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Cap Mandrake -> Disclaimer (4/1/2007 2:51:28 AM)
Editor's Note: We are unable to confirm that a B-25C bomb bay is sufficiently capacious to allow a non-Hobbit-sized individual to physically sit on a bomb. For this reason, the true fate of Professor Tolkien remains in doubt. We have requested his records from USDF&W under a FOIA request but are advised there is a six month delay. It seems to have something to do with Federal Employees Union rules re. LGBT sensitivty training.

AU Tiger_MatrixForum -> RE: Disclaimer (4/1/2007 2:58:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake Editor's Note: We are unable to confirm that a B-25C bomb bay is sufficiently capacious to allow a non-Hobbit-sized individual to physically sit on a bomb. For this reason, the true fate of Professor Tolkien remains in doubt. We have requested his records from USDF&W under a FOIA request but are advised there is a six month delay. It seems to have something to do with Federal Employees Union rules re. LGBT sensitivty training. A simple matter of transposition to change a B-25 into a B-52.

qgaliana -> RE: Snail Darter Clusters (4/1/2007 2:59:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AU Tiger Why do I find myself thinking of Slim Pickens all of a sudden? I've learned to stop worrying and love WITP [:D]

Cap Mandrake -> RE: Snail Darter Clusters (4/1/2007 3:00:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AU Tiger Why do I find myself thinking of Slim Pickens all of a sudden? You mean like this? [image]local://upfiles/7983/1453A47362664B96B2D3E78EBB803A77.jpg[/image]

qgaliana -> RE: Many birds headed Auckland (4/1/2007 3:02:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake Speaker: ...Hey, these fish eggs are pretty good but I cant get the smell off my fingers. ... Someone's been watching a Peter Sellers marathon, or maybe that was me and I just see him everywhere[:D]

Cap Mandrake -> RE: Snail Darter Clusters (4/1/2007 3:04:15 AM)
This ONE is absolutely hilarious: "NUCLEAR WARHEAD HANDLE WITH CARE" [:D][:D] Note that a B-25 is just like a B-52 with the numbers switched. [X(] [image]local://upfiles/7983/4E506BE8FCCB4A809F3D12E00A0899F2.jpg[/image]

AU Tiger_MatrixForum -> RE: Snail Darter Clusters (4/1/2007 3:05:17 AM)
[:D][:D][:D] 'Tis a STRANGE LOVE I have for this thread.

rtrapasso -> RE: Snail Darter Clusters (4/1/2007 5:27:35 AM)
Hey, this IS being written by (Group) Captain Mandrake, after all... [8D]

Cap Mandrake -> Intel (4/1/2007 6:39:15 PM)
*********A Command Vehicle of Australia Command, pulled over to the side of the highway as the rest of the column passes, June 5, 1942******** OOD: <speaking to courier with sidecar motorcycle> You had best get this to General Blamey staright away. They can pass along to SWPac, SOUTHPac and Eastern Fleet. Hudsons from Derby report 4 escort carriers and 130+ ships at Koepeang. At least 2 squadrons Zeroes as well. Right, on your way them.

tabpub -> Who's on first? (4/2/2007 1:51:42 PM)
And yet another vignette from the team of Mandrake and Tabpub; looking more like Abbot and Costello everyday.... [image]local://upfiles/9730/40AAA6B9F12B47469F3926C774FB2A54.jpg[/image] Just as a note, S-23 reported torpedoing the TK Kamasomthing Maru that day......so even blind squirrels find a TK once in a while..... On the lighter side of the news, the first returnees from Pago Pago arrived at SF; the 2nd Marine Division arrived at Camp Fuggetaboutit today by truck.....and when I say truck, I mean singular truck. Watch here for about a year to hear of their triumphant return to the ranks of the fighting forces.....

Cap Mandrake -> RE: Who's on first? (4/2/2007 6:59:29 PM)
[:D] Such are the problems of command and control at command boundaries. I really don't know how that lonely S-boat got sent to Rabaul..or how an Army Lt. was given command, but Lt. Kiser did pretty well for himself. What are the odds a TK would show up at Rabaul just then? He could have a good career ahead of him if he isn't prone to seasickness. Funny how the Japs never seem to have any problems like this, eh?

Cap Mandrake -> 2nd Marine (4/2/2007 7:08:16 PM)
********Mess Hall, Camp Fuggetaboutit, June 8, 1942********* The mess sargeant beams proudly as 15 huge kettles of creamed, chipped beef are wheeled into the service area. Behind them are arrayed at least a dozen steam cabinets filled with thousands of pieces of toast (or at least they used to be toast). The effort has taken 6 hrs of preparation for a crew of 20, but no effort should be spared for the heroic defenders of Pago Pago. 12 Marines enter the mess hall. First Marine: Sargeant, I think you may have too much food. Mess Sargeant: But we were told to expect the 2nd Marine Division! First Marine:** You got it.

USSAmerica -> RE: 2nd Marine (4/2/2007 8:13:00 PM)
Can we get a screen shot of the 2nd with one squad? [:D]

AU Tiger_MatrixForum -> RE: 2nd Marine (4/2/2007 10:54:10 PM)
SOS for the SOL division.

Cap Mandrake -> RE: 2nd Marine (4/3/2007 5:22:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: USS America Can we get a screen shot of the 2nd with one squad? [:D] Good news! USS Cachalot just pulled in with another 20 and a couple of 81 mm mortars! Woohoo! They are in remarkable spirits cosidering theri ordeal and the stuff they are feeding them at Camp Fuggetaboutit. Looks like Vandergrif didn't get out. [:(] [image]local://upfiles/7983/CA6FC8953C83494E812A94155ED9197E.jpg[/image]

bradfordkay -> RE: 2nd Marine (4/3/2007 5:41:18 AM)
I thought that Vandegrift was CO 1st Marine Div.

USSAmerica -> RE: 2nd Marine (4/3/2007 6:22:24 AM)
Wow, 97 experience! [X(] Extreme example of Darwinism? [:D]

Cap Mandrake -> Temporary Insanity (4/3/2007 9:20:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: USS America Wow, 97 experience! [X(] Extreme example of Darwinism? [:D] [:D] Slightly off topic, but I have a legal question. Let's say, for the sake of discussion, you are inadvisably in a charity golf tournament even though you play golf once or twice a year. Now, further imagine, you arrive late and don't get a chance to hit any practice shots and, indeed have to put your golf shoes on while the cart is moving. Now, further, imagine, you are on the second hole and a guy with a big belly with stretch marks you can see when he raises his arms shows up with a professional digital camera and announces he is making a video of the tournament to be distributed to the players on DVD. Now, further imagine, in some kind of sadistic macho purgatory you are playing from the pro tees and, on the second hole you have to fly the ball about 220-230 yds in the air to clear a massive bunker and rattlesnake nursery. Now, imagine, as I, I mean you, tee up the ball, the fat videographer is 6 feet away taping everything and your heart is going at about 180 beats per minute because you know you are going to have to hit this flush and give it a full backswing or you are going to be rattlesnake bait. "OK..take a couple of cleansing breaths", you say. Adjust your feet a couple of milimeters and wiggle your clubhead. Take a practice swing. "Hey, that felt pretty good!" "OK, this it it!" A breeze comes up. A tailwind, no less. "Cool...a good omen". Time slows. The clubhead starts up. Good shoulder rotation. "That'll look cool on the video!" "Whoa, is that the clubhead in your left peripheral vision?" "I (you) am a freaking John Daly!". Down comes the club. "Keep your head down". "Whooosh". The ball trickles off the tee and stops about 6 inches away. "I GOT IT! I CAUGHT EVERYTHING IN FRAME", cries the videographer! OK. Here is the legal question. Has the temporary insanity defence ever been used successfully for an assault with a deadly weapon case during a gold touma,emt?

rockmedic109 -> RE: Temporary Insanity (4/3/2007 9:43:27 PM)
As long as the Judge and prosecutor are golfers, you are ok. You might try claiming that you cannot be charged with ADW because the guy was dead before you hit him: Anybody that stupid doesn't have the brainpower to take a breath. Might get the charges dropped to Misdemeanor Corpse Defilement.

AU Tiger_MatrixForum -> RE: Temporary Insanity (4/3/2007 9:45:17 PM)
I don't know if it has been used in the past, but as to your chances: If you live in Orange County, it will be an obvious case of justifiable assault, but you may get some time for not actually killing the guy. If you live in L.A. county, I am afraid you are destined for Pelican Bay because you are obviously the ring-leader for an elitist country club gang who reacted with violence when a blue-collar card-carrying union member trespassed on your turf. If it is the latter case, I hope you petition for internet privileges during your incarceration, I don't want this AAR to end. quote: ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake quote: ORIGINAL: USS America Wow, 97 experience! [X(] Extreme example of Darwinism? [:D] [:D] Slightly off topic, but I have a legal question. Let's say, for the sake of discussion, you are inadvisably in a charity golf tournament even though you play golf once or twice a year. Now, further imagine, you arrive late and don't get a chance to hit any practice shots and, indeed have to put your golf shoes on while the cart is moving. Now, further, imagine, you are on the second hole and a guy with a big belly with stretch marks you can see when he raises his arms shows up with a professional digital camera and announces he is making a video of the tournament to be distributed to the players on DVD. Now, further imagine, in some kind of sadistic macho purgatory you are playing from the pro tees and, on the second hole you have to fly the ball about 220-230 yds in the air to clear a massive bunker and rattlesnake nursery. Now, imagine, as I, I mean you, tee up the ball, the fat videographer is 6 feet away taping everything and your heart is going at about 180 beats per minute because you know you are going to have to hit this flush and give it a full backswing or you are going to be rattlesnake bait. "OK..take a couple of cleansing breaths", you say. Adjust your feet a couple of milimeters and wiggle your clubhead. Take a practice swing. "Hey, that felt pretty good!" "OK, this it it!" A breeze comes up. A tailwind, no less. "Cool...a good omen". Time slows. The clubhead starts up. Good shoulder rotation. "That'll look cool on the video!" "Whoa, is that the clubhead in your left peripheral vision?" "I (you) am a freaking John Daly!". Down comes the club. "Keep your head down". "Whooosh". The ball trickles off the tee and stops about 6 inches away. "I GOT IT! I CAUGHT EVERYTHING IN FRAME", cries the videographer! OK. Here is the legal question. Has the temporary insanity defence ever been used successfully for an assault with a deadly weapon case during a gold touma,emt?

Moondawggie -> RE: Temporary Insanity (4/4/2007 1:49:29 AM)
Actually, up here in Placer County you'd probably get a Grand Jury judgment of justifiable homicide; I don't think you'd even have to plead temporary insanity as a defense against charges...

Cap Mandrake -> Rossel or Russel..however you spell it (4/7/2007 7:30:11 PM)
Hilarious..I just finish writing Number 1 out of the story, then the Japs invade Rossel (or Russel) Island in the game [:)] ***********Allied Intelligence Beaureau, Melborne, Australia, June 8, 1942******** RCA: Sir, it's Rossel again. He sounds excited. OOD: Put it on speaker please. speaker: ...hello Big Piney or Piney Tree or Little Big Pine or whatever the Hell your name is. I have two complaints. One..I haven't got my crackers yet and two..the Japs are landing on my island and I don't think this is no costume party either. They are shooting live rounds. I repeat they are shooting! They have already killed at least three monkeys and half a dozen sea turtles. Somebody come get me out of here..now!..Wait...wait ...incoming...BRAAAAAP! Oh, man, those fish eggs are even worse after a day or two of fermentation! Get me out of here..NOW..or it'll be all over, over OOD: <to aide> Do we have anything that can reach Rossel? Aide: Hmmm. Not since the loss of Norfolk, I think. Oh wait, what about one fo the Clippers out of Auckland? OOD: Right! See to it. <keys the mike> Number One, this is Big Piney. We are coming for you Number One. Hang on. Keep an eye out for a grey and orange clipper, over. Speaker: Good to hear Piney Tree. Better hurry. They are shooting at coconuts now. Signing off now. Don't forget the bolo bat.....bzzzzzz OOD: <begins to tear up> I'll be damned if we are going to lose him on my watch! Get M&M on the blower NOW! <now quietly, almost introspective> Godamned brave son of a bitch. Dumber than a bag of hammers and terrible radio discipline but I'll be damned if he isn't the Godamnest bravest son of a bitch it has ever been my pleasure to serve..with. <He thinks to himself..."Wait, am I supposed to end a sentence with a preposition?"> ************************************************* Oh, wait. There is a white Ford with E plates and no hubcaps pulling up, out front. Two guys with plaid sport jackets are getting out. This doesn't look good. Be right back......

rtrapasso -> RE: Rossel or Russel..however you spell it (4/7/2007 7:43:15 PM)
Hmmmm... glad to see you back, i thought maybe the Grand Jury had gotten you on that golfing thing... but maybe the Ford outside is coming to rectify that oversight!! [X(]

Cap Mandrake -> $200 an hour (100 during personal hygeine acitivities) (4/7/2007 8:23:59 PM)
Gentlemen; Allow me to introduce myself. I am I. Dunn Cheatham, III, Esq., from the Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, LLP. Mr. Mandrake has retained me to represent him in the unfortunate matter of a physical altercation at a charity golf event. As he is not at liberty to post items on the internet at this time he has asked me to post some items for him using his account. I have, of course, readily agreed to this. In fact, I was so pleased with the favorable remembrances of my grandfather, I. Dunn Cheatham, Sr., I offered to give Mr. Mandrake a discount for any billable hours which coincided with personal hygeine or grooming activitites (periodic removal of facial hair excluded). I would first, on his behalf, like to thank those who offered legal suggestions for his defence. The firm is, in fact, looking into a venue change to Placer County but I suspect the judge won't go along with this. Despite this, I believe our case is quite good. Our strongest bit of evidence is the tape itself, in which the alleged victim can be heard giggling like a schoolgirl before he rudely proclaims, "I got it! I got the whole thing in frame!". We also hope to bring in information about possible Devil-worship or perhaps an Al-Quaeda affiliation by the alleged victim. At the time of his craniotomy for subdural bleeding (after the accident), he was noted to have the backward English letters "TAERG GIB AHTREB" tattooed on his scalp. We are consulting experts in ancient languages and religious practices. It may be an old Gaelic dialect or crudely translated Arabic. Thank you again for your concerns. Respectfully; I Dunn Cheathma, III, Esq. Dewey, Chatham and Howe, LLP.

Cap Mandrake -> Dunedin (4/7/2007 9:42:21 PM)
Sirs; For your edification, a correspondence from Mr. Mandrake. Respectfully, I. Dunn Cheatham, III, Esq. ***************************************************************** Ever wonder what goes on behind those little reports like "14th Army planning for Dunedin"? *****Officers Club, 90th BS(M), USAAF, Auckland, June 8, 1942********* <Milo rushes in. Yossarian is testing a new cocktail invented by the Chief> Milo: Yossarian! I need you. Yossarian: I like you too, Milo, desperately so. Chief: Oh my God! Yossarian IS sissy boy. Milo: It's not like that Chief. Yossarian is just an annoying SOB. Yossarian: And you are a crazy SOB Milo: Not as crazy as you. Yossarian: Yes, you are. Milo: Nope, because I'm not flying up to Rossel Island to pick up a white man in the middle of a Jap invasion. Yossarian: What makes you think I'm doing that. Milo: Because I'm ordering you to. Yossarian: I don't takes orders from you. Milo: What is your job at M&M Enterprises, Yossarian. Yossarian: VP in charge of jingles and something else. Milo: Yes! And what is my job? Yossarian: President, I guess. Milo: Yes. And who is higher, President or Vice President? Yossarian: President is. DAMN! OK, what do I do with the guy after I pick him up? Milo: Take him to Dunedin. Yossarian: Dunedin? In Ireland? Milo: No, you crazy SOB, on the South Island of New Zealand. Yossarian: Why there? Milo: Because I just got a news report about the Jap 14th Army capturing Dunedin. It's dated June 16th. Yossarian: But why would we rescue him from the Japs at Rossel then put him in harm's way in Dunedin? Milo: Because we want him to be captured. Believe me, he is worth more to the Allied war effort if he isn't part of the Allied war effort. Yossarian: Then why would we want to rescue him now? Milo: Because we are getting paid for that. Yossarian: Oh, now I understand. Milo you are a crazy SOB. You are taking money to rescue this poor guy just so that you can turn around and give him to the Japs again. Milo: That's why I hired you, Yossarian. You are the second smartest SOB around here. Yossarian: There is something that worries me. Milo: Yes, Mr. Vice President? Yossarian: If the Japs are going to capture Dunedin and Dunedin is part of New Zealand and WE are in New Zealand, aren't they going to attack us? You seem awfully upbeat about this. I was enjoying attacking things that don't fire back, submarines or whales. Isn't this bad news? Milo: Oh, no. This is fantastic news. Yossarian: I'm listening. Milo: A Jap attack on the South Island means we will be cut off from all resupply. Don't you see? Yossarian: That still sounds bad to me. Milo: No, no, no Yossarian. A blockade means scarcity. Once we are cut off, nothing but the Java Clipper and maybe some B-17's will be able to get out of here. The color of scarcity is... Yossarian: GREEN! Milo: Exactly! Now get up to Rossel fast. There is an extra $1000 in it for you if you get him out alive. Yossarian: What am I going to do with $1000? Milo:** I don't care. Donate it to Minderbinder for Congress in '42 if you want. Let me know as soon as you are back. I want to schedule a seance for you with Adm. Ghormley over the Dunedin thing...Oh...the guy's name is Doug. You'll know him when you see him.

rtrapasso -> RE: Dunedin (4/7/2007 9:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake Sirs; For your edification, a correspondence from Mr. Mandrake. Respectfully, I. Dunn Cheatham, III, Esq. Awfully nice of you to relay his messages, Mr. Cheatham!

Cap Mandrake -> Midway.....between Pitcarin and Ascencion (4/7/2007 11:00:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rtrapasso Awfully nice of you to relay his messages, Mr. Cheatham! Thank you Sir. It is something I don't hear very much in my profession. Mr. Mandrake said you are not going to believe this. I am still trying to figure out where the "Alphabet Sea" is. I. Dunn Cheatham III, Esq. [image]local://upfiles/7983/E10225371C23465E925642A7B608713D.jpg[/image]

Cap Mandrake -> RE: Midway.....between Pitcarin and Ascencion (4/7/2007 11:57:05 PM)
More material from Mr. Mandrake. I hope he isn't too uspet at the bill for this ($1,238 so far and I haven't even started to really work on his case...the $238 dollars is a pro rata share of the firms monthly internet bill...it's a T-1 line so it comes out to about $18 a minute). By the way, if any of you have developed repetitive stress injuries playing War in the Pacific, please contact us. We have championed a number of successful class action suits. I. Dunn Cheatham III, Esq. [image]local://upfiles/7983/FDEBDCE1143B4A49B7D151D254F123EC.jpg[/image]

Cap Mandrake -> Midway (4/8/2007 3:19:38 AM)
1 1/2 hour (with travel time) x 200..............300 Parking........................................................6 Milage.........................................................13 Internet time..............................................12 ------------------------------------------------------------- Please remit................................................$331 Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, LLP [image]local://upfiles/7983/AE878E720F5643FFB9F42FAFDD612007.jpg[/image]

AU Tiger_MatrixForum -> RE: Midway (4/8/2007 3:28:44 AM)
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