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RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/26/2011 2:23:41 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

*************Officer's Club, Suva, Sept. 3, 1942************

(Cont. from 4777)

Man in fine linen slacks:
Hey, Yossarian, let me pick your brain about a new product line idea.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard:
Will it hurt?

Man in fine linen slacks:
Yossarian, you crazy SOB. It's just an expression.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: For most people, yes.

Man in fine linen slacks: Look, do you want to hear my idea or not?

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: Do I have a choice?

Man in fine linen slacks: No. So, here is the deal. What mode of demise does life insurance NOT cover?

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: MIA. My dad still has not got his check.

Man in fine linen slacks:
No, no, no. I mean SUICIDE.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: Yeah, so?

Man in fine linen slacks:
Well, that's my idea, suicide insurance.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard:
Why, you crazy SOB, there is a REASON suicide is excluded.

Man in fine linen slacks:
Sure, sure, but I'm not talking about regular suicide insurance, I am talking about Hara-kiri insurance.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: Milo, that is the craziest ass thing I have ever heard you say. Who is going to buy something like that?

Man in fine linen slacks: Jap officers.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: The Allies are going on the offensive and you are going to sell Hara-kiri insurance to Jap officers? Maybe I am not quite grasping the business model.


Man in fine linen slacks: No, think about it. They are duty bound to do the deed but the want to provide for their families.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: Right, I get that but nobody is going to buy this thing ahead of time. Only the duty bound will buy it.

Man in fine linen slacks: Of course.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: What do you mean of course? Everyone who buys your policy will be eligible for a claim. You will get killed, so to speak.

Man in fine linen slacks: Yes, yes, that's the beauty of it. You won't neeed agents. Everyone in that situation will want to buy it.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: And everyone will expect to make a claim.

Man in fine linen slacks: Yes, of course.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: Look, Milo. It's a crazy idea. Forget about the bottom line, who is going to submit the claim?

Man in fine linen slacks: Why, naturally, the commanding officer. It's in the fine print.

Hirsute man now beginning to grow a beard: But they aren't going to do that. It would be a loss of honor to go to the commanding officer, assuming he isn't out buying a policy himself....<stops cold and a look of realization comes over him>,,,Milo, you crazy, calculating, genius SOB. It can't fail.

Man in fine linen slacks: Yes, of course.

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 6/26/2011 2:24:42 PM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4801
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 3:18:05 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
Arrgh...2nd page.


We are in rimbo as Rord Admirar Nerson had to evacuate from a forest fire.

But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the HR experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff the video links and jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy dentist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the message. We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of abnormal EKG readings on male patients when the medical assistant with the ample bosom up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous french maid outfit.

Lately, it seems, we have embarked on a strategy of hiring ONLY the unattractive. You would think this would just stamp it out..like throwing water on the coals...but it really doesn't. Unattractive people STILL complain about being hit on by other unattractive people. I have to assume there is some kind of secret stratification among the unattractive that cannot be perceived by others. One idea I had was to hire progressively more attractive supervisors with increasing rank. That way, people would be less likely to complain if their boss showed interest in them. The problem is by the time you get to nursing director you would have to hire Heidi Klum and then there is guaranteed to be a problem with the wives of the male doctors.

I'm afraid there may be no solution.....except for Dick the Butcher's idea.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4802
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 3:22:35 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
Heard an ad for "bariatric surgery" (stomach banding for the morbidly obese). The announcer proclaimed it was covered by most insurances then announced, "Come join us for a reception and have your questions answered"


I was wondering, does one serve appetizers at a reception for 350 lb people? If you were catering that how many buffalo wings would you order?

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4803
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 3:50:39 PM   
anarchyintheuk

 

Posts: 3921
Joined: 5/5/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline
You'd have to serve appetizers . . . . it would reinforce to the potential customer that he/she has no control over their intake. It's only good business to use guilt as a tool. Look at how catholicism has taken off. I'd order about 5/person, there's always someone who will Constanza the wings, plus left overs are tasty. Make sure your defribrilator is fully charged.

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4804
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 4:08:07 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Arrgh...2nd page.


We are in rimbo as Rord Admirar Nerson had to evacuate from a forest fire.

But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the HR experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff the video links and jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy dentist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the message. We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of abnormal EKG readings on male patients when the medical assistant with the ample bosom up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous french maid outfit.

Lately, it seems, we have embarked on a strategy of hiring ONLY the unattractive. You would think this would just stamp it out..like throwing water on the coals...but it really doesn't. Unattractive people STILL complain about being hit on by other unattractive people. I have to assume there is some kind of secret stratification among the unattractive that cannot be perceived by others. One idea I had was to hire progressively more attractive supervisors with increasing rank. That way, people would be less likely to complain if their boss showed interest in them. The problem is by the time you get to nursing director you would have to hire Heidi Klum and then there is guaranteed to be a problem with the wives of the male doctors.

I'm afraid there may be no solution.....except for Dick the Butcher's idea.

You could offer free and mandatory orthodontia. Cause nothin' says 'stay the **** away from me like tinsel teeth, headgear and festoons of drool. People in intractable pain from wisdom teeth extraction are likely to be neither suitors nor recipients of amorous intent.

Dentists have perfected the ability to cause great pain-legally. You should revisit this benefit for your practice.

Plus, there's always saltpeter for the cafeteria.

_____________________________


(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4805
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 4:09:09 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anarchyintheuk

You'd have to serve appetizers . . . . it would reinforce to the potential customer that he/she has no control over their intake. It's only good business to use guilt as a tool. Look at how catholicism has taken off. I'd order about 5/person, there's always someone who will Constanza the wings, plus left overs are tasty. Make sure your defribrilator is fully charged.

Did you just verbify "Constanza"?

_____________________________


(in reply to anarchyintheuk)
Post #: 4806
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 4:09:54 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Heard an ad for "bariatric surgery" (stomach banding for the morbidly obese). The announcer proclaimed it was covered by most insurances then announced, "Come join us for a reception and have your questions answered"


I was wondering, does one serve appetizers at a reception for 350 lb people? If you were catering that how many buffalo wings would you order?

None. Buffalo wings are very cruel to the buffalo.

_____________________________


(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4807
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/28/2011 4:28:42 PM   
jeffk3510


Posts: 4132
Joined: 12/3/2007
From: Kansas
Status: offline
A scrotum as a unit of measurement... this AAR never fails to delight.

_____________________________

Life is tough. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be.

Currently chasing three kids around the Midwest.

(in reply to Chickenboy)
Post #: 4808
RE: Timeshare opportunity - 6/29/2011 3:31:55 AM   
perkinh


Posts: 181
Joined: 2/7/2010
From: Central, NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

New neighbors up the street are putting in a pool and 900,000 BTU bar-b-q. I wave to them when they drive by in hopes of getting invited. Honestly, if the entire neighborhood got together and lit their unused 900,000 BTU bar-b-q's at once the Chicoms would probably have a false alarm for an ICBM launch.

Here is the deal. A couple moves in and the guy naturally wants a big backyard bar-b-q with rotiserie and a fridge and an outdoor fireplace with imported limestone...so they hire a contractor and he puts one in. The neighbor's get invited over once or twice..then...yada, yada, yada...he cheats on her or she cheats on him....yada, yada, yada...divorce...she gets the house and the bar-b-q is built in so it stays with the house. She gets mad and throws out all his bar-b-q tools and the thing sits idle for 20 or 30 years until she either gets dementia or dies. Then the kids sell the house and the new owner tears out the old bar-b-q because avocado colored tiles have come back in and the whole thing starts all over again.

It is quite sad, really. Never, EVER install a built-in bar-b-q.


Please ignore these comments! There are several poeple that depend on installing, and then removing 900,000 BTU Flamethrowers for there living. If the marriage goes south quick enough i can even resale the unit for a nice profit. The only downside is if the crazy woman marries a Neanderthal, that loves the charr.

_____________________________

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine.... is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4809
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/29/2011 3:35:39 AM   
perkinh


Posts: 181
Joined: 2/7/2010
From: Central, NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Arrgh...2nd page.


We are in rimbo as Rord Admirar Nerson had to evacuate from a forest fire.

But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the HR experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff the video links and jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy dentist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the message. We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of abnormal EKG readings on male patients when the medical assistant with the ample bosom up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous french maid outfit.

Lately, it seems, we have embarked on a strategy of hiring ONLY the unattractive. You would think this would just stamp it out..like throwing water on the coals...but it really doesn't. Unattractive people STILL complain about being hit on by other unattractive people. I have to assume there is some kind of secret stratification among the unattractive that cannot be perceived by others. One idea I had was to hire progressively more attractive supervisors with increasing rank. That way, people would be less likely to complain if their boss showed interest in them. The problem is by the time you get to nursing director you would have to hire Heidi Klum and then there is guaranteed to be a problem with the wives of the male doctors.

I'm afraid there may be no solution.....except for Dick the Butcher's idea.



My company forces us to watch an hour long webinar every January, and then sign our " X " online saying we were warned.

_____________________________

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine.... is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4810
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/29/2011 11:58:04 AM   
Reg


Posts: 2787
Joined: 5/26/2000
From: NSW, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jeffk3510

A scrotum as a unit of measurement... this AAR never fails to delight.


Have other uses as well: Scrotum Gift Shop

_____________________________

Cheers,
Reg.

(One day I will learn to spell - or check before posting....)
Uh oh, Firefox has a spell checker!! What excuse can I use now!!!

(in reply to jeffk3510)
Post #: 4811
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/29/2011 5:32:25 PM   
Kwik E Mart


Posts: 2447
Joined: 7/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Arrgh...2nd page.


We are in rimbo as Rord Admirar Nerson had to evacuate from a forest fire.

But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the HR experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff the video links and jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy dentist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the message. We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of abnormal EKG readings on male patients when the medical assistant with the ample bosom up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous french maid outfit.

Lately, it seems, we have embarked on a strategy of hiring ONLY the unattractive. You would think this would just stamp it out..like throwing water on the coals...but it really doesn't. Unattractive people STILL complain about being hit on by other unattractive people. I have to assume there is some kind of secret stratification among the unattractive that cannot be perceived by others. One idea I had was to hire progressively more attractive supervisors with increasing rank. That way, people would be less likely to complain if their boss showed interest in them. The problem is by the time you get to nursing director you would have to hire Heidi Klum and then there is guaranteed to be a problem with the wives of the male doctors.

I'm afraid there may be no solution.....except for Dick the Butcher's idea.


...oddly enough, a certain randy newman song comes to mind...

(btw, every time i throw water on coals, a billowing, choking cloud of smoke erupts from the fire pit...)

_____________________________

Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!
Ron Swanson: Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.


(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4812
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 1:36:36 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kwik E Mart

...oddly enough, a certain randy newman song comes to mind...


"Dont wan't no short people"?

quote:

(btw, every time i throw water on coals, a billowing, choking cloud of smoke erupts from the fire pit...)


Ask one of the chemistry majors..or maybe there is a chemical engineer or volunteer fireman in the crowd.....but I think that might be steam.

(in reply to Kwik E Mart)
Post #: 4813
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 1:37:28 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reg


quote:

ORIGINAL: jeffk3510

A scrotum as a unit of measurement... this AAR never fails to delight.


Have other uses as well: Scrotum Gift Shop


What do they do with the little hairs?

(in reply to Reg)
Post #: 4814
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 1:40:11 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anarchyintheuk
It's only good business to use guilt as a tool. Look at how catholicism has taken off.




(in reply to anarchyintheuk)
Post #: 4815
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 2:29:55 AM   
Mynok


Posts: 12108
Joined: 11/30/2002
Status: offline
quote:


But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the erectile dysfunction experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff and telling jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy proctologist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the massage . We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of flag raising incidents with male patients when the medical assistant with the huge bombs up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous bit of nothing.


That's what you really wrote, isn't it?


_____________________________

"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4816
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 6:44:30 AM   
jeffk3510


Posts: 4132
Joined: 12/3/2007
From: Kansas
Status: offline
Now a Sack Gift Shack...

_____________________________

Life is tough. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be.

Currently chasing three kids around the Midwest.

(in reply to Mynok)
Post #: 4817
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 2:14:15 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mynok

quote:


But I do need some advice. As employers of several hundred employees now, we are keen to avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits. We had the erectile dysfunction experts come in and give a talk. As a consequence, I have stopped showing my staff and telling jokes my brother-in-law and his crazy proctologist friends send me. Evidently, however, not everyone got the massage . We had to issue strict costume guidelines for Halloween as we had a number of flag raising incidents with male patients when the medical assistant with the huge bombs up in Diagnostics wore this ridiculous bit of nothing.


That's what you really wrote, isn't it?



Failure to "flag raise" is a common reason for visits among the senior patients. I doubt anyone would complain if they took their new Cialis samples and went upstairs for an EKG and pitched a tent. In fact, those are EXACTLY the patients you want to send the patient satisfaction survey to.

The Cialis rep came to the buliding and brought lunch. Naturally, she is female and attractive. I wonder how that happened?

I asked her for samples to treat premature infants with pulmonary hypertension (it might physiologically actually work for this). She laughed but did not give me any samples. The food wasn't very good either.

(in reply to Mynok)
Post #: 4818
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 2:30:58 PM   
rtrapasso


Posts: 22653
Joined: 9/3/2002
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


I asked her for samples to treat premature infants with pulmonary hypertension (it might physiologically actually work for this). She laughed but did not give me any samples. The food wasn't very good either.


The Children!! Somebody think of the Children!!!

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4819
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 4:27:48 PM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
Cucarachas in the Coral Sea...again. Where is the number for that exterminator again?




Attachment (1)

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4820
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 9:26:23 PM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rtrapasso


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


I asked her for samples to treat premature infants with pulmonary hypertension (it might physiologically actually work for this). She laughed but did not give me any samples. The food wasn't very good either.


The Children!! Somebody think of the Children!!!

Why? Do they need bad take-out or something?

_____________________________


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Post #: 4821
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 9:54:59 PM   
CaptDave

 

Posts: 659
Joined: 6/21/2002
From: Federal Way, WA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Cucarachas in the Coral Sea...again. Where is the number for that exterminator again?



Local number in Port Moresby: call M&M Exterminators at DEep 6 (it's a small exchange!).

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4822
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 6/30/2011 11:58:09 PM   
Lecivius


Posts: 4845
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: Denver
Status: offline
Gawds, how have I missed this?  I am in SO much trouble, I had to log off I was laughing so hard

(in reply to CaptDave)
Post #: 4823
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 3:22:47 AM   
Mynok


Posts: 12108
Joined: 11/30/2002
Status: offline

It's ok. You've had a bit much Mandrake root. It will wear off.

Until next time.


_____________________________

"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

(in reply to Lecivius)
Post #: 4824
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 3:30:18 AM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Cucarachas in the Coral Sea...again. Where is the number for that exterminator again?




Your "estimations of their intentions"? What is this, some sort of strategy game AAR or something? On with the fart jokes, dammit!

_____________________________


(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4825
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 3:33:14 AM   
Mynok


Posts: 12108
Joined: 11/30/2002
Status: offline

I'm sure there are HOA rules about strategizing. He has to be discreet ya know.


_____________________________

"Measure civilization by the ability of citizens to mock government with impunity" -- Unknown

(in reply to Chickenboy)
Post #: 4826
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 5:20:34 AM   
Chickenboy


Posts: 24520
Joined: 6/29/2002
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mynok


It's ok. You've had a bit much Mandrake root. It will wear off.

Until next time.


Oh, for the record, I'm not getting any 'Mandrake root' juice anywhere near me. Let the record clearly show that, please. I sure as hell ain't ingesting any.

_____________________________


(in reply to Mynok)
Post #: 4827
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 6:40:33 AM   
Cap Mandrake


Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002
From: Southern California
Status: offline
So Stalker Girl is up visiting her sister in Idaho and taking her adoptive mom on a road trip "before she dies"...that is what she actually said. It is quite a noble act. She is not buttering her up for the will or anything...she just feels an obligation. Obligation, it turns out, is exactly the right word. She has a million medical problems. In Harrison's Textbook of Internal Medicine, the only section that doens't apply to her is Chagas Disease (crazy South American parasite). Amazingly, she has her own teeth. The only problem is they lost their attachment to the bones in her face 5 years ago. They are now removable. Yes, I said "removable". She has kept the space in her gums open by putting the exfoliated teeth back into their holes manually. She takes them out to eat or sleep, lest they be swallowed. God only knows how many times they have made the circuit, only to be rinsed off and reinserted.

Anyway, so Stalker Girl calls me from Morro Bay and I can hear her mom say in the background, "I am going to have a BM today", like it's a freakin' shuttle launch or something

But really that's not why I brough this up. The salient point is that SG is out of town. So Tuesday night I am out front talking to Mandrake Jr. and the neighbor 3 doors up is walking toward my house in some house robe and slippers and socks. She waves. I wave back out of obligation and turn back toward Mandrake Jr. hoping she goes away. She doesn't.

"HEY MANDRAKE! Come here."

There is really no way out. I can't even pretend I don't hear her because Mandrake Jr. is pointing. She is a widow and she is about my age and she probably knows SG is ot of town. Last time I talked to her was at the Viking Longboat Ceremony and she was completely pickled even before she showed up. This could go badly.

I tell Mandrake Jr., "Look, call me in about 15 minutes, OK?" I head up and we talk for a few. She is entirely pickled but the process has come too late. My mom looks younger than her.

"I don't have many male suitors", she says.

"Holy ****", I think to myself.

She insists I come in for some wine. I suggest I need to feed the dogs.

"You shouldn't det the logs run things". She seems completley clueless that consonants are jumping back and forth

<To be continued>



< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 7/1/2011 6:49:27 AM >

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4828
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 9:31:10 AM   
Smeulders

 

Posts: 1879
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

So Stalker Girl is up visiting her sister in Idaho and taking her adoptive mom on a road trip "before she dies"...that is what she actually said. It is quite a noble act. She is not buttering her up for the will or anything...she just feels an obligation. Obligation, it turns out, is exactly the right word. She has a million medical problems. In Harrison's Textbook of Internal Medicine, the only section that doens't apply to her is Chagas Disease (crazy South American parasite). Amazingly, she has her own teeth. The only problem is they lost their attachment to the bones in her face 5 years ago. They are now removable. Yes, I said "removable". She has kept the space in her gums open by putting the exfoliated teeth back into their holes manually. She takes them out to eat or sleep, lest they be swallowed. God only knows how many times they have made the circuit, only to be rinsed off and reinserted.

Anyway, so Stalker Girl calls me from Morro Bay and I can hear her mom say in the background, "I am going to have a BM today", like it's a freakin' shuttle launch or something

But really that's not why I brough this up. The salient point is that SG is out of town. So Tuesday night I am out front talking to Mandrake Jr. and the neighbor 3 doors up is walking toward my house in some house robe and slippers and socks. She waves. I wave back out of obligation and turn back toward Mandrake Jr. hoping she goes away. She doesn't.

"HEY MANDRAKE! Come here."

There is really no way out. I can't even pretend I don't hear her because Mandrake Jr. is pointing. She is a widow and she is about my age and she probably knows SG is ot of town. Last time I talked to her was at the Viking Longboat Ceremony and she was completely pickled even before she showed up. This could go badly.

I tell Mandrake Jr., "Look, call me in about 15 minutes, OK?" I head up and we talk for a few. She is entirely pickled but the process has come too late. My mom looks younger than her.

"I don't have many male suitors", she says.

"Holy ****", I think to myself.

She insists I come in for some wine. I suggest I need to feed the dogs.

"You shouldn't det the logs run things". She seems completley clueless that consonants are jumping back and forth

<To be continued>




Is the cliffhanger just a literary device or are you updating as you go ?

_____________________________

The AE-Wiki, help fill it out

(in reply to Cap Mandrake)
Post #: 4829
RE: Lost opportunities.... - 7/1/2011 1:21:05 PM   
DTurtle

 

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/26/2010
Status: offline
His bathroom break was going too long so he got interrupted for some more quality time.

(in reply to Smeulders)
Post #: 4830
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