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Cap Mandrake -> I think I can, I think I can.... (7/28/2007 1:20:12 AM)
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*******Aboard Australian HQ Command Train, 500 m SW of Derby, August 30, 1942*********
General Balmey works at his cramped desk, studying logistical reports for his command. An officer from Signals Section knocks on the open door to the office.
Gen. Blamey: Enter!
Signals Officer: Message from Commander, Perth Garrison, Sir.
Gen. Blamey: Read it please <without looking up>
Signals Officer: Yes sir, it reads, message begins..
Gen. Blamey: Wait, do you mean they wasted transmission time with the expression "message begins"? Didn't anyone read my memo about saving electrons? The resources of the Australian Government are not limitless, you know.
Signals Officer: Oh, no sir. That was me.
Gen. Blamey: Are you sure? I distinctly remember writing that myself.
Signals Officer: Oh, yes sir. I mean, no sir..well. I mean yes, you did write the memo, sir, but it was I who said "message begins". I merely wanted to indicate where my statement ended and Perth's began, sir.
Gen. Blamey: Very well, perhaps you could just pause briefly. <after 30 seconds Blamey looks up to see a profusely sweating young officer> Well? What is the matter son?
Signals Officer: Oh, sorry sir. I thought I was to pause.
Gen. Blamey: Well, I meant before you read the text of the Perth message.
Signals Officer: Oh, sorry sir. Shall I start then?
Gen. Blamey: Yes, please do, before the war is over.
Signals Officer: Yes sir, The message from Perth reads......<pauses and looks earnestly at the General..after some seconds he raises his brow as if to indicate a question>
Gen. Blamey: <raises his eyebrows in response, as if to say "well, get on with it">
Signals Officer: Sir, is that long enough?
Gen. Blamey: Thats it? The message from Perth is "Sir, is that long enough"? Why, that is the most unprofessional query I have ever heard. Of course it is not long enough! Tell those laggards they shall resist until the last round and I shan't countenance any further ****footing.
Signals Officer: Oh, sir no, or rather I was asking if it was long enough..to pause I mean.
Gen. Blamey: Oh dear. do you mean to tell me we aren't to the message yet?
Signals Officer: Yes sir, I mean no, or rather we aren't to the message yet. Well, techincially I have seen it and the signals staff have seen it but you haven't yet, sir.
Gen. Blamey: <rubs eyes> Ahhhhhhhmmmmm. Look. I have an idea. I will count to three and point to you when I want you to read the message. Before that I don't want you to say anything! Is that perfectly clear?
Signals Officer: <an anxious look comes over his face, he pantomimes a zipper over his mouth, and raises his eyebrows again and tilts his head a bit for emphasis>
Gen. Blamey: < mimics his brow and facial movement involuntarily until they look like a couple of courting quail> Oh, yes, I see. Just nod in the affirmative if you understand.
Signals Officer: <nods vigorously>
Gen. Blamey: Excellent. Are you ready?
Signals Officer: Yes..s
Gen. Blamey: Bahhh! Rassafrasa <makes assorted mouth moving faster than brain sounds> Just nod if you are ready.
Signals Officer: <nods and holds up his message the pressure clearly buidling like a steam engine>
Gen. Blamey: Excellent! 3....2....1....GO!
Signals Officer: EnemyCAPnolongerflyingoverJapshippingstophaveidentifiedImperialGuardDivisionandoneotherto bringstrengthto4divisions3combatbrigadesand3regimetnsheavyartillerystop <takes breath> firstJapattackfailedbutdiddislodgebritsoneseiesfortsstop solongand thnaksforallthefishandtheBeauforts....End Message
Gen. Blamey: Did you say "So long and thanks for all the fish and Beauforts"?
Signals Officer: Yes sir
Gen. Blamey: What did he mean by that? Is it in code? I thought the Beauforts were out of ferry range. We aren't using a non green-dot airfield are we? I would hate to have any war crime allegations due to 1925 Naval Treaty violations.
Signals Officer: We are working that, sir <at this moment the train car bumps violently>
Gen. Blamey: Very well. Let me know when you have more and do ask the engineer to slow down a bit. The track is absolutely atrocious.
Signals Officer: Yes sir! <he salutes and exits the rear of the car. Outside the noise is terrible and the view is even worse. The General's command railcar is lashed to a lorry which tavels along the highway as fast as the driver dare. A crew of two men work each set of the railcar wheels, keeping up a rhythmic pounding with small hammers>
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