Jokes about weapons

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Kuokkanen -> Jokes about weapons (9/27/2007 2:16:46 PM)
I am sure there have been made jokes about some weapons. Does anyone know any? I'll start with BattleMechs quote: While racing light mechs, Urbanmech comes in second place, but only because it ran out of ammo. This might need bit explaining. Urbanmech is in light weight category (up to 35 tons), but it is well armoured and armed for its weight, but it is extremely slow. quote: Head tech gets confused and mounts legs on Scorpion tank while putting treads on Scorpion 'Mech. No one really notices. Scorpion is name for light tank but it's also name for four-legged BattleMech.

SireChaos -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/27/2007 3:15:05 PM)
There are two about the real-world ground attack aircraft, the A-10 Warthog. The first is that it is so slow, in place of the speed indicator it has a calendar. The second explains that the back window of the cockpit has been armored, in order to protect the pilot against birds overtaking the aircraft that might crash into that window.

Kuokkanen -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/28/2007 9:39:03 AM)
Now this is what I am talking about! Here's another one about A-10 quote: Let's face it, the A-10 doesn't 'fly'; it stares down gravity until it runs into a corner sobbing and then, due to sheer badassery, the air decides to get out of its way.

SireChaos -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/28/2007 1:38:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Matti Kuokkanen Now this is what I am talking about! Here's another one about A-10 quote: Let's face it, the A-10 doesn't 'fly'; it stares down gravity until it runs into a corner sobbing and then, due to sheer badassery, the air decides to get out of its way. That reminds me... (stolen from another forum): "Helicopters don´t fly. They beat the air into submission." Not sure if this counts as a joke, but there is the opinion of - IIRC - U. S. Grant about muskets: "At 125 yards, you can shoot these at somebody all day, and he won´t notice."

Barthheart -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/28/2007 3:36:14 PM)
"The M-16 is designed to pin a man down behind a tree at 200 yards.... the FN C1 is designed to cut through the tree at 1000 yards." Words of my Sargent during rifle training at basic....

Neilster -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/28/2007 4:17:47 PM)
"Helicopters are 50,000 mechanical parts flying in close formation." "Helicopters are 50,000 mechanical parts arranged around a hydraulic leak." I like the late WW2 German army joke about aircraft. "If it's green, it's British. If it's silver, it's American. If it's invisible, it's the Luftwaffe" Cheers, Neilster

Twotribes -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/29/2007 11:10:08 AM)
The joke Marines have about the Ch-46 Helicopter is " If it isn't leaking fluids, LAND QUICK." The joke being that if it is not leaking all over, it is out of fluids and will crash.

Twotribes -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/29/2007 11:14:12 AM)
My dad was army, he eventually retired after 22 years service. I was Marine Corps. When I forst joined we had the M16A1 rifle. I qualified on it at Camp Pendleton in Boot Camp. The range there goes to 500 meters ( or did when I was there anyway) When I told my dad my best line on the range was the 500 meter range he told me that was impossible because the army said the M16A1 had an effective range of 460 meters. Now that was a GOOD Joke.

shunwick -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/29/2007 7:50:55 PM)
I would just like to point out that there is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that the British Ministry of Defence refered to the decision to join the Americans in Afganistan and Iraq as the British Army's Modernization and Reequipment initiative. Neither is it true that British Army units in Iraq refer to American ammo and supply dumps as MaRs Bars. Best wishes,

ilovestrategy -> RE: Jokes about weapons (9/30/2007 4:09:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twotribes My dad was army, he eventually retired after 22 years service. I was Marine Corps. When I forst joined we had the M16A1 rifle. I qualified on it at Camp Pendleton in Boot Camp. The range there goes to 500 meters ( or did when I was there anyway) When I told my dad my best line on the range was the 500 meter range he told me that was impossible because the army said the M16A1 had an effective range of 460 meters. Now that was a GOOD Joke. [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D] I am laughing now at the comp because I qualified on the M16A1 at Camp Pendleton also in 85. That joke about the invisible Lutwaffle was hilarious!

105mm Howitzer -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 6:19:11 AM)
Did we have the same Sargeant during basic? Or maybe it's something the older NCO's have been taught to say. Whatever the case, it works[sm=00000106.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Barthheart "The M-16 is designed to pin a man down behind a tree at 200 yards.... the FN C1 is designed to cut through the tree at 1000 yards." Words of my Sargent during rifle training at basic....

105mm Howitzer -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 6:22:25 AM)
Come on people, no jokes about Italian WW2 tanks? 1 speed forward and 5 for reverse.

mlees -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 6:42:20 AM)
Does anyone remember the following?: When talking about the F4 Phantom II, it was said that that aircraft proves that anything could fly if you had enough brute force thrust behind it. Was the F4 considered ugly when it first came out? I know that it's a heavy aircraft...

chief -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 7:22:56 AM)
The one I remember best was when flying home on leave on/in an Air Force C119, Flying Boxcar. "This is the pilot speaking, if you hear the alarm bell, bail out, because by the time you hear it I'll be gone" and I dare say he meant it.

Kuokkanen -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 8:48:52 AM)
quote: Wikipedia The first C-119 made its initial flight in November 1947, and by the time production ceased in 1955, more than 1,100 C-119s had been built. Those things are still in use? [X(] What kind of weapon is FM C1? I can't find anything about it [8\|]

Barthheart -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 3:47:46 PM)
FN C1 is the Canadian Armed Forces version for this: http://world.guns.ru/assault/as24f-e.htm Wonderful weapon... but heavy..... at least I remember it being heavy when I was a scrawny little 18 yr old....

cdbeck -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 7:24:00 PM)
What does "Maginot Line" mean in French? "Speed bump ahead." SoM

Bazooka Bob -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/3/2007 11:27:06 PM)
This is clean. Do you know what is long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine. Do you know the difference between the Marine Corp and the Boy Scouts? The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.[8D]

SireChaos -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/4/2007 12:28:07 AM)
Just read this one... Inspired by the P-47 (which was large and heavy for a fighter, and needed a long runway), one pilot said "If the Army built a runway that goes all the way around the world, Republic [the manufacturer of the P-47] would design an aircraft that cannot take off from that runway."

gunny -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/5/2007 5:09:42 AM)
Sterling Submachine Gun We were told the best way to clear a room of enemy during close quarter fighting with this weapon was to cock it, throw it in the room and run away. True story, I was on the range , got the order to fire single shot with the sterling, 5 round per exposure. I squeezed the trigger and released, Braaap! All 30 rounds gone. Ofcourse the range control officer was freakin hehe

HansBolter -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/5/2007 3:18:17 PM)
Advertisement for a French rifle for sale: "French rifle, never fired, dropped once"

cdbeck -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/5/2007 6:21:08 PM)
This one is in really bad taste... Q: What is the best way to break up an Iraqi Bingo game? A: Yell, "B-52!" Please forgive me in advance. SoM

sprior -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/5/2007 6:32:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gunny Sterling Submachine Gun We were told the best way to clear a room of enemy during close quarter fighting with this weapon was to cock it, throw it in the room and run away. True story, I was on the range , got the order to fire single shot with the sterling, 5 round per exposure. I squeezed the trigger and released, Braaap! All 30 rounds gone. Ofcourse the range control officer was freakin hehe On the firing range with Sterling SMGs GI (Gunnery Instructor) sees baby artificer holding said gun with left gun on magazine instead of on the barrel guard and says (very loudly), "W ho do you think you are, Captain f@*&%^$% Hurricane?"

cdbeck -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/5/2007 8:16:59 PM)
Q: Why do some men (especially here on this forum) prefer GUNS over WOMEN? A: You can trade an old 44 for a 22. [;)] Also here is a funny site about the rules for Gun fighting comparing the USMC and the US-Navy. Navy and Marine Rules for Gun Fighting Please note: The views expressed here are not those of the poster in regards to the Navy. I believe there are lots of uses for Seamen. [:'(] SoM

Hard Sarge -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/6/2007 3:16:09 PM)
SoM I like it, I like :)

105mm Howitzer -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/8/2007 4:25:47 AM)
I believe it was named for the defense minister who authorized it's construction. Wasn't greeted with enthusiasm by all staff officers in the French Army. ( among them was DeGaule)

cdbeck -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/8/2007 5:12:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 105mm Howitzer I believe it was named for the defense minister who authorized it's construction. Wasn't greeted with enthusiasm by all staff officers in the French Army. ( among them was DeGaule) LOL... that is almost as funny as the Joke. 105mm, this is a joke thread. The "Question" was, "What does Maginot Line mean in French?" and the "answer" was "Speed Bump Ahead." Admittedly, not a GOOD joke... but looks like you need to comb your hair a little higher to catch it from flying over! [:'(] SoM

SMK-at-work -> RE: Jokes about weapons (10/8/2007 6:18:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort What does "Maginot Line" mean in French? "Speed bump ahead." The funniest ones have a ring of truth....which this one doesn't!! [:'(] Of course eth line did exactly what it was intended to do....the Germans did not attack across eth frontier!! Maginot was the guy in chage when it was built - it was designed befoer he held office. And of course as with many such massive investments, it's purpose by the time it was "in use" was quite different to that intended. It was intended to delay a German invasion while armies of manouvre mobilised behind it and moved up to fill it out. By the late 1930's it was seen as an invulnerable whiled....which is was never intended to be and probably would not have been had hte Germans attacked - without mobile formations to counterattack and penetrations it would possibly have been over-run quite easily! But that theory was never tested.....the Americans still found it a problem attacking it from the rear in 1944 at Metz tho!!

Kuokkanen -> RE: Jokes about weapons (11/25/2007 3:27:04 PM)
And more fun about BattleMechs. What do we get when we replace an destroyed nuclear fusion engine of an assault 'Mech (80-100 tons) with an internal combustion engine? Answers behind following links: Mediocre Mudzilla Indeed! [X(] [sm=00000280.gif] This is fun too: http://www.heavymetalpro.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=16212

morvwilson -> RE: Jokes about weapons (11/25/2007 5:58:34 PM)
What about the French kingdom that drown becaus the king wanted to be burried at sea?

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