RoastedTomboy
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/20/2020
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I'm really enjoying the game but it could use some serious proofreading. There are a lot of awkward sentence fragments, and the game is sometimes inconsistent between British and American spelling. It also isn't sure how formal it should be, for example it sometimes uses overly casual terms like "nuked" or "kills." Some specific points based on v 1.03:
New game
* "First step of Planetary Generation is choosing a planet class." This sentence should start with "The", and why is Planetary Generation capitalized? The next sentence "Below here you'll find your available available choices." should be removed entirely.
* The size labels are silly: small is normal sized and normal is large sized, then large is actually super? Just normal, large and super gets the idea across.
* Hyphenate phrases like "non-water-based type of life."
* In the Biosphere step of planetary generation, it reads better to change the order of the sentence to "This planet started the process of abiogenesis 274 million years ago."
* Creatures should either be described as "resembles a Squid" or "is a Squid analog", but resembling an analog is redundant.
* I'm not sure what "top of evolution lifeform" is supposed to mean. Is the idea "most advanced lifeform"?
* An adjective like "large" should go before one like "aquatic".
* In the Colonization step ("colonisation" and "colonised" if we're being British), the term "Current population" is confusing because it refers to a historical event. How about "prewar population"?
* "Planet is becoming a mining hub in the sector. Creating synergy effects for minors." I think splitting the sentence like this a Dutchism; the clauses should be joined by a comma. The sentence needs to start with "The planet".
* The tense in the History sidebar is inconsistent: in an entry like "7893AD The Sector capitol has been moved to the planet." it sounds like it happened before this year. You probably mean the capital is moved, or better yet make it active voice and say the capital moves. A common tense and voice needs to be decided on and all the entries made consistent.
* I can see the "History sidebar" is a sidebar; why not label it "History" or "Timeline"
* In the Apocalypse step, "never ending small scale skirmishes" should be "never-ending small-scale skirmishes"
* "It is estimated the total loss of life in the Dissolution War and its direct aftermath has claimed over 35 million lives." Either "total loss of life...is" or "the Dissolution War and its direct aftermath claimed" (no "has"), otherwise it sounds like the loss of life is itself claiming lives.
* "Keep in mind that over 196 years have passed since the Dissolution war started. Over the 'dark age' decades that followed the total collapse the Population levels have been under continued stress." Why would I need to be admonished to keep this mind? Why is dark age in quotation marks? (If you don't think it was really a dark age, just don't say so.) Why is Population capitalized? And "under continued stress" seems like a rather gentle and vague way to describe this. It might be better to cut this whole paragraph.
* Another awkward break on the overview before starting. Use a comma to connect "with a tilt 21 degrees" and so on. Also to be consistent, radius should be described like "3758 km", not "kms."
* The population mentioned here doesn't match the "Survivors left" on the previous screen. If that number was from an earlier time that isn't clear, since "survivors left" suggests the present.
Customize
* This should be "Customise" if you want be British.
* "Regime Name & Heraldry" should be "Regime Name and Banner" for consistency (and accuracy, since banners and flags are not strictly heraldry).
* "Flag is monotone" should be "Flag is monochrome".
* All the tooltips here need some punctuation or could be simpler.
* "remainders" is a weird plural, you can say "remainder of humanity" instead. Why is "Wastelands" capitalized?
* Why are "Scavenging" and "Fighting" capitalized??
First turn
* This should probably sound more like a news report: "The previous President was buried today."
* Use a comma: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
* Again: "Some subjects cheer your ascension, but not all."
* "You will have to hail and and address the nation as soon as possible." This sentence sounds less awkward if you take out "hail and". Some of the words that can substitute for "nation" don't work in this sentence, like I've seen "address the domain".
* "A new zeitgeist wanders through the land." sounds weird. A zeitgeist is not like a ghost that haunts people, and we usually just say that something is the zeitgeist, without using it as an active agent. You could say "a new spirit is spreading through the land."
* For "Your Organisations/Factions generated the following Strategems this turn:" it would be be better to replace the / with and.
Reports
* In the Demand Overview, as an example "Merchant Society demands that our average Population Happiness to reach at least 51%." the to needs to be deleted.
* In the Formation Types Overview, for consistency "OOBs" should be "Formation Types".
* In the Prospecting Overview, "There are 0 Zone(s) where we think we can still discover Deposits." should just start with "There are 0 Zones", since 0 takes a plural. I haven't checked if the text is the same with 1, but if it is then it'll still be incorrect since "are" does not match. If it's going to be incorrect either way it can at least be simple.
* In the Victory Overview, the plural of "axis" should be "axes". But it seems more obvious to use this space to explain that the average of the Populace % (why not Population %?) and Planet % is the victory score.
Miscellaneous
* In the opening crawl, "It was a time... where" should be "It was a time... when"
* Use commas, in the Chemical High stratagem: "A new doctor is in town, selling pills of many colors and many pleasures.
* "Click to go to capitol of this regime" should be capital.
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RE: Typos, grammar and misc issues - 
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