The wet spot (Full Version)

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Cap Mandrake -> The wet spot (1/9/2009 6:48:11 PM)

***********SPCA Official Tent, Kai Island, 06;30, April 16, 1943*********


The Skipper rolls to his right as a sliver of sunlight peaks through the tent flap. He perceives an odd wetness under his faux-wool blanket. He lifts the fine hemp fabric. An otherwordly scream pierces the camp. It does not stop until the Skipper is out of breath, then, in the briefest of moments it begins again.


On the cot next to him lies the severed head of his favorte Greater Snatch, eyes wide open in mortal terror....an 8 inch patch of red stains the sheet...........



Cap Mandrake -> RE: Longboat Search Committee (1/9/2009 6:49:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: witpqs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Perhaps an ice carving of a longboat? Good idea.


Oooooo, how about we rig the ice sculpture with a tube from underneath attached to a hole drilled through. At the signal a few ounces of hi-octane pumps up and out the top of the mast and ignites...



Bacardi 151 with nitrous oxide?



Cap Mandrake -> Kiska payback (1/9/2009 7:17:06 PM)

******************08:40, April 13, 1943, Jap-controlled airfield, Kiska**********


The Amchitka strike package <is or are> first to arrive. Eight Kittyhawks and 15 Corsairs confront a total of 29 Jacks and Tonys. Almost half the Marine TBF squadron have turned back. Apparently they lacked the "proper motivation" or had some "techincal problem" [;)]

In their first dogfight in WWII(b) the Corsairs do very well. Together with the Kittyhawks they down 10 Jap fighters to the loss of 4 Kittyhawks. The Avengers destroy 2 planes on the ground but two are lost to flak.

Next in is the package from Adak. 20 P-38's now tangle with the depleted Jap CAP, losing 1 but claiming 12 downed. 46 Allied medium and heavy bombers attack in good order, destroying ca. 10 Jap bombers on the ground but damaging many more. One B-24 is lost to flak.

No Jap antishipping attacks are seen on the 14th. Payback. [;)]



Cap Mandrake -> Damage control party (1/10/2009 5:29:01 PM)

*********D Ring, Pentagon, April 15, 1943*********

Adm. King: Any news on Lamont?

Cpt X: No sign of him yet, sir, but a search party recovered his wallet. Weather conditions are poor and the divers can't get to the ship.

Adm. King: Wallet, you say?

Cpt X: Yes...and it had an unused condom in it. Must have been there for a while as there was a circular wear mark on the wallet.

Adm. King: Amorous son of a bitch, eh?

Cpt X: Apparently, sir. Word is he used to party with Grover Cleveland.

Adm. King: Ah, Cleveland, well that would explain it then. Look, I don't want this getting out. Do you hear me? I'm thinking accident at sea or something.

Cpt X: Yes sir.

Adm. King: And what about the other vessels in the TF?

Cpt X: <looks at notes> Umm...AK Geroge S. Boutwell, very heavily damaged, she cannot make headway and will have to be towed but there is a risk of foundering if she is towed to Adak.

Adm. King: <a worried look comes over his face> Uh, oh. George S. Boutwell. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Cpt X: Yes sir, I looked it up. Sec. of the Treasury under Grant.

Adm. King: Ah, Grant. I think we are safe then. Any others?

Cpt X: Yes sir, USS Frederick J. Turner, heavily damaged, will also need a tow but can likely make Adak.

Adm. King: And Turner?

Cpt X: Historian of the American West, sir. PhD, Johns Hopkins 1890.

Adm. King: 1890? We may have some exposure there. I want to know all possible US Navy ride-along casulaties in the last 6 months. Find out pronto. I don't want that little ***** Truman finding out, either.



Cap Mandrake -> Unspeakable evil (1/10/2009 5:53:09 PM)

...SPCA HQ, Kai Island..

[image]local://upfiles/7983/EBE7AC166D3941E3AA0F4446940ADDD9.jpg[/image]



BrucePowers -> RE: Global Cooling Confirmed! (1/10/2009 6:00:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

OT..if anyone here gave my email address to AARP you are in SERIOUS trouble. I'm not kidding, either.


They sent me real United States Postal Service paper mail, not email. I am still getting it too[sm=nono.gif]



rtrapasso -> RE: Unspeakable evil (1/10/2009 7:22:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

...SPCA HQ, Kai Island..

[image]local://upfiles/7983/EBE7AC166D3941E3AA0F4446940ADDD9.jpg[/image]


The blood stain looks suspiciously like the southern portion of Italy and part of Sicily... no doubt a little stylistic flourish from Col. Corleone! [X(] [:D]



Cap Mandrake -> Burma/Siam (1/10/2009 7:43:21 PM)

*****SITREP, CBI, April 16, 1943******

Kra Peninsula: 12th Army, now comprised of 6 Indian Divisions, 29 and 251 British Inf., 22nd and 27th Australian Inf. and an armoured regt. (3rd Aus. Armoured with 54 Stuart I's) laid on a big attack on the Jap blocking forces on the Kra Peninsula, pushing them back toward Bandou 50 miles and opening the road toward Bangkok. The now veteran 5th and 25th Indian Div along with 251 British and 22nd Aus. Inf. will form the newly reconstituted Malaya Army which will push down into Malaya perhaps as far as Songkla in order to bring Palembang within range of the B-24's and threaten Singapore. The cadre of the Malaya Army (and Aus. 22nd Brig) were evacuated from Singapore and then Sumatra WAAAY WAAY back in WWII(b) prehistory. That makes it ironic they will be heading back to Malaya. [:)] Sadly, however, Malaya Army is still without a single valet as they were all left behind in Singers. [:(] Somebody really should make them a memorial or find out if they are in a Jap POW camp somewhere.

The remainder (12th Army) will relieve 44th Indian Brig. and 255th Ind. Armoured which have been pinning two Jap divisions NW of Bangkok. The road network is good and supply is good so 12th Army should be able to first attack NW of Bangkok in 3-4 d. If things go well, Bangkok could be under seige in as little as 1 week, cutting off another escape route of Burma Area Army.

Krung Thep: No attack today by BAA. They are taking hundreds of casualties a day from air and artillery attacks.

Burma Road: Attrition warfare continues on 21st Mixed Brigade SE of Myitkyina. B-25's are flying from Ledo.

Lashio: A grumpy (after their R&R ant Rangoon was cut short) 2nd Infantry Div. arrived at Lashio. That should put a lid on any Jap escape toward Mandalay. There are 5 Chinese "divisions" pushing West toward Lashio. Capture of Lashio or the complete anihilation of 21st Mixed Brig. will be required to open the Burma Road.

Sian (China): Massive 2nd battle of the Marne today. The Japs experienced 7500 casualties in a failed attack. Even so, the Japs have well over 1000 artillery tubes here and are inflicting hundreds of Chinese casualties a day on the 130,000+ Chinese troops guarding the city. No. 232 Sqdrn., RAF (Spitfire) are the air defence on loan from SEAC. Half the 23 pilots are aces. The P-40N's are beginning to arrive in China, soon the first group will re-equip and get rid of the antique Russian crop dusters they are currently using.



Cap Mandrake -> RE: Unspeakable evil (1/10/2009 7:50:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rtrapasso


The blood stain looks suspiciously like the southern portion of Italy and part of Sicily... no doubt a little stylistic flourish from Col. Corleone! [X(] [:D]


Signora Corleone always wanted little Vito to go into the arts. She was very disappointed when he doused the neighbor's cat in petrol at age 5 and then laughed about it afterward.



Cap Mandrake -> Forward to Kai! (1/11/2009 5:02:20 PM)

..

[image]local://upfiles/7983/7F98B892526542118A7101FD80682DB0.jpg[/image]



Cap Mandrake -> Aunt Esther (1/11/2009 5:25:23 PM)

..

[image]local://upfiles/7983/9AB25B285B514B2E9E69096A5291F309.jpg[/image]



Cap Mandrake -> With 251 Coy, Royal Engineers (1/11/2009 6:01:37 PM)

********Indian XV Corps HQ, jungle clearing 70 miles , NE of Rahaeng, April 16, 1943*******


Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
Lt., we would like you to make contact with 7th Armoured. They have not been in contact with Corps for 10 days.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Oh dear, a Jap ambush, I was afraid of that.

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No, I suspect they have been out of supply so long, they may have gone native. We believe they are some 50 miles NW of Luang Prabang, in the hills. <hands the Lt. a booklet entitled "Hmong Dialects">

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Hmmm....the Hamong.

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No, the "H" is silent, sort of.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Then why have it sir?

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
I have no idea, Lt. I don't make this up. You will have to ask the Hmong that.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Mongggg?

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No, more of a nasal sound with the vowel.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Mooonggg?

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No..too long. Mahng.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Manhnggg.

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No, now you are lingering too long on the "ng" sound. Just a brief percussion of the tounge against the palate.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Mannnng.

Maj. Entwhistle, Indiginous Peoples Liason Offcier, XV Corps:
No, too much "n" sound and you are drifting back to the short "a". Moves your lips like this and try to lift your palate to limit nasal resonance <grabs the Lt.'s heavily scarred cheeks and presses them closer together> "aah"...like that..."aah...nnn..ng"..now you try it.......




Cap Mandrake -> I tried to tell them (1/11/2009 6:09:33 PM)

Remember when I said it might be a bad idea to send 7th Armoured across country to try to take Luang Prabang? I was right. It was a bad idea. They can't shock attack because of supply and they can't be supplied by air because there is a spent Jap unit in their hex. Plus there is a garrsion now at Luang Prabang. You might say it was gamey anyway to send them across country like that, especially without their engineering coy. and I am just getting what I deserve. You might say that, but I wouldn't suggest it.



tabpub -> RE: I tried to tell them (1/11/2009 7:52:16 PM)

quote:

You might say it was gamey anyway to send them across country like that, especially without their engineering coy. and I am just getting what I deserve. You might say that, but I wouldn't suggest it.


Headquarters US Advisory Group SEAC

Major C. Abrams - "Now where did the Brits lose their Armored Brigade at again?"

Capt A. Merica - <Points to a rugged section of Laos> "Right about here, sir. They were driving toward Luang Prabang; now they are basically stuck in the mud."

Major C. Abrams - "Didn't we have one of those interminable meetings with them on this? I recall them mentioning this city and saying that they should just rustle up some paras and take it. Then fly in infantry brigades to hold the airhead...."

Capt A. Merica - <consults notes> "Yep. They replied that they had none; the 50th Indian Brigade is still learning to fall out of planes. They asked for some US Marine Paras; we checked with SoPac and they said No Can Do, busy in New Hebrides. 'Sides, they would never give up a USM unit for duty here; the Navy is quite jealous of all the publicity the English are getting these days. Soooo...I guess the tankers were chasing a Jap engineer unit by Raehang; it bolted into the brush and they blew on their silly fox horns and chased after it. I was on the radio with the commander and I could swear that I heard hounds baying in the background...it was surreal."

Major C. Abrams - "Well, my promotion went thru yesterday; I am off to England to run a Combat Command, so I don't care what goes on here anymore....but make sure my replacement keeps an eye on what these crazy Limeys do with our ground troops in the future. I don't want to hear about some of our armor fighting in Sumatra or something....in fact, the plains of China look interesting....start a study on how long the move will be once the Road is open and what allowances have to be made for the transporters to move the Battalions over it."



Cap Mandrake -> RE: I tried to tell them (1/11/2009 11:37:54 PM)

Hey..I would have been happy with a lousy company of paratroops. [:'(]



Cap Mandrake -> Capo di Capo (1/11/2009 11:38:36 PM)

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[image]local://upfiles/7983/536820EC21504DC694CB7934A567F877.jpg[/image]



BrucePowers -> RE: Capo di Capo (1/12/2009 1:11:33 AM)

I must take exception with Yossarian's last letter. The B-25 was not made by the Mitchell Aircraft Company, but by North American Aviation. It is inexcusable that the United States Army Air Force has not seen fit to let every pilot know who manufactured the aircraft they are flying.[:D].




Cap Mandrake -> Southern Cal (1/12/2009 5:12:32 AM)

*******North American Aviation HQ, Southern Calif., April 18, 1943*********


James H. "Dutch" Kindelberger (lead designer and corporate big shot): Bob, you wanted to talk about the Mitchell?

Robert J. Closer, Marketing Guy: Yes, Dutch. I think we should drop the "Mitchell" name and just call her the B-25 or the Firebreather or something like that. Everyone keeps trying to call her the Mitchell B-25.

James H. "Dutch" Kindelberger (lead designer and corporate big shot): Yes, I am aware of that, but it isn't like we are selling Packards. The US Army knows where we live.

Marketing Guy: Agreed, I just think we could get some mileage out of corporate branding.

James H. "Dutch" Kindelberger (lead designer and corporate big shot): "Coprporate Branding"! I love it. What do you think Lew?

Lew Shyster, JD, LLC, specializing in patent law and slip and fall cases: That is a no go, Dutch. The Mitchell thing is a God-send. I get at least one subpoena a week from that little weasel Truman and his War Profiteering Committee addressed to the "Mitchel Aircraft Company". I send them back. His office are a bunch of cretins <they all laugh because it is a standing joke in the community>



Cap Mandrake -> Wagons HO! (1/12/2009 8:34:06 PM)

With the go ahead from LIONHEAT, Operation Inchworm (Phase II) is a go. A second Allied landing attempt on New Guinea (Babo this time). SWPac estimates opposition will be an SNLF unit and engineers. Shore gun emplacements appear limited. The airfield is not operational.

The greatest threat will be Jap bombers from Sorong or Amboina and mines, of which there are certain to be many. A surprise appearance of Jap carriers NE of New Guinea would be most unpleasant as well. The invasion lift was intially planned to include a full Aussie division, as well, but Gen. Blamey was beign stubborn so they will remain in Australia Command (plus there aren't enough ships anyway [:)]).

A fighter sweep from Kai over Ambonia is planned for today followed by a maximum effort from the 3 USAAF Heavy Bomber groups at Darwin. Two days of air operations over Amboina and Sorong are anticipated. If this is not successful in shutting down the Bettys and Vals at Amboina and Sorong, then the invasion force may have to turn around.

Yossarian gets the day off....the B-25's will likely be back over Sorong tomorrow.

D-Day....ca. 4-22



[image]local://upfiles/7983/2DF99F52E1074C7780A58DE3690C2D72.jpg[/image]



Cap Mandrake -> Take a letter (1/12/2009 8:40:46 PM)

***********Gen. Short's Office, SWPac HQ, April 18, 1943***************

Gen Short: <depresses intercom mike> Sargeant, remind me to ask Washington for some combat engineers...and some more transport aircraft if they have any lying about....oh yeah...some of those cool flamethrower tanks too.....



Cap Mandrake -> RE: Take a letter (1/12/2009 9:42:25 PM)

***********Gen. Short's Office, SWPac HQ, April 18, 1943***************

Gen Short: <depresses intercom mike again> Sargeant, I almost forgot. Remind me to tell Washington we don't need any more of those stupid winterized Quonset huts. It's hotter than Hell. I am stuck to my goverment issue skivies. Isn't this supposed to be the Winter in the Southern Hemisphere? I don't mind saying I am beginning to have my doubts about this whole global cooling thing.

Sargeant <over intercom): It's the Fall sir. They say Global Cooling makes it hotter when it's hot, sir...something about high-altitude Antarctic circulation, sir.

Gen Short: Does that make any sense to you Sargeant?

Sargeant <over intercom): No sir, not really.

Gen Short: Well, that makes two of us, Sargeant. The SWPac weather guy can't tell what the weather is going to be like over New Guinea 4 days from now. ...That reminds me, tell the weather officer I never want to see him again unless he can answer a direct question with a yes or no.

Sargeant <over intercom): Yes sir!

Gen Short: Oh, and Sargeant, get somebody out here drill some ventillation holes in this damned hut.

Sargeant <over intercom): Yes sir. I'll call engineering.

Gen Short: Oh, one last thing, Sargeant, have my valet bring me some fresh skivies. I am having trouble with my Antarctic circualtion.....



Cap Mandrake -> Tragic marketing error (1/13/2009 12:07:34 AM)

I saw an add in the LA Times sports page yesterday for a drapery cleaner service. That struck me as just about the worst add placement one could imagine. Has anyone here...has any straight guy anywhere...ever awakened one morning and exclaimed...."my WITP turn is not in my inbox so I think I'll get my draperies cleaned...maybe I should look through the sports page for ads"?

It sat just on top of an ad for "Sex for Life". That would qualify as good ad placement...or at least WAAY better than the drapery add.



BrucePowers -> RE: Wagons HO! (1/13/2009 1:23:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake



Yossarian gets the day off....the B-25's will likely be back over Sorong tomorrow.




That would be North American Aviation B-25's........[:D]



Moondawggie -> RE: Tragic marketing error (1/13/2009 2:23:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

I saw an add in the LA Times sports page yesterday for a drapery cleaner service. That struck me as just about the worst add placement one could imagine. Has anyone here...has any straight guy anywhere...ever awakened one morning and exclaimed...."my WITP turn is not in my inbox so I think I'll get my draperies cleaned...maybe I should look through the sports page for ads"?

It sat just on top of an ad for "Sex for Life". That would qualify as good ad placement...or at least WAAY better than the drapery add.


Well, suppose you had 1 second to wrap the drapes around your sweaty naked body right before you jumped out the second floor window of a bedroom you weren't supposed to be in, and managed to escape. A classy guy would be sure to return them the next day freshly cleaned and pressed to the friendly young lady inhabiting said bedroom along with a dozen red roses.

If you are that kind of guy, the ad would make sense.

Besides, the ad ran in the LA Times, not the San Francisco Chronicle.

So I rest my case...




Cap Mandrake -> RE: Tragic marketing error (1/13/2009 6:30:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moondawggie


Well, suppose you had 1 second to wrap the drapes around your sweaty naked body right before you jumped out the second floor window ...



Oh, you mean that nude pilates class I was in? I dropped it. I kept geting grossed out during the stretching exercises. Plus, I think they had blinds not drapes.



Cap Mandrake -> Inchworm II (1/13/2009 7:25:35 PM)

The fighter sweep from Kai encounters a stout defence of Tonys and Jacks but does succeed in clearing the way for 134 B-24's from Darwin.

Losses for the day:

Jacks..........9
Tonys.........16
Bettys........12

P-38..........10
Kittyhawk......6
B-24...........4

When the dust settles, the F-5's snap some pics. The runway is at about 25% and the Jap bombers appear to be gone. No. 24 Sqdrn RAAF and USAAF 3rd FS are at 50% strength after two sweeps over Amboina, but they are still in good spirits. They are ordered to head North again as are the B-24's. Inchworm II is still on. The landing forces have evidently not yet been spotted.

[image]local://upfiles/7983/74A406ED36A646DA8EC8E72F90BCEB9E.jpg[/image]



Cap Mandrake -> RE: Inchworm II (1/13/2009 8:10:40 PM)

What to do after Babo (assuming it works)?

Three general options present themselves:

1) Broaden the shoulders of the growing Allied salient (Lautem on Eastern Timor for eg.)

2) Grind forward under air cover (Amboina and Sorong for eg.).

3) Leap forward bypassing Amboina/Sorong (the most risky option especially without carriers).



Amboina is a level 4 airfield with ca. 23,000 troops and likely well fortified (inclduing CD guns).

Sorong is a level 2 with 6,000 troops.

Lautem is a level 4 field (85-100% destroyed)and 14,000 troops.

Kendari is level 4 but poorly reconed.

At this time I really have only enough sealift capacity for 1 1/2 divisions at a time.

This is the fun part of WITP. [;)]




Moondawggie -> RE: Inchworm II (1/14/2009 3:40:43 AM)

I vote for Sarong: not well defended by the IJA, but the airfield is big enough to deploy some serious fighter resources to dominate the area. Build it up to a 3 or 4, and then Tac Air can dominate the sea lanes locally, and Ambonia withers on the vine. [:)]

Remember the main goal: Enjoyng a cold San Miguel Pale Pilsen at Jolo's in Olongapo within the year, with minimal casualties. And stay away from the Marmont Hotel...[:-]




Cap Mandrake -> RE: Inchworm II (1/15/2009 5:29:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moondawggie

I vote for Sarong: not well defended by the IJA, but the airfield is big enough to deploy some serious fighter resources to dominate the area. Build it up to a 3 or 4, and then Tac Air can dominate the sea lanes locally, and Ambonia withers on the vine. [:)]

Remember the main goal: Enjoyng a cold San Miguel Pale Pilsen at Jolo's in Olongapo within the year, with minimal casualties. And stay away from the Marmont Hotel...[:-]




I love the San Miguel dark...have never had their pilsen. Sorong would no doubt be an easier nut but I don't have significant forces prepped for there. I have 2 1/2 divisions and a Corps HQ prepped for Amboina but as the Admiralty is going to be really angry when they dont get their carrier back this month, we will be in negative PP's for a bit and one brigade and one division for the Amboina forces aren't released from Australia Command yet.

Amboina offers the advantage of having an airfield that can support the heavies right off the bat.





Cap Mandrake -> RE: Inchworm II (1/15/2009 6:03:01 PM)

**********Sitrep, Inchworm II, April 19, 1943**********


The naval forces are South of Aru, apparently unspotted. The P-38's again led a tough fighter sweep over Amboina, trading with the Jacks and Tonys at roughly 1:1. The B-24's from Darwin then appeared over Amboina at 11,000 ft, hitting the airfield heavily and destroying many Jacks and Tony on the ground. Late afternoon recon shows the airfield abandoned except for unflyable aircraft. 3rd FS (USAAF) is down to 33% strength. They will redeploy to Darwin to refit and fill out with new pilots. Dutch and RAAF B-25 squadrons from Darwin join the cranky types of 90th BS (M) at Kai for attcks on Sorong.




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