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cantona2 -> RE: The Ark Royal Girl (7/12/2007 11:34:39 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
*********Operations Room, beneath Admiralty HQ, London, August 21, 1942*******
First Sea Lord, Sir Dudley Pound surveys a huge map of the North Atlantic and Mediterranean from an elevated chair. He works is way through a stack of papers to be signed. An assistant approaches with a telephone.
Assistant: Sir, it's Lady Pound.
Sir Dudley: <takes phone> Hello dear. What is the matter?
Lady Pound: Dudley, I am glad I caught you. I just received some frightful news from Elizabeth. It seems......
<Sir Dudley feels his attention waning. He is instead drawn to the wooden model of Ark Royal. She is escorting a large convoy toward Gibraltar where the German submarine threat will rise. A young woman who, curiously, is the replacement for Yossarians's "girlfriend" (you know, the one he was never with in the "Bibilical sense"..that one), stands at attention near the map table, one hand pressing a headphone to her ear. Her uniform is perfectly pressed and her hair neatly tucked under her cap. In the other hand, she grasps a long stick shaped like a pool bridge. At some signal over the headphone she leans forward to reposition the Ark Royal convoy. Gibraltar is nearly in the center of the map so it requires an athletic move on her part.>
......Dudley, are you listening?
Sir Dudley: Yes dear.
Lady Pound: Did you not hear me then? It's your nephew, Reginald. He has gone missing in the Indian Ocean. Elizabeth said something about a "catastrophic canopy failure during inverted flight,whatever that means. <at the precise instant that Lady pound is finishing her news, the Ark Royal Girl leans forward pushing Ark Royal toward Gibraltar with the pool bridge and lifting her opposite leg for balance. They are no ordinary legs. They are long and young and tan and lovely. As she strains forward it occurs to Sir Dudley there is room to pass a snifter of Dramabuie between them. For an ephemera, he catches a glance of her undergarments and the unmistakable Union Jack>
Sir Dudley: <a part of his brain he shares with crocodiles and pit vipers forces him to draw in his breath, followed quickly by a groaning sound> Uhhhhhhhahhah
Lady Pound: <moved by the old Admiral's reaction> Oh, I am so sorry dear.
Sir Dudley: "Neocortex on the bridge. Wake up you fool!" <it is his brain's higher centers trying to reassert conrol...it works, thanks, in no small part to the return of the Ark Royal Girl's leg to terra firma> Oh, oh, yes dear. Thank you for your support. Terrible thing it is. Please get some kind of sympathy message to Elizabeth from me and spar no expense.
Lady Pound: I will Dudley. Some lillies perhaps.
Sir Dudley: That would be lovely....Oh dear, don't wait dinner for me tonight. Somethings come up with the Ark Royal Girl..er...I mean the Old Girl Ark Royal.....
Hey Hey my Rock gets a mention, well done Captain Mandake, deserves a promotion to Admiral [:D]
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