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Cap Mandrake -> Method Acting (5/1/2007 7:44:45 PM)
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************Anteroom of the Office of the Sec. of the Navy Knox, June 23, 1942***************
A serious fellow in an expensive suit and shoes greets a young man he has never met. The younger man is well cast for the part, well muscled with a broad brow. He looks like he could drive rivets all day. The older man introduces himself, "I. Dunn Cheatham, Esquire. Are you the one they sent down form Actor's Studio?"
"Yes sir."
"Are you ready? We will be meeting the Secretary shortly."
"Well Mr. Cheatham, I was wondering if you could tell me what my motivation is."
"MOTIVATION!? What the Hell do you mean motivation? You motivation is $200. THAT is your motivation! I'll wager that is more money than you have seen in a month."
"No, I meant why is my CHARACTER here?"
"Oh, well, can't you guys speak English? I asked them to brief you. Here is the deal. You are a shipyard worker from Pitcarin. You are here representing the boys at the yard. They have chosen you as a spokesman. You are here to ask a favor of the Secretary of the Navy."
"Very well, but why not send a real worker?"
"Do you have any idea how far away Pitcarin is? Besides, it's dangerous. Lastly, I'm not sure any of them can actually form a complete sentence"
"Ok, that helps. Can you tell me more about them?"
"They are the descendants of Fletcher Christian and his lot. You know, Clark Gable, Charles Laughton."
"Ah, yes. I thought Gable played it too rogueish, if you know what I mean?"
"Look, you are not playing Fletcher Christian himself. You are the product of several generations of inbreeding and social isolation with a breeding stock of malcontents and sociopaths."
"Hmmm. That works." The young man goes off to an interior window and begins making faces in the reflection and making odd vowel sounds, "ooooooooaaaaaaaaaaeaeaeaeuuuuuu".
"F***** actors", the lawyer says to himself. After some time, they are ushered into Sec. Knox's office. He sits behind a beautiful antique desk. After introductions, the young actor makes his plea. Even Cheatham is impressed. The accent seems perfect, a mixture of working class 19th Century England and a lot of cocconut milk. He speaks with a curious mumble which causes the listener to lean forward, straining to understand. "Damn, this kid was worth $200", Cheatham says to himself. Knox seems impressed as well.
When the young man has finished his plea, Knox clears his throat, then speaks, "Young man, you present a very compelling case. Where is Pitcarin? Is that on the Elizabeth River? I should like to visit some day".
Cheatham senses danger and speaks up, "No sir, it is somewhat West of there."
"West, you say? Hmmm, in any event, I am afraid I cannot grant your request to rename the new Enterprise the "Fletcher Christian". We are allied with the Brits, you see, and it would simply not do to name a major USN vessel after a Royal Navy mutineer. On the other hand, the President has directed me to offer a program of corporate sponsorship of the ship
in order to show the committment of American industry to the war effort. For example, the flight deck of the Enterprise will be called the Ford Motor Company Flight Deck and will have 15 foot logos fore and aft. Mr. Ford was so pleased he made a $100,000 contribution to the President's reelection campaign."
"Ahhh", Cheatham thought, "the touch! Very nice, no formal quid pro quo. Plausible deniability. Very clever, much more so than dealing with the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce or even the Mexican government. It made him feel proud his tax dollars were at work." He made a quick calcualtion and reached for his breast pocket, "Sec. Knox, you have reminded me, thank you. Mr. Minderbinder of M&M Shipbuilding has directed me to donate $10,000 to the President's reelection camaign". Cheatham begins writing the check.
"Excellent! Most excellent! Make that out to the Committee for the Advancement of Social Harmony. That's C-A-S-H. Say, Minderbinder, that sounds familiar. Isn't there some third party candidate named Minderbinder?"
"No relation, sir", Cheatham answered as he wrote. He was good at lying, of course. After 25 years of practice, it required no conscious effort, like breathing.
"Minderbinder...hmmm... odd name that. It sounds..well..you know..well, never mind", Sec Knox caught himself, his political training kicking in.
"Yes, odd name", Cheatham answered as he handed over the check.
Knox looked at a ledger and thought out loud, "Hmmm...Officer's wardrom. No that wouldn't do. Westinghouse has the steam turbines, RCA has the radar mast...hmmm...how about the starboard after fuel bunker? The Fletcher Christian fuel bunker!"
"Perfect!", Cheatham exclaimed, "we'll take it". "The boys at Pitcarin will be very pleased."
"Wonderful, now if you gentlemen don't mind", he stood and began escorting them to the door. As he did,he turned to the young man and asked, "You do have a curious way of speaking. Not to be too personal, but do you have something in your cheeks?"........
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