Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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******Babo Airfield, 07:45, May 6, 1943(b)****** A tall, hirsute man crouches under a B-25 with a red paintbrush in his hand. A shorter hirsute man approaches. Shorter hirsute man: Good morning, Capt. Yossarian. How are you feeling today? Tall hirsute man:Holy Mary Mother of God, Padre! You scared the Hell out of me. Shorter hirsute man: Sorry about that, Yossarian, and..language please. Tall hirsute man: Oh, sorry Padre. <sets brush down in can> Shorter hirsute man: It happens to the best of us, Cpt. What are you doing with the plane? Tall hirsute man: Oh, I figured I would paint a red cross on the underside of the fuselage. Maybe the Japs will think it is an air ambulance. Shorter hirsute man: That seems rather desperate, son. I'm not even sure the Japanese are signatories to the Geneva Convention. Tall hirsute man: Well, that is a fine kettle of fish we are in. We are in a war and the other side didn't sign a treaty. Imagine that. Shorter hirsute man: Cpt., you seem angry. Cpt., I'll be frank. The Col. asked to come talk to you. He is worried about you. Tall hirsute man: THE COLONEL IS WORRIED ABOUT ME?! Maybe he should stop sending us on "milk runs' then. He is trying to get us all killed Shorter hirsute man: That's his job, Yossarian. Tall hirsute man: His job is to get me killed? Well, now, that is an especially fine kettle of fish. Shorter hirsute man: Yossarian, you know what I mean. He is worried you are a bad influence on the other men. Tall hirsute man: He is wrong. I am the only one who isn't crazy around here. Ask the Doc. He won't tell you I am not crazy, even though he knows it. That is HIS job. Do you know we lost two planes and two crews in the last two days over Sorong? The Japs are trying to kill me. Shorter hirsute man: Yes, it has been very difficult. Let me help you. Tall hirsute man:Fantastic! Take me off flight duty. Give me a spiritual grounding or something. Shorter hirsute man: I have to answer to a higher authority, Yossarian. You know I can't do that. The big guy would be angry. Tall hirsute man: God, you mean? Shorter hirsute man: Oh, no <chuckles>, General Short. Look Yossarian, how woudl it be if we all stopped fighting? Tall hirsute man: Then there would be peace. Shorter hirsute man: But this is a JUST war, Yossarian. Tall hirsute man: Yeah, JUST long enough to get me killed. Shorter hirsute man: Look, Yossarian, the red cross on your plane is just a talisman. It means nothing. Let me give you a SPIRITUAL talisman. Let me give me your last rights before your flight today. Tall hirsute man: HELL NO, PADRE! YOU GAVE LAMONT AND HIS CREW LAST RIGHTS YESTERDAY AND THE FIRE CREW HAD TO SCRAPE THEM UP IN A DUSTPAN WHEN THEY CRASHED ON LANDING! YOU KILLED THEM, PADRE! YOU GAVE THEM LAST RIGHTS AND NOW THEY ARE ALL DEAD. Shorter hirsute man: That's not fair, Yossarian. I only eased their passing. You want to be with God in Heaven, don't you? Tall hirsute man: Well, I do NOT want my passing eased. I want it slowed down as much as possible. And I am perfectly happy with Purgatory, too. You keep away from me Padre. I mean it. Shorter hirsute man: <makes sign of the cross> en nomine patr... Tall hirsute man: <drops paintbucket and begins runing as fast as his tall, hirsute legs can carry him..which is pretty fast..oh, he is not going to beat Jesse Owens or anything but he is seriously motivated> AHHHAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYaaaaaaaaahhhaaahhhhh......
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 2/24/2009 8:23:48 PM >
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