Cap Mandrake
Posts: 23184
Joined: 11/15/2002 From: Southern California Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DTurtle His bathroom break was going too long so he got interrupted for some more quality time. I fear there may have been a misunderstanding. This is not Wisteria Lane and Old Widda' Smith is definitely NOT Eva Longoria. Here is the deal. The "parent" organization sent me to this self-improvement, self-actualization, spiritual, be a better manager conference type thingy...you know lots of touchy feely, sharing, reflection..that kind of thing. The take home message seemed to be, "Stop being such a selfish, narcissistic, inconsiderate ***hole and try thinking about someone else for a change before you drop dead and your family donates your body to science so they don't have to pay the cremation charges you clueless, knuckle-dragging Neanderthal." I am trying to implement the suggestions they made. It's just not easy. The old me would have waved at Old Widda' Smith and squinted like I couldn't see that far then sprinted for the house..but this is the new me, the empathetic one. Anyway, I can see she is pleased to have a human being to talk too, especially a serious hunk of manhood like me. We talked in the street for a bit and then she invited me in for some wine. I did try the BM excuse. I told her my dog Pinhead would probably **** on the carpet if I didn't take her for a walk. She would not give up. It was either go to her place for a glass of wine or she was going to follow me into my house. I had no choice. I decided to let her reel me in and say a prayer it was "catch and release". I had forgotten how nice her house is. The kitchen is mahogany with inlaid birch or something. There are custom turned and carved mahogany newel posts in the center island and the countertops are 2 inch thick granite, the edges of which are not bull-nosed or beveled but have a rough surface with no tool marks like they found an 8x12 foot rectangular column of granite somewhere and took big slice out of it. The rain gutters are custom fabricated copper with hand soldered joints and the elbows were pounded out by hand at the site to make the proper curves. Her former husband never went to college but made a ton of money (many dozens of millions I am sure) on monthly storage facilities. These are places where Americans put the crap they don't want anymore and didn't really need in the first place (which they purchased with money they didn't have but instead borrowed against their home equity which they don't have anymore either).* Oh yeah, I almost forgot, there is also a 900,000 BTU grill out back that has not been used in 5 years. I was reminded of the male character in Tom Wolfe's A Man in Full who hooks up with an older woman with a big house in Buckhead so he doesn't have to work any more. She poured me some wine and announced, "I have a coktail going". "No kidding?" I just thought that. I didn't really say that out loud. She told me about how she didn't trust her "male suitors" because she had more money than they did. "Duh!" I didn't really say that either. I was practicing my listening skills. She told me about how she found her husband blue and cold after he took half a bottle of opiates and drank two whole bottles of Scotch. It seems they were separated but "hooked up" again for the night. That is what she said, "hooked up". I am thinking to myself, "Holy crap! What was I thinking? I should just go back to being a self-centered ***hole. This empathy **** is killing me. I'm just no good at it." She reached over and touched my hand. It might have just been a neighborly, friendly gesture...but I doubt it. "Come on Mandrake Jr. Make the call. Make the call now!" Just then the phone rings. Now, I know you are going to think I am just making all this crap up, but really, it was Mandrake Jr., seriously. "Daaa...aaad, what are you dooooing?" I have never been more proud of her. * This may be a run on sentence.
< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 7/2/2011 8:52:23 PM >
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