I wanted to be in the Infantry but he told me, "OK Sparks", he said "Sparks" real slow like, "OK Sparks", he said, "you smartass, you wan't to be a radio jockey so God Damned bad get out of my God Damned platoon". He said "God Damned" just like that sir. I don't beleive he was the church going type, sir. Yossarian: I imagine you're right, but I can understand his sentiments as well. Look, Cpl., this has been a lovely chat, but I do need to send along Milo's message. Radio Operator:Yes, sir. Thank you sir. And the message? Yossarian: <reaches into pocket> Right. Radio Operator: <begins keying> R-I-G-H-T Yossarian:No, no, not yet! Radio Operator: N-O-N-O-N-O-T-Y-E-T Yossarian: STOP! Radio Operator:S-T- Yossarian:<reaches over the counter and grabs the key> No, no, no. Cpl., I haven't started reading the message yet. Radio Operator: Ah, sorry sir. Yossarian: Look, when I am ready, I will say meassage follows then you start keying, understood? Radio Operator:Yes sir. When you say "meassage follows then you start keying, understood", that's when I start transmitting. Yossarian:No, no, no! When I say "message follows', period! Radio Operator: "message follows, period". Roger that, sir. Yossarian: No, no, no. You start transmitting when you hear these two words...."message follows"...<raises eyebrows to indicate inquiry> Radio Operator: Roger that, sir. "message follows" Yossarian: Fantastic! MESSAGE FOLLOWS...<so far so good, but still not certain, Yossarian asks> Ready? Radio Operator:R-E-A Yossarian: No, no, no! <reaches over again> How about this? When I take my hand away you keep transmitting until I say "end message". Is that clear? Radio Operator:Crystal clear, sir. <smiles broadly at his pun> Yossarian:<pulls hand away and is gratified that Sparks waits exactly as planned. He is so excited he exclaims> There! Radio Operator:T-H-E-R-E Yossarian: Ahh! Radio Operator: A-H-H Yossarian: <shakes head then begins reading> Ito-san; New rendezvous at SE tip Rennel Island with M&M Clipper 18:00, May 18. Prenty Gord Milo <Yossarian ponders as Sparks keys the message and thinks to himself, "How will we know if he doesn't get the message"? He continues> Please respond if message not receieved. End message.
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